News

This Escaped Murderer is Spinning Circles Around Police

By Kyle Pagan

Published: Sep 5th, 2023 · 10:14 AM EDT

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Summer is over, you’re back in your cube with nothing to look forward to until Christmas, you’re sun burned and hungover from a long weekend, and oh yea, keep your head on a swivel because there’s a murderer on the loose and the cops can’t find him. Danelo Cavalcante might be the greatest manhunt player of all time! First ballot Hall of Fame type shit. Monday night, the police thought they had him surrounded:

Footage shared by Waterglen neighbor of LE’s initial push yesterday. This is between 1676 & 1686 Waterglen. pic.twitter.com/eEw4ooW15d

— 🤩 Michelle 🤩 (@mathgril) September 4, 2023

NOT SO FAST MY FRIENDS! Security at Longwood Gardens caught him on a trail camera… OUTSIDE OF THE SEARCH PERIMETER!

🚨🚨NEW PHOTO🚨🚨 Escaped murderer Danelo Cavalcante seen on trail camera at 10:33PM LAST NIGHT along Rt. 52 near Longwood Gardens outside search zone. @FOX29philly pic.twitter.com/lEmxs2k9E1

— Chris O'Connell (@CoconnellFox29) September 5, 2023

This might not end anytime soon. Longwood Gardens is the perfect place for a hideout. This dude has 1,000 acres now to play with. He could be in one of the tree houses, among the chrysanthemums* or doing laps in the fountains for all they know. And now apparently he’s leveling up like it’s in a damn video game. He’s somehow acquired a backpack and a hoodie like he’s a MyPlayer in 2k:

On 09/04/2023 at 8:21PM and 9:33PM, Escaped murderer Danelo Cavalcante was seen on a trail camera at Longwood Gardens in East Marlborough Township, Chester County. Anyone with information is asked to contact the tip line at 717-562-2987. pic.twitter.com/bSPWBxuTRB

— Trooper Grothey (@PSPTroopJPIO) September 5, 2023

How many coins until he upgrades to a weapon?

I’ll be honest, I’ve never been involved in a manhunt, but when you have thousands of cops, local and state police, night vision, SWAT and helicopters looking for one guy, I expect him to be caught in less than 100 hours. I don’t know; that’s just me. Less broadcasting messages from his mom asking him to surrender, more capturing:

Officials tell us they’re broadcasting a recording from escaped inmate Danelo Cavalcante’s mother who’s asking him to surrender in Portuguese.

This is video from a resident in Pocopson Township that captured the message playing from a helicopter on Sunday. @CBSPhiladelphia pic.twitter.com/TbAtC3WzW9

— Marcella Baietto (@MarcellaBaietto) September 4, 2023

We’re talking about a cold-blooded murderer here who stabbed his girlfriend in front of her children. I don’t think a cameo from his mom is making him surrender anytime soon. So here’s an idea, it’s time to bring in the big guns. Break Glass In Case of Emergency type shit. The only guy who can catch him now is Big Dom. Bury your pride, WCPD. Let Big Dom loose and this guy will be seized within the hour:

FCK IT…. BIG DOM HIGHLIGHTS

(Yes I made a highlight vid for the eagles head of security that’s how confident I am we’re winning the Super Bowl) pic.twitter.com/uRYHdtgDFx

— Jeff McDevitt (@JeffMcDev) August 30, 2023

*Kinkead: I can’t believe Pagan spelled “chrysanthemums” correctly.