Nick Castellanos wasn’t the only guy hitting a home run in Philly last night. Two people were getting it on in the back of a Range Rover Wednesday morning next to the Schuylkill River. One of them hit the PRNDL and the car rolled into the river. This isn’t the Bang Bus, it’s more like the Shaggin’ Wagon:

Score one for the poors! A 2005 Toyota Camry would’ve never shifted into drive while you were having sex. You had to hold in that button on the side the shifter and use all your force just to drop it into reverse. Those circular PRNDLs in a Range Rover don’t stand a chance. All that money you spend on this car and there’s no anti-sex mechanism.

Here’s more from Fox 29:

A vehicle parked on Kelly Drive had made its way into the river near the Columbia Bridge around 4:45 a.m. Police say a man and woman were engaging in sexual activity in the backseat when the woman accidentally disengaged the gear, causing the vehicle to roll right into the water.

Luckily, both the man and woman were able to escape safely with no injuries. The vehicle, believed to be a Land or Range Rover, was pulled from the water around 9 a.m.

So this guy was with a hooker right? What other scenario would make sense? Cheating? Are two people really meeting up on the banks of the Schuylkill before work? What are they in, waste management?

The Range Rover is a dead giveaway. If I had to think of what a guy who likes escorts would drive my first choice would be Range Rover. It’s like seeing a Nissan Altima behind you on the highway. You switch lanes as fast as possible because they don’t follow the rules of the road. Shout out to the two people who got out. Unless that guy’s wife finds out. Then I’m sure he’d rather be at the bottom of the Schuylkill with the rest of the bodies.


Obligatory Always Sunny clip: