Phillies

John Middleton Just Threw Down The Gauntlet at Joshua Harris’ Italian Leather Clad Feet

By Kyle Scott

Published: Apr 20th, 2017 · 9:08 AM EDT

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This is just what I needed, today, the 1,086th day since a Philly team has won a playoff series (F!)– John Middleton and his billionaire hair on the WIP Morning Show, which thankfully posted a video so we can all see Middleton’s rich-ass locks in their rich-ass glory. HE JUST WANTS TO WIN:

“The most important reason professional sports teams exist is to win. And if you’re not aiming to win, then you really don’t belong owning a sports team in my opinion… but I’m not gonna give you some pablum(!) that you have to go through a process.”

I predict he’ll kill a man, maybe several, if he doesn’t win a World Series by 2020. He is the lone Phillies executive who cares not about your fanciful nostalgia and just wants rings. In fact, I’d be shocked if he hasn’t already started tampering with Bryce Harper, Manny Machado and Mike Trout by sending them singing stogie-grams carrying cigar boxes full of unmarked bills. I mean, this is a guy who made his money in BIG TOBACCO. You think he gives a shit who he hurts or what rules he breaks en route to another WFC? No way. Not one bit. Hell, he just threw the gauntlet down at Joshua Harris’ feet with that process dig. Fact-check: Middleton is richer than Harris. None of that cute private equity shit– Middleton deals in raw, unfiltered cigar smoke. Harris cowers at the mere thought of such brute-force capitalism. I don’t know why, but somehow I just turned this into a showdown between two billionaires. WHO WILL WIN FIRST? I like the direction the Sixers are heading, but somehow my money is on Middleton. I’m convinced he will buy the trophy – like literally purchase it from Major League Baseball – before he lets the Yankees get another one. I love this guy, so much so that I’m not even gonna blog about all the bodies that turn up in his wake as he machetes through professional sports in search of a championship. Hey Gris, if you’re not doing anything constructive, run into the living room and get my stogie!

UPDATEhere: You can listen to the full interview .