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Joe Banner is So Entirely Full of Shit

Kyle Scott - January 21, 2013

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Joe Banner, who missed out on hiring Chip Kelly ostensibly because he works for the Browns, and who sword-fought with Jeffrey Lurie by way of Reuben Frank last week, told Peter King that the Browns didn't really want Kelly anyway:

"We removed ourselves from the process. We really liked Chip. He's intriguing, a very different thinker, and very smart. But you could see he was uncertain what he wanted to do. He may be in Philadelphia 10 years or longer and have a terrific career. But the fact he committed to Tampa Bay last year, backed out, then seemed all year to be leaning toward going to the NFL, then being so uncertain with us, we just felt it was too big a gamble. If there was no ambivalence, we may have offered him the job.'' 


OK, Joe. And Mitt Romney didn’t want to be President.

You removed yourself from the process like a nerdy kid in high school removed himself from a Seven Minutes in Heaven closest.

Jeffrey Lurie and Joe Banner May Be Engaging in a Pissing Contest for the Ages

Kyle Scott - January 18, 2013

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Does this hat make me look like a penis?

You remember that scene in Austin Powers 2 where Scott Evil got jealous when Dr. Evil started treating Mini Me like a son, something Dr. Evil never did with Scott?

Yeah, that. That’s kind of how I imagine Joe Banner feels about the relationship between Jeffrey Lurie and Howie Roseman. 

Earlier this week, a story by Jason La Canfora of CBS Sports painted Roseman as an incompetent roadblock to the Eagles hiring a new coach. It was obviously wrong, since Roseman has been credited with sealing the deal with Chip Kelly (a modern day Scott Proefrock, Roseman is). In the story, La Canfora cited unnamed sources who said that coaching candidates hated Roseman. One of the sources was thought to be Banner, who is now with the Browns.

Lurie was among those who thought Banner was the source.

Speaking to CSN’s Reuben Frank, Lurie put forth the following:

“I’m very supportive of Howie, and if there’s any criticism coming from afar about Howie, it’s just off-base, and so I will support Howie completely, because that’s not right,” Lurie said.
“And, you know, if there are league sources that are really based in Cleveland, that’s not right. We see through it all.”


Banner caught wind of those comments and, well, he wasn’t happy about them:

“It is always difficult to comment on a quote that may or may not be accurate or in context. In this case, from the comments which Jeffrey made that were communicated to me, it is necessary for me to make this clear, unambiguous statement. Any implication that I had anything to do with Jason La Canfora’s story is completely false, outrageous and borders on being libelous.

“I had absolutely no conversation with Jason La Canfora. Having demonstrated my character over the last 44 years to Jeffrey and the last 14 to Howie, it is beyond disappointing that they would suggest such a thing. As tempting as it is to go further, other than defending myself, I will continue to take the high road on all such matters as I have since the day I left the Eagles.”


This probably won’t be the last we hear about this feud. After all, Roseman did kill Banner the first chance he got.

In Other News: Joe Banner Named Browns President

Kyle Scott - October 16, 2012

In impeccably timed news, reports came out that former Eagles president Joe Banner will take over for Mike Holmgren as the Browns' president. This happened just before the Eagles announced that Juan Castillo was fired. Or, just after Juan Castillo was fired. It’s hard to tell.

Banner, who fled the sinking ship, NovaCare Complex, just in time, was expected to take over Holmgren’s position when it was announced that Banner was part of the team’s new ownership group.

Carry on.

Jeffrey Lurie’s State of the Team Address is Today, and A Wednesday Recap

Ryan Gillon - August 30, 2012


This will be Lurie's second attempt this preseason (Photo:
Let's try this again.
Eagles owner Jeff Lurie will address the media today before tonight's final preseason game against the New York Jets at Lincoln Financial Field.
Initially, Lurie scheduled the State of the Eagles address earlier this month at Lehigh University during training camp. It was canceled because Andy Reid's son, Garrett, was found dead that same morning.
As the Inquirer's Jeff McLane notes, the content of the address could be more interesting than usual, given the owner's personal offseason.
The Eagles announced the Luries' split on July 4. While the statement made it clear that Jeffrey and Christina's parting would have no effect on the Eagles and that they would continue to work together, there was some concern that the team could be torn apart in divorce proceedings. Earlier this month, though, there was a report that Lurie would maintain majority ownership and still have the final say in all matters related to the Eagles. Christina Lurie will have a small stake in the team like other minority owners.
The team also has to reduce their roster from 75 to 53 players by tomorrow at 9:00 pm. They no longer have Joe Banner in the fold, and despite a tulmultuous offseason that included death and divorce, expectations are high.
That doesn't mean we won't hear the same old story from Lurie… no one's holding their breath.
In case you missed it on Wednesday:
Vance Worley will be shut down for the rest of the regular season.
Glen Macnow spotted Chase Utley taking grounders at third base yesterday during a live broadcast at Citizens Bank Park… very sly, Glen. Very sly.
Tyler Cloyd made his first professional start last night after Cole Hamels went down to a gastrointestinal illness.
The CEO of the company that makes Michael Vick's flak jacket made a pretty ballsy guarantee.
Another first for Bryce Harper… he was ejected last night.
Happy Thursday, folks. More to come.
You can follow Ryan Gillon on Twitter @SeriouslyRyan

Joe Banner is Part of Cleveland Browns’ New Ownership Group

Kyle Scott - August 2, 2012

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Somewhere, a precisely well-managed salary cap smiles in knowing approval.

