Look at this slob. Gut hanging over his belt. Struggling to get the jersey over his gelatinous arms. The Mets paid over $700 million for this oaf? Phillies dodged one:

Oh Kyle you’re being ridiculous. He’s got two months and then the entire Spring Training to get in shape? 

Oh yea? Everyone knows after 25 your body is cooked. You can’t bounce back like you used to. Beer pitchers and a late night Cheesy Gordita, Chicken Quesadilla, Nacho Supreme and a Beefy Layer Burrito order start to catch up. Hangovers get worse. Last time I checked Soto is 26. This dude officially has an expiration date stamped on him. Look at these buttons holding on for dear life!

It’s going to be hard for Juando Sandoval to catch up to a Zack Wheeler four seamer while his man boobs are in the the way. Juando shouldn’t have the same body as me. He’s sucking in like I do when I’m trying to fit into a dress shirt my first wedding back after winter:

And whose idea was it to dress a fat guy in a turtleneck? Must’ve been like fitting a watermelon through a garden hose.


Look at him clawing at it just so he can breathe:

I can tell his A1C’s are off. He’s probably pre-diabetic. If he doesn’t lose a foot in Queens then 15 years of bodegas and 24-hour diners are going to have him looking like Chris Christie in the NYPD game:

UPDATE: Every photo continues to get worse and worse! He’s fat as shit!