I’m not panicking with the Phillies. If you came to read some doom and gloom on this Monday, go find a bunch of other sports sites that are happy to pile on after losing a series to the Orioles. I look forward to catching the O’s again at full strength in late October when Dave Dombrowski has made his deadline moves to shore up this team. I don’t know who scheduled the Phils to travel on the road for two straight series after flying over to London, but I’d like their head on a spike. I don’t even feel like ridiculing Nick Castellanos for his 0-fer the entire series. Because what 0-fer?

Are Castey foul balls covered by the Apple Care warranty? Did Tim get the ball? Why does Nick Castellanos love messing with the media? All questions we deserve answers to.

If you ask me, this is the best work day ever for ‘ol Tim Kelly. He covered the game, but can’t file the story and he has proof why. It’s the equivalent to “dog ate my homework,” except the dog actually ate your homework. Sorry, I can’t write about Luis Ortiz being dogshit, boss. I have a dent the size of a Nick Castellanos baseball where the apple used to be. My laptop’s brains are scrambled all over my desk. If anything, Tim is the luckiest guy out of all of this past weekend. I’m sure daddy Middleton has an insurance policy for this type of stuff and probably gave Tim a fat stack for him to go down to the Apple store before the rubber match on Sunday. Maybe this story will go viral enough and Apple will throw in some free shit. I know reporters never want to make themselves part of the story, but fuck that. Strike while the iron is hot. The least Apple could do is throw in an adapter for making our lives more inconvenient with every new Mac laptop they release.

The press box at Camden Yards is borderline Area 51 with the amount of unidentified flying objects that come in here:

via Baltimore Sun/Ken Lam