Security Guard Gary has given the green light to security everywhere to open up a can of whoop ass on anyone who dares to enter the colosseum.

CHOO! CHOO!

Is it a coincidence security guards are now flicking the R3 button up to deliver a hit stick not even a week after Gary almost decapitated a Phillies fan? Absolutely not:

This is the perfect example teams need to set for fans. You want to stop people from running on the field? Every team should stack their security squad with former All-State linebackers. You want to run on the field be my guest. But there are 15 security guards who run a 4.5 40 strategically placed around the diamond just waiting to relive their glory days. You know how before every game they have those messages about watching for bats and balls going into the stands? Well after that they should show a compilation of the Phillies security guards fucking people up who ran on the field at past games. It’s like those anti-smoking commercials with the woman who has a gigantic hole in her neck they show to scare kids from smoking cigs. You want to run on the field you’re going to get jacked up and then their partner is going to talk shit to you while they scrape your body off the grass.

Shout out to Security Guard Gary for setting the tone. There’s still time to make that call, Howie: