The Phillies Director of Fun and Games, John Brazer, told WIP that the first pitch is going to be a spectacular one:

So who could it be? Lets fire up the Crossing Broad Sportsbook and get the odds going.


Sylvester Stallone +150

I’m really focusing on the “more of the world of sports” line. The world of sports feels like it isn’t an athlete, so Stallone could work here. I don’t know how I’d feel about it. It would definitely juice the crowd, but it’s not like the Phillies are underdogs in this series. Though if he comes out in a shmedium jersey with those biceps bulging I’m all the way in!


Jason Kelce +250

This is an easy one. The guy carries the torch for Philly right now. He’s on WIP every week. Maybe he’s slated for a Wednesday spot, which triggers the, “You’re going to be talking about it tomorrow” line from Brazer. If he chugs a beer and then throws out the first pitch the stadium will be rocking! The Marlins won’t know what hit them. Jesus Luzardo turns water into wine. Jason Kelce turns water into beer and then chugs the shit out of it.


Jack Fritz +500

If you want value you go with the golden boy right now. We’ve had our differences in the past about the Trea Turner ovation, but you can’t deny he’s on a run. He’s getting profiles in the paper and Turner is personally thanking him. The funniest thing would be if he threw out the first pitch and the Phils lose game 1 and 2 and I get to run with the “Jack Fritz Curse” until next April. It might ruin Jack so much he has to skip town to Iowa or something, and takes up a life of Hawkeyes football. If the bats go cold because Fritz threw out the first pitch, it’s only fair he has to watch the worst offense in college football for eternity. I won’t say I’m hoping for this, but I’m also not saying I’m not currently typing this with a smile like this:


Jean Segura +500

This would be fucking awesome! Imagine the glass breaks and out walks Jean Segura, giant ass and all! He looks over at the Marlins dugout after they traded him. Gives them a throat slash and delivers a heater right down the middle to Bryson Stott. They might as well call the series right there!


Jesus Christ +650


Taylor Swift +750

I’m interested to see how people would react to this in Philly. One, because she turned on us by wearing Chiefs gear a couple weeks ago. Two, because I think fans are starting to get tired of her. Regular season football is one thing. This is the playoffs. We don’t need any distractions. If you’re FOX this is a no-brainer. You automatically get the Swiftie demo and it’s the most sought after one in the country right now. Though wasting her on Game 1 of the Wild Card round doesn’t make sense. But you could say the MLB won’t let the Phillies lose with Swift in the building. The last thing they want is for the fanbase to turn on her and they lose out on that potential cash cow in the World Series. If T-Swift throws out the first pitch, put the house on the Phils.


Wally the Emotional Support Alligator +900


LET WALLY IN @Phillies #philly

♬ Hip-hop instrumental.(1288673) – Eto

Listen, I don’t need any bad juju going into Red October. I understand the Phillies have policies, but lets tread lightly here before we completely ostracize Wally the Emotional Support Alligator. Remember the Curse of the Billy Goat in Chicago? I would hate to have the Curse of Wally the Emotional Support Alligator hex this franchise for 100 years. Just think about it Phillies.

Whoever it is it better be big! Gotta set the tone for Red October early.