Oh yeah baby I’m here for this. The nonstop rumor mongering with fans glomming on to the biggest name, which is in this case Joe Maddon. Give me Nightengale or give… um, Dayman:
PIQUED. Yeah, I mean, why not? Maybe he likes it out west, but wouldn’t he want to coach a big market team?
Oh.
With a TON of money to spend?
Oh.
With a superstar locked up for a decade at record money?
Oh.
OK, so maybe it’s a tough sell. But he’s a smart guy, into stats. Can’t imagine he likes the odds of a debilitating earthquake or annual rolling power outages and wildfires. Worst Mother Nature event we get in Philly is rain during Welcome America spawning a few sloppy third base trips in the crowd and a heaping pile of late summer trash stuck to the Parkway. Can’t think of a better marketing pitch, because at this point working for Middleton, MacPhail and Klentak doesn’t particularly ENTHUSE the senses. For real, what the hell is with MacPhail? Middleton has a brand, Klentak, ah, does things. But MacPhail floats in this mess with groveling quotes about mediocrity and somehow he is in charge because Dan Gladden got a few timely hits in the early 90s.
On second thought, Maddon should just go west. Let us pine for local guy Mike Scioscia, who used to occasionally visit Sabold Elementary because his sister worked there. He’s only been living in LA for three decades. I’m sure he totally misses the weather in Lower Delco, which is sunny with a chance of a dipshit in a New Era cap and a beater complaining about the proliferation of White Claw at eye height on the shelf where the Natty used to be.