Joe Banner, who just about a month or so ago announced that he would be taking a drastically reduced role with the Eagles to pursue other opportunities, is reportedly part of the new ownership group of the Cleveland Browns, according to reports.

It’s unclear if Banner is part-owner (which is something he said he wanted to do) or just part of the management team. It’s also unclear what his specific role will be (probably president). But, either way, this means he will no longer have any role with the Eagles and all the village people sing:

And I ask you: Do you except this man's resignation?  Do you accept the resignation of this liar? I do.

[Batman puns all week]

Some F$%king Crazies Commissioned a Plane to Fly Above Penn State Today and Demand Joe Paterno’s Statue be Taken Down

Kyle Scott - July 17, 2012

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Pic via (@Ben_Jones88)

Reminders of Joe Paterno are slowly disappearing. Last Thursday, Nike removed his name from their Child Development Center. Yesterday, students changed the name of student-tent area outside Beaver Stadium from Paternoville to Nittanyville

Today, more: Paterno’s alma mater, Brown, removed his named from coaching position and student-athlete award.

But one glaring reminder of Paterno, his life and career is still on exhibit: his statue. Its existence is at the center of a fairly silly debate in a situation loaded with misfortunes. A hunk of bronze that has no impact on the lives on anyone. It should come down, though. At best, it’s a distraction. At worst, offensive. Police are currently guarding the monument until the University can figure out what to do (on Sunday, they said it would remain, for now). And perhaps that’s a good thing… because these folks mean business:

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Pic via (@NabilKMark)

Yep, that’s an airplane banner. Flying over Penn State today. Demanding Joe Paterno’s statue be taken down.

No word on who is responsible (the owner of the plane won't say who the client is). Perhaps an enraged donor. Or aviation enthusiasts from Ohio State. Or pledges from Lambda Epsilon Omega, following the request of The Godather. Maybe Blue is in there. Maybe he’s going to parachute down and take out the statue in a form of old man vigilante justice. Dust in the wind, motherfucker! YOU’RE MY BOY, BLUE! We really don’t know. But they’re probably pretty fucking crazy. We’ll keep you updated.

H/T The Philly Post

Today We Celebrate Joe Banner By Reliving His 2010 “This I Believe” Essay

Kyle Scott - June 7, 2012

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Today we learned a lot about Joe Banner, if we take his words at face value: He wants a new challenge in life– to own an NFL team.

But his life decision seems to deviate, at least bit, from this 2010 vocal essay he delivered on WHYY’s This I Believe program, which invited people from all walks of life to write brief essays about the core values that guide their lives.

For realsies, Joe wrote an essay for public access radio. 

His message was a good one, too: Don’t always assume that the grass is greener on the other side. Enjoy what you have. Don’t wish for winter in summer. Something about clouds. And other, similar introspective fare.

It’s hard to draw parallels between Banner’s essay and his decision to leave the Eagles… because he did the exact opposite of what he preached, leaving the Eagles to pursue greener grass (unless, of course, he was forced out or no longer got along with his coworkers…). 

Anyway, that’s a huge leap to make, and mostly we’re just bringing this to you because it’s a hysterical listen from the what the fuck? files, unearthed by our friend Matt Hammond of

Enjoy the host, who sounds like the underratedly sexy island chick from Pirates of the Caribbean.

Joe Banner Out as Eagles President

Kyle Scott - June 7, 2012

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Ding dong the witch is dead?

Something like that.

You are waking up this morning to news that Joe Banner is no longer the Eagles’ president

In an exclusive story on the cover of the Inquirer, the Eagles told beat writer Jeff McLane that Banner will no longer be the team's president. He will become a strategic adviser to the owner and will be allowed to “pursue opportunities outside the organization,” which may include being part of a group that buys sports teams.

Banner will be replaced by chief operating officer Don Smolenski and Howie Roseman will take over contract negotiations, something he was pretty much already spearheading anyway. 

Asked if a power struggle, reported by the LA Times this spring, played a role in the move, Andy Reid said:

"There's always a report [about] a power struggle. That's not the case at all. . . . You only have so much time to have an opportunity to be in this business. And so, [Banner has] got goals for himself and wants to do those things. Just like we do with [assistant] coaches – give them an opportunity to move on and fulfill their goals."


One may wonder how a story this big makes the front page of the paper without leaking sooner, and the answer is quite simple: The Eagles have long given exclusives to the Inquirer, and at times used them as a mouthpiece of sorts. This is a perfect example of that. 

Daily News beat writer Les Bowen, who once punched McLane in the head, added some color to the topic, saying on his blog that he wasn't surprised by the news… or Banner's choice to – and I quote – "summon a representative from the Inquirer to impart the news": []

At the Eagles' Youth Partnership Playground Build last week, I chased Joe around while he conferred with State Sen. Hardy Williams, then attended to urgent business with a paintbrush, too busy to do anything but tell me over his shoulder that his role wasn't changing. When it came time to admit it was, he summoned a representative from the Inquirer to impart the news, which is Banner's longtime custom.


Press conference today at 2:30 p.m.

One thing you can expect is local sports reporters covering this like it is the end of days. So, I ask you, the reader: On a scale from 1 to wake me when September begins, how much do you care about this?