Joel Embiid owns the Bulls. They know it, we know it, and he knows it. Tuesday night he had triple double in only three quarters. Ho hum. He even upped the degree of difficulty by adding a choking hazard into the mix:

This is a full circle Jolly Rancher moment.

Look how far we’ve come:

We went from wondering if the guy would ever play to dominating the NBA.

Still… cut this shit out. The last thing we need is another freak injury involving you or anyone else. We’ve been through enough broken faces and enough thoracic outlet syndrome and there is nobody on this team I trust to execute the Heimlich. Jo could choke to death and the Sixers would re-evaluate the body in two weeks.

I’m going to take this opportunity to get on my soap box for a second. Games like tonight is why the NBA season needs to be shortened. Nobody cares about Game 1 to Game 40. Lets make it 70 games and start later so that most of the season isn’t overshadowed by the NFL. Teams are rarely playing their full roster, there’s little parity, and more than 50% of the league is competitive. It’s never good when the moments that surround the game are more entertaining than the plays that happen in the game. Even Embiid’s bored. He’s on Twitter while up 40 to see what everyone’s talking about:

Do you think he’s on Jimmy Kimmel or Aaron Rodgers’ side?

Btw – Blue Raspberry supplanted Green Apple as the GOAT a long time ago:

P.S. I can’t wait for Howard Eskin to tweet out something about how dangerous this behavior is and how Embiid is setting a bad example for kids after he’s gone soft on the Eagles all weekend.

P.P.S. Only Philly sports legends are allowed to eat during games: