Last week, we launched a new, recurring featured called “Robot Story of Week,” in which we get cheap and free labor from artificial intelligence. It’s a good way to up our post count and get in a few laughs while someone or something else does the work.

This time, I asked chatGPT to “write me a story about a pessimistic Philadelphia Phillies fan who can’t enjoy winning in May because he’s worried about the bats going cold in the playoffs.”

Out came a tale called “The Pessimist’s Playoffs” – 

“In the heart of Philadelphia, where cheesesteaks sizzle on grills and the crack of a baseball bat is music to the ears, lived a man named Charlie. Charlie wasn’t just a fan of the Philadelphia Phillies; he was a seasoned pessimist, always bracing himself for the worst, especially when it came to his beloved team.

While the Phillies soared to the top of the league standings in May, Charlie couldn’t muster an ounce of excitement. Sure, the wins piled up, the offense was firing on all cylinders, but to Charlie, it was all too good to be true. As he watched the games from his worn-out armchair, he couldn’t shake the sinking feeling in his gut that haunted him like a ghostly specter.

“It’s all well and good now,” Charlie muttered to himself, his eyes fixed on the TV screen as the Phillies rallied for another victory, “but what about when October rolls around? What if the bats go cold when it matters most?”

His friends and family grew tired of his perpetual pessimism. “Charlie, can’t you just enjoy the wins while they last?” they’d plead, but Charlie couldn’t help himself. He was a prisoner of his own pessimism, shackled to a relentless cycle of doubt and despair.

As the summer sun beat down on Philadelphia and the Phillies continued their winning ways, Charlie’s anxiety reached new heights. Every hit, every run scored, only served to fuel his fears of impending disappointment. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t focus on anything other than the looming specter of playoff failure.

But then, as the days grew shorter and the nights grew colder, something unexpected happened. In a twist of fate that even Charlie couldn’t have predicted, the Phillies stumbled in the final stretch of the season, their once-potent offense sputtering like a dying flame.

As the playoffs loomed on the horizon, Charlie’s pessimism gave way to a grim resignation. “I knew it was too good to be true,” he muttered, his voice heavy with defeat, as he watched the Phillies limp into the postseason.

But then, just when all hope seemed lost, a glimmer of optimism flickered in Charlie’s heart. Maybe, just maybe, this was exactly what the Phillies needed—a wake-up call, a reminder that nothing in baseball was guaranteed.

And sure enough, as the playoffs unfolded, the Philadelphia Phillies defied all expectations, clawing their way through adversity with a gritty determination that left fans and pundits alike in awe. Game after game, they battled against the odds, their bats coming alive when it mattered most, their pitchers delivering clutch performances under pressure.

As the Phillies advanced deeper into the playoffs, Charlie found himself swept up in the excitement, his pessimism giving way to cautious optimism. Could it be? Was this finally the year that the Phillies would silence the doubters and hoist the championship trophy high?

In a thrilling, edge-of-your-seat World Series showdown that had fans holding their breath until the very last pitch, the Philadelphia Phillies emerged victorious, crowned champions of the baseball world. And as the confetti rained down from the rafters and the city erupted in celebration, Charlie stood amidst the jubilant crowds, a tear of joy streaming down his cheek.

In that moment of pure elation, Charlie realized something profound. It wasn’t about being pessimistic or optimistic; it was about believing in something greater than oneself, about rallying behind a team and a city with unwavering faith and devotion.

And as he watched the Phillies raise the championship banner high above the field, Charlie knew that he would cherish this moment for the rest of his days, a reminder that in baseball, as in life, miracles could happen when you least expected them.”

Wow, what a story! A reminder that you have to enjoy the moment and can’t always be worried about what may happen five months from now. Namaste. Even artificial intelligence knows that Negadelphia is unhealthy.

Go Phils!