Posts for bryce

Bryce Harper Wants Giancarlo Stanton to Play for the Nats, Forgets About Current Right Fielder

Kyle Scott - November 14, 2012

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Photo: Beau Phillips

You’re not the only one who, when the Marlins sold off their franchise yesterday, thought that Giancarlo Stanton would make a good fit for your team. One Washington National, one Mr. Bryce Harper, Brycecakes, also felt that way, and he let Giancarlo know about it on the Twitters:

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Besides that being the fruitiest Tweet of all-time, let's talk about the possibility of the Marlins trading Stanton, too: The fact of the matter is, Stanton makes less than a million dollars and won’t be arbitration eligible until 2014. If the Marlins want their attendance numbers to soar into the tens next year, then keeping Stanton around might be a good idea. After that, however… well, I’m sure the fish will be biting.

When asked for comment about Harper’s Tweet, Jayson Werth, the Nats' current right fielder, the same position that Stanton plays, offered only the following:

image from mobilwi.typepad.com

Poor guy.

Was Bryce Harper a Douchebag Today?

Kyle Scott - October 10, 2012

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Photo: MLB

Well, perhaps not.

Brycecakes is wearing red contacts today, allegedly because they help to reduce glare from the sun monster in Washington. That's something that Jayson Werth has complained about previously. So, thats the official stance. The unofficial stance – mine – is that the Nationals handed out red rally towels today as part of some sort of red out and Harper is trying yet another unnecessary gimmick under the guise of keeping the sun out of his eyes. You decide.

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via The Big Lead

Was Bryce Harper a Douchebag Last Night?

Kyle Scott - October 9, 2012

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He was. And I ain’t talking about the eye black.

In case you were keeping score at home (I was), the Nationals lost to the Cardinals last night, 12-4. But that’s OK, because they’ll have a world class pitcher with a heavy fastball and 12-6 curve going in Game 3. 

After the loss, the 19-year-old Harper, who is 1-for-10 in the ‘offs, was asked by Hall of Fame baseball writer Rick Hummel if he felt overanxious at the plate. Brycecakes no like:

Do I look overanxious? Do you think so?

I think so.

Maybe you should be hitting coach.

 

My, what a big ego you have.

This wasn’t the first time Harper was irked by a scriptual. This summer he (rightfully) called a question about him having a celebratory drink in Canada a “clown question.” This time, though, Harper was on the defensive over a very reasonable inquiry. Guess it’s just all part of growing up.

Good news for Bryce, however– Game 3 won’t be past his bedtime. The game will start at 1 p.m. tomorrow and be broadcast on the MLB Network, which I’m sure will just allow for a ratings bonanza in the nation's capital! 

Nats fans, of course, are complaining about the dilemma the start time poses. Here’s what one fan told Dan Steinberg of the Washington Post:

“Some of us actually have to work. It’s really upsetting. This is the first time we’ve had playoff baseball since 1933, and to get the 1 o’clock start time and the MLB Network just seems really unfair.”

 

Wahhhhhhhh.

Here’s what you do, fan: you take off from work. Or, were you saving that day to pre-game with boxed Zinfandel for a debate party?

Video of Harper's response, after the jump.

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Bryce Harper Told Seven-Year-Olds to “Be Sexy”

Kyle Scott - August 17, 2012

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Work it, girl

This video is straight from the local news playbook: So perfect. So sound. So cheesy. 

Like every other star athlete, Bryce Harper has a PR person who arranges for him to get involved (and in front of cameras) with helping kids [insert thing that kids like or need to do]. Yesterday, the teenage dirtbag slugger stopped by a Virginia baseball field to instruct his peers on how to play like a big leaguer. His advice: “Be as sexy as you can.”

Somewhere, a parent just Googled child services… and Jimmy Rollins nodded.

That was it from Brycecakes– 90 seconds of a b-roll and hot air from the local reporter*, with one soundbite worthy of air. Normally we’d point out that Harper is kind of d-bag, but since I just wrote 1,000 words about Ryan Lochte being a douche, I feel it’d be douchey to keep writing douche.

*The reporter is delightfully attractive. Kind of a weathered Pia Toscano thing going on. We’ll expect NBC 10 to hire her by the end of the summer.

Video after the bump.

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Ryan Howard with Charlie Sheen, Bryce Harper GIF, CHMM

Kyle Scott - July 11, 2012

The Phillies will have home field advantage in the World Series! (!!!) 

Who’s with me?!

