Posts for carter

Your Morning Carts: I Sat with the Stanley Cup in Front of a Flyers Flag in My Frat Boy Living Room Edition!

Kyle Scott - August 24, 2012

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Here’s a giant punch in the dick for your Friday morning. A microcosmy picture of Jeff Carter. His dad. A beer. Winter Classic seat cushions. A Toronto Maple Leafs trash can. A Nascar hat. And the Stanley Cup. All positioned in front of a Flyers flag in a frat house-looking living room with a Goodyear tire as coffee table and a cumshot sofa.


Where’s Scott Hartnell?!

Kyle Scott - August 20, 2012

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Riley Cote, who is on a crusade to legalize hemp (for realstons), got married last weekend. Dan Carcillo, Scott Hartnell and Stanley Cup Champion Jeff Carter were all in the wedding party. Car Bomb didn’t bother to comb his hair for the occasion and Carts appears to have found the Casio watch I misplaced… in 1992. But hey, he’s a Stanley Cup champ and can pretty much do whatever he damn well pleases. Hartnell, though, looks like was holding up fairly well at the end of the night. This other guy? Not so much:

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Pics via Facebook

Puck Sluts Unite! 2014 NHL Entry Draft in Philadelphia, Jeff Carter in Sea Isle Now

Kyle Scott - June 22, 2012

In what is – by far – the most unexciting offseason hockey news you will hear– Philadelphia will host the 2014 NHL Entry Draft

This event is like the puck slut bat signal. Young, soon-to-be-rich Canadians and Europeans congregating in one city, at the same time, surrounded by hundreds of eager and willing coeds ready to do unspeakable things all in the name of bagging a future NHL star. And maybe, just maybe, some of them will meet their future gravy train… or get a wad of spermicites on their chesticals.

 Think I’m joking? Check out the Twitter feed of our favorite partially cloaked Penguins fan, who is prowling her hometown during this weekend’s festivities in the shit city:

Yeah, it’s like that. Good news for everyone else when 2014 rolls around: leftovers.

Meanwhile, the bunnies will have to make do with Stanley Cup champion Jeff Carter, WHO IS BACK IN SEA ISLE (WHERE IS THE CUP, JEFF?!).

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You know what to do. Your camera phones, use them.

Your Afternoon Carts: I Went to an Epic Eyes Wide Shut Party in Vegas While Richie May or May Not Have Grab-Assed Stacie Hall from “The Hills” Edition!

Kyle Scott - June 19, 2012

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Here we the find the Carts in the most dichotomous of situations– at Hyde Bellagio in Las Vegas, sipping champagne (expected) and hoisting the Stanley Cup (completely and utterly unexpected). 

Meanwhile, his scavenging buddy, Mike Richards, may or may not have grab-assed this buxom, valley-titted clubgoer as he shuffled through a crowd loosely resembling the partiers in Eyes Wide Shut (presumably sans pubic hair).

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UPDATE: That's not just any clubgoer– per a reader in the comments, that's Stacie Hall from The Hills that Richie is grab-assing.

Photos of Carts, Richie and Simon, which come courtesy of the Hyde Bellagio’s Facebook page (via Puck Daddy and Vegas News), are best viewed while listening to Rihanna’s We Found Love.

Give it a little jump.

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The Definitive Mike Richards and Jeff Carter Argument Guide

Kyle Scott - June 15, 2012

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These are the sorts of text exchanges my buddy Matt and I have been having over the last few months, since the Flyers were, for the second year in a row, eliminated in the second round of the playoffs.

Matt, who once wrote a post for this site entitled Why Mike Richards is the Perfect Captain for the Flyers, pivoted and shape-shifted more quickly than Paul Holmgren at a press conference almost instantly when the Flyers traded Richards and Jeff Carter.

Like many, Matt believed (and still believes) that the trades were the right moves for the organization that hasn’t won a Stanley Cup since seven years before he was born– they acquired young talent, unloaded disinterested forwards, and got that goalie the team finally wanted yada yada yada something about this team is built to win

I disagree with Matt. While I see his points, and acknowledge that the Flyers acquired a lot of young talent last summer, I am irked by yet another reactive decision by the organization that traded away six draft picks who played in the most recent Stanley Cup Finals.

