Darius Slay was asked how difficult it is to change defensive coordinators in the middle of the season. With his answer, we can determine he’s not a fan of polygamy:

You know what Darius Slay wouldn’t do with a million dollars?

Two chicks at the same time, man:

This is the first thing Darius Slay has said in three months that has put a smile on my face. That does sound tough. That Joseph Smith was an idiot. Imagine how hard this would be. You gotta read different tendencies. One comes home happy and the other one comes home miserable after a bad day. God forbid they both have a bad day. Terrible. Then you don’t have enough hands to rub some feet and rub some shoulders at the same time. Now the game situations get even tougher. You have to manage multiple egos. One gets jealous because you picked the other one to do first. You’d have to hear double the stories about her bitch friend or shitty coworker who did this and try to keep track of all of it. It’s information overload. You’re learning an entirely different language. The scheme is thrown out the window. Formations are different and the signals are thrown all out of wack. Could you imagine dinner plans? Trying to find where to go dinner is already hard enough with one woman. You put two in the mix and you might never eat again. We’d never get the bathroom. There’d be makeup and hair products everywhere. It’d just be constant noise and I’d be yelling like Tony Soprano:

You’d need Joe Cordell of Cordell & Cordell on speed dial. Put you out of your misery even if he’s not licensed in your state.


Not all of us are built like Lou Will.