Lets go down to the shore hunny! Pack up the car and strap in the kids! It’s going to be a fun-filled weekend of ice cream, boardwalk, and ahhhhhhh I’ve been stabbed! What a weekend for the shore. We had fights on Friday, a stabbing on Saturday in Ocean City, and Wildwood declared a state of emergency on Sunday, which shut the boardwalk down. There were too many calls about large groups of teenagers being a nuisance:

 

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For 24 hours I had a leg up on Kyle Scott’s precious Ocean City while I vacationed in North Wildwood all weekend. New Jersey’s “Best Beach Town” turned into Fallujah for the second straight year while the only thing in danger in Wildwood was a beer. That ended Sunday, when before I even woke up, Maestro had Steve Keeley’s tweet queued up in the Slack already. He’s so smug.

Love those Wildwood days! Wild-Wild-Wildwood days!

 

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How about that old dude in the white shirt making a citizen’s arrest, huh? Was that guy undercover or just some law-abiding citizen with a hard on to restore order in his beloved shore town? We need more guys like him. He wasn’t afraid to get his blue collar, calloused mitts dirty. He dropped that knee on the kid’s back a little too confidently if we’re being honest, but in a hectic situation like that you’re not thinking clearly. I bet he’s a PCL guy. That dude screams Ryan or Judge. That would never happen with the Inter-AC crowd in Ocean City. Someone might break a nail and miss a tee time. They bunt to break up Perfect Games.

How fast do you think that cop had this photo hung up in his living room like a trophy piece? What a picture. Gonna talk about the time he wrangled an unruly teen MDW Weekend to anyone who will listen like it’s a 12 point buck:

Wildwood’s tourism board should think about putting this pic on a billboard when you come onto the island, just to let people know what will happen if they bring their riff-raff to the boardwalk.

I didn’t even mention the reports of shots fired on the Seaside Heights boardwalk (false alarm), which saw dudes running up and down with heavy artillery dodging strollers and a family of four eating ice cream. Some toddler saw their first AR-15 before they saw their first fireworks show. It’s crazy down the shore. I think a little bit more madness and I might be able to afford a shore house. Buy the dip:

 

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