It’s the third week of August in the Delaware Valley, so you know what that means. Pumpkin shit everywhere. Pumpkin beer, pumpkin coffee, pumpkin spiced latte, and more pumpkin than the whitest of white women can consume:

That last image was shared by asshole Luke Arcaini on Twitter. It’s from Starbucks, and no, Fall is not “on.” I don’t care if it was 56 degrees on Wednesday morning. It’s going up to 87 this weekend and we’re throwing on a sleeveless shirt and taking the bikes up to Lake Galena. The problem with you people is that you think Summer ends when your kid goes back to school on August 28th, like it’s this “fun’s over, time to hit the books” type of thing. It’s a defeatist way of thinking. The actual end of Summer is Sunday, September 22nd, so we’ve got a full month left before we have to give it up. You can still go to the shore in September, you can do every outdoor activity in the book, you can swim, you can grill, you can tan. Yet we’re inundated with weirdos who think that once the calendar flips to 9/1, all of the Summer clothes go into a plastic bin and we’re back to flannel and jeans.

RE: pictures #2 and #3, sorry for the crap reflection, but Wawa is the worst with this. Look at the list of Pumpkin stuff they’re already serving:

  • Pumpkin Brulee Iced Latte
  • Pumpkin Brulee Cold Foam Iced Coffee
  • Pumpkin Spice Cold Foam Iced Latte
  • Pumpkin Spice Iced Coffee
  • Pumpkin Spice Cold Foam Iced Coffee
  • Pumpkin Spice Iced Latte
  • Pumpkin Spice Mocha Iced Latte
  • Pumpkin Brulee Iced Cold Foam Latte
  • Pumpkin Sweet Cream Cold Brew Iced Coffee
  • Pumpkin Cheesecake Cream Smoothie
  • Pumpkin Brulee Cream Smoothie
  • Pumpkin Spice Frozen Capuccino
  • Pumpkin Cookies and Cream Cream Smoothie
  • Pumpkin Brulee Frozen Capuccino

And I’m pretty sure the Pumpkin Spice coffee is available now as well. It’s too much.

Wawa is like the maternity nurse cranking up the Pitocin, only instead of trying to induce a baby they’re trying to induce a new season.


The only person who gets half a bone here is Bill Colarulo:

Yes this is true, Pumpkin Spice does herald the beginning of football, MLB playoffs, and training camps for the Sixers and Flyers. But this is pure symbolism here, because, again, Summer goes until 9/22. The Eagles will play three regular season games by then. So 17.6% of the NFL campaign will be played in the Summer. It skews even further for college football, where Temple, for instance, plays four games before 9/22, amounting to 33% of their entire schedule. Football is a Summer sport! You heard it here first.

What’s happening is that people are trying to shorten Summer to two months and extend Fall to four months. Why? Summer is the best month. Why are we in such a rush to get it over with? It’s the same with the Christmas stuff popping up before 10/31. We’re trying to enjoy Halloween. It’s stressful. This is the problem with America in a nutshell. Nobody can enjoy anything that’s currently happening. We’re only looking forward to what comes next. I blame rampant consumerism and people who are “too hot” in July. Try Canada’s Yukon Territory if you’re looking for 65 degree Summers.