And thus is the divide.

Ever since June 23, 2011, the day Holmgren shot and killed Richards and Carter – who, combined, were signed to 23-year, $127 million contracts – there has been a rift amongst Flyers fans.

In the far corner, Matt’s corner, wearing the Orange and Black trunks, are those who, from the moment the trades were made, championed the deals. They believed unloading two massive contracts, acquiring young talent and an all-world goalie was an absolute win for the Flyers. And they still feel this way. 

In the other corner, wearing khakis and J. Crew sweatshirts (?), is everybody else. Those who, understandably, were irritated by what seemed like a knee-jerk reaction to a bad season, and whose feelings of dismay only worsened when Richards and Carter wound up in LA and did this earlier this week: 


There’s a battle between those two groups of fans. I sit firmly in the latter corner, but acknowledge the points made by the Type OB fans, even though I may have called Matt a “dope.” 

Me and him go way back and used to fight over which KaZaA tunes to play in our dorm room while we were roommates during our freshman year at Villanova. I once threw a notebook at his head and organized an awkward and drunken (I believe I was standing on a chair, swigging from a bottle of Vladimir) floor meeting to address an issue that had come up with our neighbor, who had hooked up with some B-lister Matt was getting with. Or had tried to get with. Whatever.

So we go way back, Matt and I. Our sports discussions are always spirited, but fun. And I haven’t thrown a notebook at this head since 2002.

As for the rest of you… we don’t know each other. And that means the subject of Richards and Carter quickly turns ugly and personal, especially on Twitter: 

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And in the comments: 

You make yourself look so stupid with this post. Numerous time throughout the year you applauded the trade. Now all the sudden it is not so good. The Kings win the Cup regardless of the trade for Richie and Carts. Anyone can win a cup when your goalie is that much better then anyone else's


Kyle left college knowing 2 things. 1)The Flyers had a core of young talent and 2) His growing curiosity in men needed to be unleashed…In comes his creation of Kyle was a big fan of Philly sports and handy with computers so he decided to blog about it. Using his pedigree setting up shopping carts, never being an athlete and lack of professional journalism experience, he created a website that finally gave him the attention he so desperately needed. The problem was Kyle soon realized he wasn't smarter, or faster out there than any other idiot out there with a laptop that called themselves a member of the media…his blog wasn't going well either, but Kyle had something up his sleeve! He was going to find pictures of his favorite athletes on Facebook and twitter! And steal intellectual property from websites like deadspin and create "TMZPhillyAthletes." 


And of the less eloquent variety:

If kept them here we would have lost to Shittsburgh in round 1. Thats all their is too it.

So knock it the fuck off Kyle.


All because of a disagreement over the third most popular sports team in the city.


Anyway, insane people aside, I respect the opinions of those who applaud the moves: The Flyers do, in fact, get a number of young, talented players in return or as a result of the trades– Brayden Schenn, Sean Couturier, Wayne Simmonds, Jakub Voracek and Ilya Bryzgalov. 

Richards and Carter were a bit of a problem off the ice. Reports range from them being awful with the media to taking prescription pain killers, and everywhere in between. Rumors go even further, saying the players were into recreational drug use. And, it seems, there was a disconnect between those two, the coaches and front office. So, trading them, at least on the surface, wasn’t an awful idea. Plus it freed up money to get a goalie.

I get all that.

But I also think that the out-of-nowhereness of the trades, especially after Carter had just been signed to an 11-year contract, was troubling. For five years, the team had touted Richards and Carter as the future. Yet after one early-round exit, they were traded. 

To me, it was all too reactive, and I think Richards and Carter winning a Stanley Cup, playing major roles with the Kings, proves that they were quite capable of thriving in, or assimilating into, a winning environment. Or whatever hokey phrase you want to use. But, when those points are brought up, there seems to be head-scratching stock rebuttals, as reflexive as the Flyers’ instinct to trade their two star players.

