Can you imagine what the national media would say if this happened in Philly? I kid. I kid. But this Halloween brawl in Center City last night was awesome! I haven’t seen a good lady fight in a while. Usually it’s just a bunch of hair pulling, falling down, and chicks with zero cardiovascular strength getting tired after 10 seconds so the bigger one just sits on the smaller one. This had the makings of a classic! We had all shapes and sizes of Tinkerbell, girls going 2 v 1, and chicks even squaring up! This is what a Disney princess movie would be like if they all grew up in Northeast Philly:

 

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I think that is exactly what Bruce was mumbling about in Streets of Philadelphia.

Lets break it down:

I knew it was going down when I spotted the Twisted Tea pounders. Nothing screams ‘I’m ready to roll around in bum piss’ like pregaming with a Twisted Tea Pounder. It’s like walking into someone’s house and seeing a Live. Laugh. Love. sign immediately. You know that mom can drink with the best of them, but that cooking is going to be subpar.

Who is the girl in the black pants and white shirt? She’s my early favorite for MVP. She wanted smoke with everyone!


Here she is starting it:

This girl is just swinging at anyone and anything she can find. The only problem is she’s like 80 pounds soaking wet fighting wayyyyyy above her weight class. Look at her spot her next challenger and immediately get thrown into a headlock:

She honestly might’ve lost every single one on one, but she kept coming back for more and you can’t teach motor:

Here she is getting in on the pile! That’s 15 yards for a late hit, but we’ll take that hustle any day:

Here she is squaring up! This is an amazing shot:

Sidenote: Pink bra, black shorts girl what the hell is going on with this costume? What’re you dressed as HPV?

And then after getting her ass kicked and taking on the white trash Avengers she did the unthinkable and went up and dapped her fiercest opponent:

MVP! MVP! MVP! That’s just game respecting game right there!

My next favorite is easily Tinkerbell. She played peacemaker for most of it until she had had enough.

CHOO! CHOO!

Squared her feet up and kicked threw this girl out of the club. Get her ass to Jeff Stoutland, pronto!

Where the hell did redhead tinkerbell spawn from??? She looked like she was going to be a main character until she fled when the punches started being thrown. Lights got too bright. She knew her part though. She’s the woman in the background of every fight you see at a football game yelling, “Stop! What’re you doing?!” Absolutely contributing nothing to stopping it, but becoming a main character because her vocal fry is taking over the entire sound. She’d be the worst part of this entire thing if it wasn’t for this girl….

I love girl rationale. “This is none of your business, yo!” Ma’am, you’re having a Battle Royale in the middle of the street! I hate everything about this girl. Of course she sucker punched the chick who didn’t throw one punch the entire time. This is like when the Nazis would shoot the medics on the battlefield during WWII:

Here’s a salute to you, you white trash queens! You deserve all the Twisted Tea pounders in the village to ice your cuts and numb your pain. The good news is that was only Thursday. You’ve got two more days this weekend to make up for it! So what you have a black eye. Nothing a little trip to Sephora can’t fix. Get right back up on that horse. I’ll see you in Jetro this Sunday to roll on some Jaguars fans!