When you get a shiny new toy, don’t you use it right away?

You take the Porsche out to the highway and put the pedal to the metal, unless you’re driving Interstate 95 near Cottman Avenue, in which case you sit in construction traffic.

The Eagles drove once around the block then put Golden Tate back in the garage on Sunday night, using their newest receiver on only 29% of snaps in the seven-point loss to the Dallas Cowboys. He caught two passes on four targets for 19 yards and returned two punts for 11 yards.

Mind you, they sent a third-round draft pick to Detroit for Tate, who only had eight games remaining on his contract. Now he’s got seven before he comes an unrestricted free agent at the end of the year.

Doug Pederson and offensive coordinator Mike Groh were both asked about Tate’s usage this week, and here’s what Doug said on Monday:

“We had a nice, little plan for him going into this game. And it was all huddle calls. And, in fairness to Golden, the third series of the game I went straight up-tempo to try to generate some spark. It’s all code words and different things, and moving guys around a little bit. So in fairness, I didn’t want to put him in a situation where he felt uncomfortable. Going forward, as we go, that will increase for him. You’ll see him in there a little bit more.”

Understandable. Guy can’t just magically absorb the entire playbook into his brain.

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Per Doug Pederson at today’s press conference.

It’s brutal man. Just brutal.

Video if you don’t believe me:

Watch live as head coach Doug Pederson meets with the media. https://t.co/JQdzHGxYjR

— Philadelphia Eagles (@Eagles) November 12, 2018

Did anybody see comedienne Chelsea Handler in the parking lots before last night’s game?

Apparently she was there with a camera crew setting up interviews with Eagles fans.

From a tipster:

“Chelsea Handler was at the eagles game tailgate yesterday. No one knew it was her at the time. She was baiting fans into interviews. For example her video crew claimed they wanted to interview people about the super bowl win and the food that they were cooking. They did multiple shots of the grills and tailgate buses. Then proceeded to interview people about the Super Bowl and general eagles questions. Out of nowhere during this interview she turned the questions into our thoughts on Malcolm Jenkins protests, Kap kneeling and Black Lives Matter propaganda. The questions were purposely asked in a way that no answer would be correct. Her producer set up people to get a reaction. For the interview I was witnessing the guys being interviewed declined to answer the questions after they realized they were being set up. Some signed a waiver before this interview as they were told this was an “eagles fan documentary”. We watched her do this to multiple people yesterday in the tailgate lot. I don’t keep up with her but this 100% will be used in whatever she does these days. Just a heads up to give you guys a chance to tell the real narrative of what really happened when this bullshit comes out and eagles fans are trashed by national media per usual.”

Huh.

At least one other person saw her hanging around:

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I’d like to begin this morning with an Eagles haiku:

Offense was dog shit

Defense was also dog shit

Please claw out my eyes

What a diabolical performance. It was a travesty of a mockery of a sham – as Woody Allen once said – and a waste of three hours to boot. You’re gonna come out of the bye week, playing a division rival at home, and put THAT on display? You’re going to give us a first quarter interception, a dropped pick-six, a stuffed 4th down attempt, and a 3rd and 2 screen pass with the game on the line?

Those were just the atrocities I could think of off the top of my head. There were a lot more than that.

This was, by far, the worst loss of the Doug Pederson era, which I think I’ve written twice already this season. It was worse than the Carolina loss a few weeks ago, which was worse than the Tennessee loss a few weeks before that. We’ve watched the three worst losses of the Doug Pederson era in something like a six week period. I don’t even think I’ve enjoyed a single quarter of Eagles football this year, not as a neutral and jaded blogger OR a local kid who grew up a fan of the team. It’s just been disjointed, mediocre, inconsistent football all season long.

At halftime I called the 97.5 the Fanatic “Riled Up” line and made one long fart noise before hanging up, so we’ll see if they play that on Gargano’s show this afternoon.

For now, I’ll keep it relatively short, since the only real takeaway from Sunday night is that the Eagles are done. They’re cooked. This team is ravaged by injuries and they aren’t coming back to win the division. They’re gonna get annihilated by the Saints next weekend, so start drinking now.

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Unreal:

Dez Bryant was helped off the field at #Saints practice today after suffering what the team fears may be a torn Achilles, sources tell me and @RapSheet. He’s getting an MRI now.

— Tom Pelissero (@TomPelissero) November 9, 2018

Eagles play the Saints next weekend.

Injury questions for Doug Pederson today, so his Friday presser was a bit testy.

The discussion really centered around Darren Sproles’ hamstring injury and setback, plus the decision to waive DeAndre Carter without having another clear cut punt returner on the roster.

Here are the first few questions and answers in their entirety:

In RB Darren Sproles’ case, why has there been so much mystery surrounding his injury and his status?(Zach Berman)

Pederson: Mystery. Has there been mystery?

Q. I guess in terms of how long it would be for him to be out.(Zach Berman)

Pederson: We want to make sure the player is a hundred percent and then we feel good to put him back out there. That’s the thing that we have to decide. A lot of communication even with the player, and to make sure that we’re doing our due diligence by the players, no matter who they are, that they’re healthy before we put them back out there.

Q. Why isn’t Sproles a hundred percent? (Jeff McLane)

Pederson: Why isn’t he? Well, he had a setback this week, but going into this week he was.

Q. For a hamstring strain typically, it’s only a few-week injury. Why is this one taking so long? (Jeff McLane)

Pederson: People heal differently, Jeff. Everybody is different. I’m not a doctor, so I know we’re going to go down this path today, and you’re not going to get a ton from me. I’m just telling you people heal differently. I’ve got an Achilles problem right now, and I’m healing it differently.. (inaudible question). It kind of puts me in a bad mood when I come in here.

Q. Are you optimistic that Sproles will play this year?(Nick Fierro)

Pederson: I am optimistic that he can play, yes, I am. That’s the God’s honest truth.

Q. What kind of information are you getting from the medical staff though, because on Monday you guys released WR DeAndre Carter and thinking, I guess, Sproles is going to return, and now you don’t have a punt returner. Are you getting the information from the medical staff that you hoped to?(Jeff McLane)

Pederson: I’m getting information from our medical staff, I’m getting it from our doctors and I’m getting it from the player. And quite frankly, the bottom line is how the player feels, where is he at in his return to play, and we felt very, very comfortable moving forward to make that decision.

Q. So what happened on the practice field where he had a setback?(Tim McManus)

Pederson: He just had a setback.

Q. Who’s the punt returner going to be? (Jimmy Kempski)

Pederson: I’m not going to disclose that.

Alright.

Moving on with some other notes:

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