Posts for bulge

Phillies Front Office Holds Closed Doors Meeting, Lincoln Financial Field Renovations, and an Update on Cole Hamels’ Bulge

Kyle Scott - June 20, 2012

Screen Shot 2012-06-20 at 9.15.49 AM

8:46 a.m. and I’ve already applied talcum to crevasses that don’t see light. It’s going to be hot today, kids. Stay cool. Stay inside. Stay thirsty, I suppose, too.

A brief roundup for this Wednesday morning:

– The Phillies brass held a three-hour meeting yesterday, presumably to discuss matters such as Freddy Galvis’ then upcoming suspension, David Herndon having Tommy John surgery, Mike Stutes needing exploratory surgery, and Laynce Nix suffering a setback with his calf injury. Oh, and probably being 78 games out of first. []

So what was so important that it took nearly three hours to discuss?

"We talked about how things are going and how we can improve," Amaro said. "Outside of that, there's not much I'm going to say publicly."


I bet, Rube. I bet.

– The Eagles are planning up to $100 million in completely unnecessary renovations to The Linc. The Sports Business Journal adds some details:

In order of importance, the document lists the priorities as video board replacements, seating bowl fill-ins in the northeast and southwest corners, new field-level clubs, renovations to clubs on the east and west sides, suite improvements and gate entry upgrades.


Funny, the reported plans make no mention of those wind turbines that were supposed to be completed last year.  

In November, Nick Fierro of the Allentown Morning Call updated the status of the windmills, which had already been featured in Madden. Apparently, they would have generated too much power, so the Eagles searched for a new partner: 

So the team had to start over with a new partner — one that it has declined to identify — in a project that involves more solar power, less natural gas and less power overall.

However, by the time of its anticipated completion next August, the club says, the system will be able to boast the largest kilowatt-hour output in the NFL when compared to stadiums with similar configurations, such as the ones used by the Seattle Seahawks and the Washington Redskins, this week's opponent.

The output will be between 3.7 to 4.0 million kilowatt hours a year, according to Eagles chief operating office Don Smolenski.

This will mostly be generated by enormous state-of-the-art solar panels that will be placed all around and on top of Lincoln Financial Field. The new plan also calls for the construction of wind turbines.


You see that bolded line in there? Next August? That’s, like, a month from now. I sees no wind turbines. But I do see the reported $100 million in upgrades to luxury suites, concessions and power-hogging video boards to play gratuitous and synergistic Angry Birds animations of some cartoon pigeon penetrating Tony Romo. Or whatever the new Mighty Philadelphia Eagle’s finishing move will be.

UPDATE: While still no update on energy-saving initiative, some in the comments point out that wind turbines were scrapped because they would cast shadows on field.

– Finally, +5 million to the Cole Hamels Millions Meter. Cole threw eight innings, gave up six hits, two runs, struck out seven and walked three. CHMM: $147 million.

Some additional info on his bulge: Our spy, who (we know) was backstage at Shane Victorino’s Fashion Show, got some clarifying info on Hamels’ bulge (seen here). Turns out it was even better and delightfully more ridiculous than a sock stuffed inside his clam diggers: 

I learned that it wasn't a sock, but actually a water bottle that he stuck down his pants.

As for extra details there weren't a ton. He was with a ton of other Phils that were getting dressed for the show. They would come out of their fitting into this larger room, which was decorated with old and expensive paintings of EVERY Republican President that has been in office since the Union League opened.

So with the eyes of Lincoln, Reagan, Teddy Roosevelt, and both Bushes staring down at him, Cole came sashaying out pelvis first to get some laughs. Of course he got them especially from the wives/girlfriends that were also there, although his wife was not present. They took a group photo which I believe he kept it in for. He was very proud of his bottle and his Dirk Digler moment.


+2 million more for it being a water bottle. CHMM: $149 million.

Investigating Cole Hamels’ “Bulge” (And the Impact it May Have on His Next Contract)

Kyle Scott - June 19, 2012

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The underlying subplot (well, maybe the plot) of this Phillies season is what will become of Cole Hamels, who will be a free agent at the end of the season and is expected to earn himself one of the (if not the) largest contracts ever given to a pitcher.

The top of that list looks like this:

CC Sabathia: $161 million

Johan Santana: $137 million

Matt Cain: $127 million

CC Sabthia (restructured deal): $122 million

Mike Hampton: $121 million

Cliff Lee: $120 million 


As of now, Cole projects to fall somewhere in the $140-$150 million range, with Ken Rosenthal saying he could receive as much as $175 million.

Of course, those numbers could fluctuate wildly depending on the rest of Hamels’ season, his health and other determining factors. As such, we’d like to introduce to you the Cole Hamels Millions Meter, a way to track his future-contract projections. Millions can be added for feats such as shutout streaks, double-digit strikeout games and sweet fist pumps. But, of course, millions can also be subtracted for rough patches (which he’s in right now), blown leads, injuries and passive-aggressive comments. 

Since Cole has struggled of late, our first meter reading will start on the low end of the scale, at $140 million. 

And what a better way to kick things off than with a detailed account of Hamels' bulging sock routine, which he pulled off (out?) backstage at Shane Victorino’s fashion show last night.

We’ll let an anonymous reader provide more details on what we mentioned earlier:

I saw your recent post on Cole and his "bulge".  I'd like to add just a little insight to the story.  I was there [backstage].  It seems that Cole thought it would be funny to put a sock UPDATE: water bottle down his pants for the desired effect.  He actually pranced around the backstage area beforehand getting laughs, showing off and was pretty proud of himself for “making a funny.”  So although you do see what everyone else sees, it is on purpose and also not quite what it seems.


Good Christ. Perhaps the only thing more unmanly than wearing red manpris is “prancing around” in said manpris with a sock stuffed down your crotch.  

Unfortunately, this reminds me a lot of my a-bit-too-skinny-to-do-something-like-this friend Ryan from college. For some unknown reason, every time it snowed, he would get drunk and run around his apartment wearing tight thermal pants (you know, the kind you wear under a snowsuit) while carrying a BB gun and yelling things like “I’m fucking crazy!” Yeah, it was pretty weird. I’m not sure if he stuffed his bulge though (I never really cared to look and I don’t recall him tea-bagging me), but I immediately thought of him when I read the above email. Something about skinny white guy in too-tight pants doing an uncomfortable thing. And while that doesn’t say much about Hamels, being secure enough as the most sought-after player in baseball to run around in pseudo public with a sock stuffed inside your red clam diggers says a lot about a man. I’m not sure what, but it says something. Something about not being fake tough. And I think that's good.

+2 million.

Cole Hamels Millions Meter: $142 million.