I’m not a financial advisor. Got a C- in the only Finance class I took at Temple, skating by the skin of my teeth. But even with no financial background I am advising whomever “Agent Orange” is to hedge* on this $1 million parlay immediately. You do not want to mess with the Philadelphia Phillies during Red October:

I tip my cap to you for getting to this spot in the parlay… even if you had some HEAVY favorites sprinkled in. It was cute. Now it’s nut cutting time and the Phillies are about to turn you into a eunuch.

Here’s a little trip down memory lane in case you forgot what happened last year:

This is a warning. The series is going to play out just like it did last year I’m telling you. The Phils are going to split in Atlanta. You’re going to see 1-1 coming back to Philly and think you’re sitting pretty. But you’re not. You have just lulled yourself into a false sense of security and that’s exactly where Bryce Harper and the boys want you. Because the Atlanta Braves can’t handle the Phillies ballpark. It’s going to be three, maybe four, hours of hell. Spencer Strider might be on the mound in Game 4 and his pants are so tight you’re going to be able to make out the Ozzie Albies size dump he took in them:

Agent Orange. The Phillies are coming to ruin your life.

You’re going to see an overall-wearing drunk Angel of Death dancing in your nightmares for the rest of your life:

*Kinkead: we would advise this guy to cash out, but I think because he wrapped a SGP into that parlay, he’s ineligible. Will “effort” that information.