We’re early into Spring Training. The full roster hasn’t even reported yet, but it doesn’t mean Garrett Stubbs hasn’t been looking for a new song to replace Dancing On My Own, via Andrew Unterberger at Billboard.com:

Have you thought about what the next in line song would be if “Dancing on My Own” wasn’t working anymore? 

I mean, we’ve thought about it plenty, right? We tried to get rid of it this last year. And I don’t even wanna use the words “get rid of,” but we tried to move on from it and find something new and fresh. And we ended up reverting back to it. I think the fans have certain feelings about bringing it back in 2024, which I totally understand — when you don’t win the World Series, a lot of fans feel like it’s not a success. And us players feel the same way, too. But there has been a lot of success — not just with the song, but with the team for the past few years — so we do have a lot of really good memories, and I hope that eventually we just do find a new song that gives us a good vibe and a new good energy that people can connect with.

I understand the anxiety that comes with having to pick a winning song. It’s got to be the same experience as picking a yearbook quote during senior year of high school. Do you go with a Drake lyric? Is Drake going to still be cool in 30 years when you look back on it? Or do you play it safe with some 19th century politician or something? It’s important. How else are you going to let your kids know you were the man?
Here’s what the Phillies need to do. Everyone on the 40 man brings three songs with them to Spring Training, have Stubbs load them on the Spotify playlist, then have the clubbies get a bunch of beer, tequila, and whiskey to recreate that clinching mindset, and no one can leave until they play the entire 120 song catalogue and pick one that feels right. That’s the only chance we have to find another song. If nothing hits like Dancing On My Own then nothing hits like Dancing On My Own and we run it back.
“No, DOMO is a second place song!” you cry. Second place can always be upgraded to first. Ask your side-chick and ask Jay Wright and Villanova basketball. All it takes is one title to be remembered forever then no one is talking about 2022 and 2023 ever again. Plus they’ve already tried new winning songs and they didn’t work:

Do songs ever get nixed for being bad luck? Like if you hear a song before a big loss, or it’s the first song that gets played after a big loss, are you ever like, “All right, that song’s no longer part of the vibe, we gotta get it out of here?”

Well, so last year, we tried to get rid of “Dancing on My Own.” Which didn’t go very well at the beginning of the season. And so we ended up putting that back on. But we went through a number of different songs. I know that Juicy J was at one point getting played. I put on “Erryday” by Juicy J after wins. That quickly got axed. There was another J. Cole song that got played after wins — that was just a little too slow. And like, you’re looking around the league, there’s probably songs that get played that are in multiple locker rooms. So we try to keep it independent to ours. I’m sure at one point “All I Do Is Win” was just like the song that everyone played.  

Honestly Erryday would’ve been my choice just for the hilarious bit. Imagine a crusty old baseball reporter tweeting out a clip with “Get up Bitch! Get up Bitch! Get up Bitch!” in the background of the Phillies celebration: