SEPTA is back to implementing quality-of-life fines for disorderly conduct on public transit. Good. We need some law and order brought back to SEPTA. The city should be paying us to ride the El in it’s current state (though it has significantly gotten better). SEPTA plans to start enforcing smoking, drinking, littering, and/or peeing on the train with fines via David Chang NBC10. If you do all four in one trip I think you hit for the cycle:

SEPTA is set to enforce fines and penalties for quality-of-life crimes, including alcohol consumption, public urination, smoking, littering and other offenses.

The fines, which will range from $25 to $150, are part of an effort to discourage disorderly conduct, crack down on repeat offenders and improve the overall customer experience on SEPTA properties, officials said.

The enforcement will begin on July 1, 2024.

Pretty ironic I can’t crack open a cold Miller Lite when they’re paying for my subway back and forth from the Birds home opener, right? Is this still America, dood?

Now will these laws be enforced on Eagles gameday? I doubt it. Phillies, Sixers, and Flyers games? More likely since gen pop on those rides is typically lighter. Who knows. I just wanted to bring these new laws to your attention in case you’re heading down to the Phils after July 1st and want to crack open a cold one on the R5 or the BSL to keep your head on a swivel.

I’m all for going back to the brown bag. Vintage is in right now. It takes you back to simpler times when you could drink and smoke openly on the train. I mean my first experience riding the subway at Temple was someone lighting a joint up on my way to class in Center City. My coddled ass thought it was the craziest thing in the world. So what did I do? Took a photo, put one of those original shitty Instagram filters on it, and uploaded it to my 100 followers to show my friends and family what life in the big city is all about:

What a shot! Being able to get the flame in action? Look at Ansel fucking Adams over here.

You know who probably benefits the most from this? Wawa. Someone who’s smarter than I am should monitor their annual soda revenue year-over-year if SEPTA really starts cracking down on this. There’s no better full-proof plan than getting a 44 oz Wawa cup filling it with Sprite or Coke and putting whatever spirit you wish in there for your long journey to the land of South Philly.

Are we on SEPTA? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!