It’s a slow sports day so I wanted to share something from a community group out here in the burbs. There’s talk of filling a mostly-empty shopping center in Towamencin with a Target, Whole Foods, and other stores, but some residents are concerned that this will result in crime, traffic, and noise and light pollution:

Oh no! Not Target! How are they going to fit it right next to the blighted and vacant shopping center? And how will we handle traffic? They might have to add a stoplight.

It sounds absurd on the surface, and it is, because this particular spot is off Forty Foot Road on the Hatfield/Towamencin border and the only businesses currently open are a Wendy’s, Verizon, Wells Fargo, and Planet Fitness. The rest of the shopping center features absolutely nothing and can hold 6-8 more businesses, large ones included. There’s also another shopping center less than a mile down the road with a Lowe’s, Shoprite, Kohl’s, Ross, blah blah typical white suburbia, but apparently that’s not a traffic/crime/noise/light pollution menace, though this one would be.

So that’s one thing that makes me laugh, the fact that there are NIMBYs in Towamencin Township, of all places. Based on the complaints, you’d think developers were trying to build a basketball arena on the border of an Asian community.

The other thing about the suburban Facebook community group is that 99% of the questions can simply be Googled.

Examples:

  • Does anybody know where I can buy a cake around here?
  • Are there any good laundromats? 
  • Why haven’t they picked up the recycling yet? 
  • Did anyone hear that loud bang last night? 
  • Who has the best pizza? (700 replies and they’re all different)

And these from a CB reader:

All of these questions can be answered on the internet. Google reviews for food and laundromats, local news organizations for the loud bang you heard last night, and the Whitetail Disposal website for why the recycling was not picked up.

The other thing you frequently see on these pages is one person scolding another person. For instance: “to the woman who cut in front of me in the Aldi parking lot, I hope you read this and contract leprosy.” Or “if you were driving the black Honda Civic along Swamp Pike today, slow down, you were going 38 in a 35.” I oftentimes wonder if the perpetrator actually sees these types of messages. It has to be less than 1% in frequency.

Another thing that makes me laugh is the total suspicion of anything that could possibly be construed as some type of criminal activity. “Earlier today I saw a teenager walking down the street wearing black jeans and a sweatshirt, he could be canvassing the neighborhood.” Actually, ma’am, he’s just walking to his job. He doesn’t have a car. This type of post is particularly popular among the Karens of Montco and Bucks.

You know what I’m talking about with all of this. It really is the gift that keeps on giving, the suburban Facebook community group. Nowhere else can you find this combination of NIMBYism, paranoia, and cluelessness.

(I’m going to submit this post to my local community groups, but not sure the 5 admins will approve)

EDIT – an earlier version of this story said the Target was going IN the shopping center, but the blueprint shows it’s about 50 feet to the left of the shopping center, so a very minor technicality there #journalism