Former Devil Bobby Holik thinks so too. He wrote this on his blog yesterday:

I read reports about the Flyers organization being happy the Kings won, and even rooting for them after their second round loss to the Devils. I can't see how the Flyers are happy. How could a team who decided Mike Richards, Jeff Carter, and Simon Gagne couldn't win in orange and black, feel great about guys who won the second they left Philadelphia?

I just cannot believe it for a second. I played in the NHL for almost two decades and never came across such a "friendly" attitude. NHL hockey is a tough and very competitive business.

How can the media not call out the Flyers for trading these guys? After all, it was a sudden shift from when they drafted them, nurtured them, and then built a Stanley Cup Final team around these players. Two years later, they got rid of them, and they go on to win. I respect the media, but they need to question Paul Holmgren and Ed Snider, because it shows a deficiency in the way the Flyers conduct their business.


We may not be media, in the traditional sense, but a lot of you read this site. So let’s do that. Let’s call out the Flyers for trading these players.

It is with great pleasure that I give you The Definitive Mike Richards and Jeff Carter Argument Guide – a crib sheet, if you will – to combat your enemy, no matter which corner you sit in. But mostly if you sit in mine.

Since Christian Bale is a badass motherfucker and The Prestige is one the best movies ever, I shall present the arguments to you in the form of a 19th century magic trick. 

Henceforth we go!

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Today in Lazy Journalism: Daily News Advises Carter Where to Take Cup in Sea Isle

Kyle Scott - June 14, 2012

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Pic, apparently taken last night, via reader (@IONRyan)

The Kings are parading through the streets of Los Angeles today. Mike Richards and Jeff Carter – the toxic, cancerous duo, who are incapable of fostering a healthy and winning environment – will be on bus 6: 

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But the burning question – burning like an STD that you may or may not be able to acquire at the hands loins of a partying NHLer with a reputation for shtupping girls on both coasts – is whether or not Carts will bring the Cup to Sea Isle, where he owns a house on the bay on [redacted] street. 

Our friend Mike Gill (@973ESPN), from 97.3 ESPN in South Jersey, tweeted a few weeks ago that he was told Carter would, in fact, celebrate at the Shore if the Kings won. Which they did. 

To be honest, I’m a bit disappointed that we haven’t heard much either way. But I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. Carts has only lived in LA for a few months. He hated Columbus. And seemingly spent more time in Philly and Sea Isle than he did his hometown in Canada over the last six years. So, yeah, bringing the Cup to Sea Isle, where many of his friends are, seems plausible, if not likely. 

But this is all just a long-winded way of setting up this lazy advice column (if you can call it that) written by Ed Barkowitz, but apparently voiced by an unknown editor, in today’s Daily News:

The next thing he needs to do is plan his day with the Stanley Cup. It's a terrific hockey tradition, and Carter should consider bringing it to Sea Isle, the wonderful Jersey shore town where the Toronto-native still owns a home. If so, here are some can't-miss spots for Lord Stanley's chalice courtesy of a Daily News editor/wannabe beach bum who wished to remain anonymous:

The outside Carousel bar at the Springfield Inn. The Springfield is celebrating its 40th anniversary this summer. Sadly, it's been nearly as long since the Flyers won the Cup.

No-shower happy-hour at the OD. Can you imagine what a Cup appearance would do for the vibe? The only thing better would be to make bikini tops optional.

Does the brand-new Catholic church on Landis Ave. still have bills to pay? Pass the Cup instead of the basket. Watch the donations skyrocket.

Oops. Just went over the bridge into Avalon, summer home of Bob Clarke. U-turn, and fast! 


Jesus Christ, guys, don’t strain yourselves with those punchlines. Like, how fucking long did it take you to come up with the concept for this story? Hey, I know! Let’s state the obvious and say Jeff Carter should bring the Cup to Sea Isle, and we’ll dig deep into our memories and mention the two biggest bars, which, ironically, aren’t the one that Carter frequents most– La Costa. Brilliant work. 

