If you haven’t heard, I-95 North is down for the next couple of days because a tractor trailer ran into a bridge. PennDOT doesn’t have a firm timeline yet on when the northbound lanes will open, but if they want to do this quickly and efficiently they’ll hire Yo Memo and Charisse.


They say if you speak that phrase into the mirror of a Northeast Philly Wawa bathroom three times, these guys will appear to fix your bridge:

Here’s what the damage looks like:


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Hey Northeast Philly, get it together. Can we learn how to drive over there? You’re fucking it up for the rest of us. It’s WrestleMania week for god’s sake. We’re trying to show the world Philly is more than just Kensington zombies and now twice someone’s damaged a bridge in that section of 95 in the last nine months. My DoorDash delivery times are doubling.

Here’s your traffic report for the next several days:

I wonder what this guy thinks of all of this:

He’s like my Ja Rule on 9/11. Can somebody please find Pete? Find this motherfucker so I can make sense of all this! Where’s Pete???