Phillies

Jake Arrieta Is My New Favorite Baseball Player

By Kyle Scott

Published: Oct 8th, 2015 · 9:38 AM EDT

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I won’t even be able to handle all the feels when Chase Utley steps to the plate for his first at-bat against Jake Arrieta when they inevitably meet in the NLCS, because there’s a new bae in my shed, and this one has perfect beard.

I watched about 20 innings of baseball this year– nine at the one Phillies game I went to, the last three of Cole Hamels’ no-hitter (Arrieta’s last loss, by the way), six in the All-Star game. What’s that, 18? Two by accident. And, highlights of his no-hitter and mustache onesie notwithstanding, none of them included Jake Arrieta– Cubs ace, beardsman, and my new favorite player.

It took until only about the third inning last night – Arrieta’s complete game shutout of the Pirates – to be won over. His mound demeanor can only be described as Cliff Lee meets Drogo meets a wry-witted bull:

If his stoic excellence wasn’t enough, surely the stare-down after he was plunked in retaliation for hitting two batters himself – which cleared the benches [video] – put it over the edge:

At this point, my wife and I had the following conversation:

Me: Do you think he’s good looking?

Wife: Maybe without the beard.

Me: WHAT?

Wife: I don’t know, the beard just makes him seem like, who is it, Paul Bunyan? Like he should have an ox.

Me: Yes. Yes, he should have an ox.

Is this post a bit gay? Yeah, maybe a little. But that’s fine. I’m man enough to say it. I’m married, Jake’s married…

… oh what he’s a family man, too?! Total package.

Related: Will Leitch, a Cardinals fan, swoons over Arrieta.