If you’re a washed suburban dad, you’ll love what Landon Dickerson is doing with his new four-year contract, worth up to $87 million:

“something I’ve been looking into..”

Some athletes spend their money on houses and cars. Others use it on hookers and blow. But the now-highest-paid guard in NFL history wants that zero-turn riding mower and it’s the most relatable thing a Philadelphia athlete has said since 36-year-old Jason Kelce told us he was feeling sore several days after playing sports.

Let’s welcome Landon Dickerson to the riding mower club:

This is my EGO Z-6 battery-powered zero-turn mower. The topic of the award-winning article, Crossing Broad Product Review: The Electric, Zero-Turn Riding Mower Changed My LifeIt’s worth every single dollar if you’ve got a challenging yard and/or you just want something a lot more efficient, so you’re not spending hour after hour doing basic upkeep.

What’s great about Dickerson is that he’s got enough money now to pay people to mow his lawn, and not just at his house. He’s got enough money to buy a 2nd or 3rd house and have the landscaping company come out to all three. Hell, he’s got enough money to buy the landscaping company outright. But I love the insinuation that he’s just gonna do it himself. How many NFL players are doing yeoman’s work in 2024? That’s why these guys are so likeable. Kelce goes home and plays with his kids. Lane Johnson lifts weights in his garage or barn or whatever that was. And Landon Dickerson pancakes some hapless scrub into the ground, then goes home and gets on his riding mower.

One of us! One of us!