Ad Disclosure
Bryce Harper Wingmans a Promposal (UPDATE)
By Kyle Pagan
Published:
You want to know how you’ll have a 100% success rate on your promposal? Bring Bryce Harper with you. Just be ready when he gets a hug before you do:
Bryce Harper wingman’s a promposal and gets a hug before the date does 😂pic.twitter.com/D173ij4h22
— Crossing Broad (@CrossingBroad) May 21, 2024
This kid has to be the absolute man in school. Easily the talk of the lunch table. He should be excused from any homework or projects that were due. “Sorry teach, I was too busy setting up the greatest promposal the Delaware Valley has ever seen. Haven’t you seen it? It’s everywhere.”
Can you imagine his friend’s girlfriends? “Oh thanks for spelling out prom on my stoop with dollar store candles.* Jake got Bryce fucking Harper to ask Emma to prom.” It’s impossible to live up to that. A great teaching moment for all of Jake’s friends at a young age. There is always going to be someone who’s better, more creative, and has a richer dad than you do. You know what? Now I’m kind of doing a 180 on Jake if we’re being honest. Fuck Jake. You couldn’t have just got a marker and wrote on her car after school? He didn’t even bring any balloons, flowers, nothing! Cocky move there by my guy Jake. He didn’t even have to say a word either. You know what? I’m glad she hugged Bryce over him first. He did all of the work. What is this, the 2019 Phillies?
Who do you think was more excited to see Bryce, the girl or the dad?
That coy “Oh my god” from pops like he wasn’t watching the Ring doorbell impatiently waiting for his baby girl to say yes so he could shake the GOAT’s hand. Congrats to the happy couple! Don’t know if you’re dating, but I already know it’s over. It’s never going to get better than this. Relationships don’t last when they peak at 18. Add in college as another obstacle and this is DOA.
*This is exactly what I did for my promposal. Shout out to the Internet for the last minute idea. Pretty sure her dad was pissed I got so much wax on the stoop.
Kinkead: This kid is wearing an Ace Frehley shirt? If he can name 2 Ace Frehley songs then credit to the young man.
UPDATE: Here’s a ton of background story thanks to the Phantastic Sports Show. The kid just went up to Bryce’s door and knocked on it:
View this post on Instagram
Kyle writes blog posts and does Man on the Street-style videos all around Philadelphia. He graduated from Temple University (a basketball school) in 2015. contact: k.pagan@sportradar.com