Anyway, we’ll continue to laugh at the slow news day column, but admit that it’s accurate. Carter should bring the Cup to Sea Isle. The Jersey Shore is basically the Flyers’ backyard. Members of the organization own houses in Ocean City and Avalon, the cities that flank Sea Isle (we don’t count Strathmere as its own entity… because it’s a road… a beautiful one… but a road). Bringing the Cup there would be the ultimate FU move. Which I’d take it a step further by not stopping at the bridge to Avalon, but continuing on and parading the Stanley Cup – on a bike – past Homer’s house. Because that would be cooler by a mile.

[Related: Kings take Cup to bar, with midgets]

Your Morning Carts: Richie and I Were Torn Apart by a Trade But Later Reconvened on the Left Coast Where I Scored the Stanley Cup Winning Goal Edition!

Kyle Scott - June 12, 2012

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Fuck you, Dry Island

Yahoo! Sports:

Carter choked up at one point. "Dean showed a lot of faith in me," he said. "A lot of people doubted us. A lot of people doubted me. Proved them wrong." At another point, Richards skated by wearing a gray championship T-shirt and holding a blue bottle of Bud Light.

"It was a frustrating year," Richards said. "It was ups and downs. It was highs and lows. But this is one of the best groups I've ever been a part of … the resiliency, the camaraderie that we had. It was awesome." 

Richards and Carter, the much-maligned friends from Philly, shared some words, though Carter wouldn't share them with reporters. "I can't tell you," he said. "You guys would have too much fun with them."



Here we find the Carts in a familiar scenario– with Richie, in the winner’s circle, this time hoisting sports’ greatest trophy, Lord Stanley’s Cup. And to be frank, we haven’t seen Jeff this happy since that time he and his cowboy hat proudly brought three cases of Miller Light into La Costa. Or when he and his buddies had that red fist. They loved that red fist.

Traded Shot last summer by an overreactive Paul Holmgren and Ed Snider, Carts was wounded, at times not leaving his Sea Isle house for days. He finally came around, not so willingly, when front office members from the Blue Jackets, his new team, flew to New Jersey to assuage his feelings.  

They were of no help.

Carts’ buddy and the alpha male in their relationship, Mike Richards, was in a better place. He had been shipped off to LA, where the sights were beautiful, the women scantily clad, and the hockey not so bad

It was tough times for both men, though. The separation took its toll and there was much commiserating, by phone, during those long summer nights.

But they had shared adversity before: There was the time they went to Chester to see Becks but Becks wasn’t there:

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Where's Becks? 

I. Don't. Know, Michael.

And then there was the…

… actually, that was it. There was never any adversity. Just partying… and that one time David Beckham didn't show for the Union-Galaxy match.

Jeff wasn’t quite sure how to deal with his newfound struggle. He took a private jet to visit Richie in Canada. Later in the year, when the Blue Jackets came to Philadelphia, he was injured. So he rented a luxury box and had a sad:

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But then things started looking up. The trade winds swirled and, eventually, Carts was shipped off to LA to join his former captain, his first mate, Mike Richards. 

Happy days were here (there, I suppose) again. Carts and Richie were together, and it felt like home. Flyers West, if you will. Simon Gagne and Justin Williams were there. John Stevens was behind the bench. And Ron Hextall, upstairs.

Now they're all Stanley Cup champions. The Cup, standing guard as Richie and Carts railroad struggling actresses from The Valley.

All their friends? Excited.

Joffrey Lupul:

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SoCal swagger DeSean Jackson, who reps the Stanley Cup Camps:

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Dan Carcillo:

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Actor Kevin Connolly

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Hunter Pence’s Sister

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Al Michaels and his flip phone

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Paul Holmgren? Not so much

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Pic via (@DomHadik) 

Join us now, if you will, in viewing a pictorial of Jeff Carter and Mike Richards winning the Stanley Cup.

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A Photo: Mike Richards and Jeff Carter Hold The Stanley Cup

Kyle Scott - June 12, 2012

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Excuse me, I'm going to go lie in the fetal position until the morning, when we'll have more coverage. I expect the comments on these posts to be completely rational.