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Shipping Update: Manageable!

Kyle Scott - December 11, 2017

Christmas is rapidly approaching, but FRET NOT there is still time to get your orders in. All orders are guaranteed delivery in time for Christmas. Don’t worry, my wife, who is handling this, will be totally fine with that promise as soon as I tell her about it. Want to see me get divorced for Christmas? Order a bunch of Process and Birds shirts in a wide range of sizes.

Current Ugly Christmas Sweatshirts will go out by tomorrow so anyone ordering over the past few days will have by the weekend. Other orders, especially Birds t-shirts, are being fulfilled as fast as possible. All are guaranteed delivery in time for Christmas.

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The First Joel

These are shipping in 1-2 days so you get them by this weekend. Don’t miss out. Keith didn’t:

He was my favorite person on local TV before this. Now his throne will be uncontested.

 

Ugly Christmas Sweatshirt

THIS BAD BOY IS BACK IN-STOCK IN SUPER LIMITED QUANTITIES. I mean, like, almost none. They will go quickly. We’re not ordering more. Last chance. They will ship in 1-2 days so you have them by this weekend.

 

Birds

As of writing this, all sizes with the exception of S and 3XL are in-stock and ship in 3-5 days. Those sizes, and soon others, will ship in 7-10 days once more stock is received. All are guaranteed delivery in time for Christmas… in case there’s a big game you want to wear them to.

 

Process

Process hoodies are also super limited quantities and we won’t be getting any more in time for Christmas. We have literally drained the mill of its supply. Ships in 3-5 days. Grey t-shirts will ship in 7-10 days. All are guaranteed in time for Christmas.

 

Chant

In-stock. Ships in 3-5 days.

 

Sons of Sam

In-stock. Ships in 3-5 days.

 

Free shipping on all orders. Won’t last much longer. Load up.

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Carson Wentz Has a Torn ACL

Kyle Scott - December 11, 2017

Fuck.

Crossing Broadcast: Rams Game

Kyle Scott - December 11, 2017

Kyle, Adam and Russ discuss the Rams game. Continue Reading

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Here’s Video of Carson Wentz Getting Off The Plane

Kyle Scott - December 11, 2017

Can someone please carry him? Like why isn’t there a bunch of beefy lineman carrying Wentz on a litter whilst the townspeople throw assorted ligaments at him?

Please be OK.

This Isn’t Happening

Kyle Scott - December 10, 2017

I have so many thoughts. So many feelings. And yet, I can’t feel anything. I’m numb. At one point during the fourth quarter, as I paced around the family room staring at my phone in disbelief, my wife mentioned that she thought it was warm in the house. I wasn’t sure how to respond, because I couldn’t feel things. If anything, I felt a slight tingle in my left knee in oneness with Wentz.

The fact that Wentz went down mere moments before we learned that Joel Embiid was out tonight with a back injury – which I presume isn’t serious because my soul can’t sustain such a blow – was the biggest bag-over-the-head, punch-in-the-face I ever got, GOD DAMN IT!

This is what we get. This is what happens after four years of suffering through sports misery. We get the best team in football. We get a 10-2 team en route to winning the division with our potential MVP quarterback. And then, just like that, it’s gone. He’s done. If that’s not an ACL, then I’m a goat. Like an actual, bahhhing, fucking, shitting goat. The hallmark of ACL injuries is being able to walk but not be able to go lateral at all. This video sucks:

This only happens to us. Wentz, who appears indestructible, of course gets a freak knee injury diving forward into the end zone. When was the last time a player tore his ACL diving forward? Only us.

So now what?

The Eagles will likely wind up with a bye. They have two games on every other contending team except the Vikings, with tiebreakers against the Panthers and Rams. If, by the grace of God, Wentz has some sort of horrific partial tear or strain and can return without undergoing surgery, he’ll have five weeks to rest. He can have a very serious injury and not miss any meaningful games. That is a small possibility. Continue Reading

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Zaprudering Joel Embiid and LaVar Ball’s Encounter

Kyle Scott - December 8, 2017

Surely you’ve seen the video of Joel Embiid and LaVar Ball encountering each other in the bowels of the Wells Fargo Center after the game last night.

If you haven’t, here is the video originally captured by Zach Gelb:

I’ve been trying to process this all morning. There’s a lot going on here, and moments like this are why I’ve always been obsessed with the inner workings of sports stadiums and once filmed my own sequel to Sudden Death in my basement and set it at McNichols Sports Arena in Denver – I drew up schematics and fake kicked the shit out of my neighbor – because there’s always something going on.

 

0:00-0:04

First off, who the HELL is this guy if he’s not LaVar Ball? I thought it was LaVar Ball. Please tell me he brings with him a body-double to make quick escapes (more likely, it’s his brother). And why is LaMelo not in school? Does he go to school? I know he plays basketball for a school, but does he actually go there or is he just now a celeb and we should stop asking questions? [Real-time update: He was pulled out of school and signed with an agent because fuck everything.]

 

0:04-0:08

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Crossing Broadcast: Bad Ballers and Football

Kyle Scott - December 8, 2017

Adam and Russ discuss the Sixers’ loss to the Lakers and the upcoming Eagles game. Continue Reading

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The Saints Losing Was a Gift to the Eagles

Kyle Scott - December 8, 2017

What’s this?

What’s this?

There’s colour everywhere

What’s this?

There’s white things in the air

What’s this?

I can’t believe my eyes

I must be dreaming

Wake up, Jack, this isn’t fair

What’s this?

Those are the words of the immortal (literally?) Jack Skellington upon learning of the great joys of Christmas. An unexpected treat, if you will.

That was the Saints’ loss to the Falcons last night.

Besides the fact that I told one of our writers, who shall remain nameless because he totally doesn’t have that online sports betting account, to hammer the under in the game (and also take the Lakers to cover), this turned out to be a gift for the Eagles. I think Bob put it best:

Only the Eagles, because they don’t have Drew Brees and his fabulous PR rep.

The updated NFC standings: Continue Reading

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