 - looks around… ah, you– the crickets in the back, welcome –

Anyway, the Phils performed well in last night’s All-Star Game. Carlos Ruiz adorably wore an oversized catcher’s mitt, Cole Hamels put up a scoreless inning, and Jonathan Papelbon closed the game. Unfortunately for us, FOX decided to interview Derek Jeter during Chooch’s at-bat and R.A. Dickey for a few moments while Hamels pitched. My dad, who came by to watch the game, almost needed a personal timeout as all his childhood feelings of New York upstaging Philly came roaring back, rolled together with Erin Andrews' fame-hunger and Ken Rosenthal’s bow-tie. THIS is why I hate New York. Another fucking New Yorker. Show Chooch. He deserves it more, but no, they’re going to interview Derek Jeter because he sneezed. It's always the goddamn Yankees.

Yeah, my dad didn't take the 2009 World Series loss too well.

Here’s your mini roundup:

– Douchebag Bryce Harper and his brightly colored shoes had trouble locating this routine fly ball. Here’s a .GIF, for your enjoyment over and over and over and… ahhhh, that’s nice. I need a sandwich. 

Harper

– Ryan Howard tweeted a picture with Charlie Sheen. The photo tells the story, but I wonder if Howard remembers the time Sheen went on the Alex Jones Show and said this about the final at-bat of the 2010 NLCS:

“It's un-hittable, it's un-hittable. [Brian Wilson] made Ryan Howard, I'm sorry Ryan you're the best left-handed hitter in 50 years, but he made him look like an armless child when he backdoor slidered his ass into the World Series.”

 

Looks like Piece has two arms here. One leg. But two arms.

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– Some asked last night what effect Hamels’ exhibition performance would have on the CHMM. +3 million for solid performance on a national stage.

Cole Hamels Millions Meter: $146 million

Bryce Harper’s Customized Mercedes is Customized Exactly How You Would Expect Bryce Harper’s Customized Mercedes to be Customized

Kyle Scott - July 5, 2012

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Photo: The Nats Blog

I was never, um, good with words…

Not gonna lie, like Cole Hamels, I too would like to see Byrce Harper make the All-Star team as part of the final vote (which ends today). Something about a 19-year-old phenom playing with the best in the world is intriguing to me. Plus, as a baseball fan, the more you see a potential superstar, the better.

But I still think Harper's a douche, and his customized Mercedes-AMG ain't doing him any favors. 

In this photo taken by The Nats Blog, we see Harper’s ride complete with tinted windows and tail lights, a curly Nationals’ W (not unlike the one tattooed onto DeSean Jackson’s arm) in place of the Mercedes logo, BAM 34 lettering and, according to The Nats Blog, brakes pad with 34 painted on them.

It's a sweet ride, and much better than Brycecake's monster truck, but some might call that a clown car, bro.

UPDATE: As pointed out by Andrew in the comments, here's the inside:

UPDATE 2: Our fashion editor Dan Fuller found a full gallery of pictures.

via DC Sports Bog

CHMM: Cole Hamels Voted for Bryce Harper for The All-Star Game… as a Write-In

Kyle Scott - June 22, 2012

image from mobilwi.typepad.com
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Now that’s sending a guy a message. Real old school style right there. Or something.

Harper, of course, isn’t on the ballot, which means Hamels added him as a write-in.

Somewhere, John Mayberry, Hunter Pence and Shane Victorino – who are all on the ballot – are pissed.

-$6 million for welcoming a douchebag to the Majors with a ballsy beanball to the back, admitting it… then writing his name on your All-Star ballot. In other words, for being fake tough.

Cole Hamels Millions Meter: $143 million

Douchebag Bryce Harper Trademarks “That’s a Clown Question, Bro”

Kyle Scott - June 22, 2012

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Per the Washington Post and CSN Washington, Harper says his main sponsor, Under Armour, will begin selling t-shirts and other nonsense with his trademarked “that’s a clown question, bro” phrase.

Now, often when we use the term “trademarked,” we use it figuratively, talking about a person who has put their stamp on a particular thing. In this case, however, we mean it literally.

The day after he uttered the phrase, Harper or one of his representatives filed for a trademark. The application was first uncovered by Dan Steinberg of the Washington Post. Here it is: 

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As you can see, Harper and Under Armour want to put the phrase on everything from t-shirts to gloves to tampons. Personally? I’m just pissed that Heath Ledger is dead. Would’ve loved to have seen him reprise his role as the joker and say things like, “Do you want to knowwww… how I got this smile on my FACE? Well – sniffles, wipes nose – that’s a clown question, bro™!”

No such luck, I guess.

Harper joins his NL East-mate Jimmy Rollins in trademarking things that most really don’t care about using for profitable gain. In 2010, Rollins applied for and later received a trademark for J-Roll™.

H/T to (@AFriedman15)