The last time Spencer Strider pitched at Citizens Bank Park, Nick Castellanos hit a ball that hasn’t landed yet:

You’re not going to like what I’m about to say, but Strider will probably teabag the Phillies on Opening Day. When there’s no pressure, he owns them at CBP. We’ll hear about Rob Thomson not having the fellas ready  for game 1 of 162, and a cold glass of water will be thrown on our Opening Day boner.

I would fast forward the baseball season if it didn’t mean missing summer. This one is going to be a lonnnnnnnnng one. There’s too many eyeballs on this team and too many expectations. Every move Topper makes will be scrutinized. People might kill each other on the streets arguing where Kyle Schwarber should bat. They’re already freaking out about Bryce Harper’s back soreness and the guy came back early from major Tommy John surgery not even a year ago. The only thing keeping us from treating every game like it’s the Eagles is the fact that they wake up and play another the next day. It’s going to be six months of us at each other’s throats and they’ll win 85 games and make the NLCS for the third year in the row. We got a taste of it with the Trea Turner ovation last year. Brace yourselves. I’m warning you. It’s coming.

But for now, nice mustache pussssssssy!