News

Pickleball is Coming to Center City

By Kyle Pagan

Published: Sep 1st, 2023 · 11:24 AM EDT

---

I’m trying not to shit on this. I love pickleball. Have become obsessed with it honestly. A Pickler if you will. We’re throwing a charity tournament in October and there are still some spots to register. Do it for the kids. The grand prize is Eagles tickets and more. But I just don’t see how pickleball in Dilworth Park doesn’t become a mess. According to Cherise Lynch at NBCPhiladelphia.com two courts will be at City Hall from September 7th to October 21st:

In partnership with the Center City District of Philadelphia, CityPickle, the company behind New York’s first pickleball club is setting up two professional pickleball courts in Dilworth Park next to City Hall.

The pop-up courts are set to open from Sept. 7 through Oct. 21, between 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. daily, depending on weather.

Players can go through the CityPickle app or City-Pickle.com to sign up for one-hour court reservations that are available for $40 per court for up to six people.

Custom CityPickle paddles are available for rent for $6 per paddle or players can bring their own.

Love it. We need more pickleball in the city, but this is a shit show waiting to happen. I understand City Pickle wants to get their names out there for the spot that’s opening in the future. Brand synergies! Activations! Or whatever corporate mumbo jumbo they put in a PowerPoint when concocting this idea. I ain’t mad at ya. Here’s the thing though. The noise those balls makes succcccccckkkkkkssssss. Listening to a pickleball go back and forth for nine hours a day could make the most hardened terrorist spill their guts. Don’t believe me? Ask Joe O’Donnell. I can sense Joe has been to war. He saw some horrific shit in Nam. Pickleball is what brought him to his knees:

If I worked in City Hall I’d refuse to come into work. Like the mayor already does? Boom roasted.

The courts are another thing. There ain’t much, but the good thing is you can take up to six people with you to play. It’s $40 a court for the hour so you can get as many games you can within the time limit. There are still a ton of reservations open. Still could you just go to FDR and Seger Park or out to the burbs for free? Yes you can. And you’d play double the amount of games. Old ladies run open play more efficiently than a Chick-Fil-A drive thru.

Finally, someone is going to shit in these courts. It might not be September 7th or September 8th. But a bum is going to dink on this court in the middle of the night. Again, I’m not trying to shit on this, but someone will.

P.S. If we’re doing pop-up sporting events at City Hall now I don’t see why we can’t get a basketball court there all year round. Make it happen Sixers. You need all the good pub you can get.

DON’T FORGET TO REGISTER FOR THE 2023 CROSSING BROAD CHARITY PICKLEBALL TOURNAMENT!