This is week 3 of a new running bit called “Robot Story of the Week.” The whole point is that we ask artificial intelligence to write something for us, then we get two laughs out of it. One laugh is from the story itself and the second laugh is because we did like 4 minutes of work while A.I. did the rest.

This week we’re talking Flyers.

I asked ChatGPT to give me the tale of a diehard Flyers fan who is anxiously awaiting news of Matvei Michkov’s arrival in Philadelphia. How does he deal with the stress and uncertainty? What I got in return was a Pulitzer candidate titled Between Dreams and Doubts –

In the heart of Delaware County, where the echoes of Volbeat’s melodies mingled with the dense vapor clouds, lived Jake, a diehard Philadelphia Flyers fan. His allegiance to the orange and black ran deep, woven into the fabric of his being. Yet, amidst the fervor of anticipation, Jake found himself teetering on the edge of excitement and anxiety as rumors swirled about Russian draft pick Matvei Michkov.

Jake lived for Flyers hockey. From his modest abode in Delco, he immersed himself in the sport, his passion fueled by the pounding beats of Volbeat’s music and the soothing haze of vapor from his e-cigarette. But when whispers of Michkov’s potential arrival reached his ears, Jake’s devotion soared to new heights, mingled with uncertainty.

Navigating through a labyrinth of dubious Russian media reports and questionable social media posts, Jake searched desperately for any concrete information about Michkov’s intentions. Yet, as he scrolled through endless forums and Twitter feeds, uncertainty gnawed at his insides.

Would Michkov make the leap to the NHL, leaving behind his native Russia? Or would political tensions cast a shadow over his dreams of playing for the Flyers? The questions tormented Jake, each passing day adding to the weight of his anticipation.

As the wait stretched on, Jake’s anxiety mounted. The uncertainty of it all threatened to overwhelm him, leaving him gasping for breath in a sea of doubt. Turning to his medication for solace, Jake popped a Xanax pill, hoping to quell the storm raging within his mind.

Days turned into weeks, and still, there was no definitive news. Jake’s nerves were frayed, his heart racing with every rumor, every whisper of speculation. He tried to find solace in the familiar rhythms of Volbeat’s music, but even the pounding beats failed to drown out the noise of his doubts.

Then, one fateful evening, as Jake sat alone in his dimly lit room, his phone buzzed with a notification. With trembling hands, he reached for the device, his heart pounding in his chest. It was a message from a fellow Flyers fan – a link to a Russian news website.

With bated breath, Jake clicked on the link, his eyes scanning the Cyrillic text in search of answers. And there, buried amidst the jumble of characters, was the news he had been waiting for – a report confirming Matvei Michkov’s decision to join the Philadelphia Flyers.

Relief flooded through Jake, washing away the doubts that had plagued him for so long. It was happening – his favorite team had secured the Russian phenom. And as he let out a sigh of relief, Jake knew that the wait had been worth it.

For Jake, the arrival of Matvei Michkov was more than just a signing – it was a triumph over uncertainty, a beacon of hope in a sea of doubt. And as he reclined in his chair, enveloped in the soothing vapor of his e-cigarette, Jake allowed himself to dream of the bright future that lay ahead for his beloved Flyers.

Great story! Had me on the edge of my seat. Play the song!