When January 1st hits, all these new bills go into effect. We’ve got felonies for porch pirates in Pennsylvania, in New York they’ve doubled the amount you get back for recycled bottles to 10 cents, and in New Jersey the “Seinfeld Bill” will force telemarketers to give you their company name, mailing address, and telephone number within 30 seconds of the call, inspired by this scene from 1992:

What does this mean for people like you and I? Not much. We’re still going to get those calls from “Potential Spam,” but at least your parents or grandparents are now less likely to get scammed out of your inheritance.

Speaking of Seinfeld, am I a bad guy for never finishing one season of the show? I feel like I was born in an odd time for it. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends who think it’s the greatest thing ever created, but I’m 30 and the series was off the air by the time I was five. Now, of course there’s no excuse, because it’s on basic cable every day and multiple streaming services, but I feel like as long as you’ve seen the classics you can get the gist of Seinfeld. I’ve watched the Soup Nazi, marine biologist, and the majority of the Curb series. That should be enough to function in society. I don’t have to go back and watch it like say the Sopranos or like later generations will watch Game of Thrones. It is a show about nothing. It doesn’t have a plot. So when people think I’m nuts because I’ve never seen it I don’t understand. It’s no Friends.