Heroic Man Waging Guerrilla Warfare Against New York City Pickleball Courts

Meantime, in New York City:

Somebody is waging war against the Riverside Park pickelball courts at W. 110th Street.

Cutting up the nets, putting it in trash bags, dismantling the equipment and then scattering it randomly throughout the park.

A vandal struck the courts 3 times in the past 7 days. pic.twitter.com/f37L9Q8Vb4

— Gus Saltonstall (@GusSaltonstall) May 24, 2024

Not the hero we deserved, but the hero we needed. A silent guardian. A watchful protector. A dark knight.

More from Saltonstall at the West Side Rag:

Early Saturday morning, players arrived at the courts and encountered a man who had dismantled all five of the nets, several ball barriers, and stacked the poles on the side of the court, multiple people told the Rag.

…

The players confronted the man, and he took off without taking any of the equipment.

…

The players proceeded to re-set up the nets, thinking that was the end of it.

The next morning, though, on Sunday, Mark Hurst and two other players arrived at the courts to find the nets and poles completely gone.

Sounds like we’ve got a modern day Che Guevara on our hands here, locked in a Guerrilla war with big pickle. Normally we wouldn’t endorse vandalism, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Pickleball is a scourge and someone needs to stand up and say “enough already.” If we don’t act, then what? Pickle will sweep over this country like a swarm of locusts, converting every flat surface into a 44×20 hellscape. Able-bodied 30 year olds will abandon real sports and play something their grandmother plays. You’re too young to play pickleball, and this vigilante knows it.

Lights out, TURN THAT SHIT UP