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Finally, a Women’s Hockey Team Named After the Best Nintendo 64 Game of All Time
Published:
The Pro Women’s Hockey League is expanding in Cascadia, and one of the teams is the “Vancouver Goldeneyes” –
Awesome. It’s about time they named a team after the greatest Nintendo 64 game of all time. I’ll be ordering my custom jersey with “RC-P90” on the back.
Sources say the initial roster will include right winger Natalya Simonova, centre Xenia Onatopp, and defensewoman Mayday.
Front office executives include General Manager Alec Trevelyan and President of Hockey Operations Boris Grishenko. We’re told that coaching roles are being considered for Arkady Grigorovich Ourumov and Valentin Dmitrovich Zukovsky.
A list of theme nights for 2026 has not yet officially been released, but sources indicate that it includes the following:
- January 7th – “Slappers Only” night
- February 2nd – remote mines in The Facility
- March 12th – DK Mode (all of the players and refs have huge heads)
- April 15th – Klobb giveaway to first 500 fans
- May 26th – no Oddjob night
- June 9th – Cougar Magnums (all women over the age of 50 get in free)
Should be a lot of fun. Can’t wait to get up to B.C. for a game.
Here’s some more information from The Associated Press:
“the Goldeneyes nickname was inspired by the duck common to northern climates, including Vancouver and British Columbia. The logo features the city and nickname circling a feathery golden eye, which is tilting up to reflect it pointing northwest.”
Wait, what the HELL? A duck? We’ve all been hoodwinked, bamboozled, and led astray.
Kevin has been writing about Philadelphia sports since 2009. He spent seven years in the CBS 3 sports department and started with the Union during the team's 2010 inaugural season. He went to the academic powerhouses of Boyertown High School and West Virginia University. email - k.kinkead@sportradar.com