It was red panty night at the Turner household on December 5th. Apparently signing for $330 million gets the blood pumping because exactly nine months after Trea Turner signed his monster deal…

…the Phillies placed him on paternity leave:

Trea Sheisty that’s my dawg!


Congrats on the sex! That’ll make it 23 home runs on the year for Trea.

P.S. For all the “well actually guys” saying that pregnancies are 10 months instead of nine, like Ant, you must be a TON of fun at parties:

What the fuck do you think I know about pregnancy? I’ve lived my entire life thinking pregnancies are nine months. Are you telling me I’ve been lied to? I don’t believe it and I don’t think it’s true. We should test it using the Card Shark method:

You poll 100 men how long they think pregnancy lasts I GUARANTEE over 50 will tell you nine months.

Plus I never let facts get in the way of a good story.