Posts for carts

Your Morning Carts: I Rode on a Fire Truck with the Stanley Cup Edition!

Kyle Scott - August 23, 2012

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Pic via (@armstrongdouglas)

Stanley Cup champion Jeff Carter spent the day with the Stanley Cup today during his day with the Stanley Cup. Stanley Cup.

Carts and Drew Doughty, who are both from London, Ontario, paraded Lord Stanley’s prized possession atop a fire truck through the streets of London. What you see here are the G-rated pictures. Presumably, later, the cup will be adorned with a blonde wig and a tramp stamp. And at that point, all bets are off. 

Hop it for the pictures.

Stanley Cup.

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Your Afternoon Carts: I Went to an Epic Eyes Wide Shut Party in Vegas While Richie May or May Not Have Grab-Assed Stacie Hall from “The Hills” Edition!

Kyle Scott - June 19, 2012

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Here we the find the Carts in the most dichotomous of situations– at Hyde Bellagio in Las Vegas, sipping champagne (expected) and hoisting the Stanley Cup (completely and utterly unexpected). 

Meanwhile, his scavenging buddy, Mike Richards, may or may not have grab-assed this buxom, valley-titted clubgoer as he shuffled through a crowd loosely resembling the partiers in Eyes Wide Shut (presumably sans pubic hair).

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UPDATE: That's not just any clubgoer– per a reader in the comments, that's Stacie Hall from The Hills that Richie is grab-assing.

Photos of Carts, Richie and Simon, which come courtesy of the Hyde Bellagio’s Facebook page (via Puck Daddy and Vegas News), are best viewed while listening to Rihanna’s We Found Love.

Give it a little jump.

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Your Morning Carts: Richie and I Were Torn Apart by a Trade But Later Reconvened on the Left Coast Where I Scored the Stanley Cup Winning Goal Edition!

Kyle Scott - June 12, 2012

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Fuck you, Dry Island

Yahoo! Sports:

Carter choked up at one point. "Dean showed a lot of faith in me," he said. "A lot of people doubted us. A lot of people doubted me. Proved them wrong." At another point, Richards skated by wearing a gray championship T-shirt and holding a blue bottle of Bud Light.

"It was a frustrating year," Richards said. "It was ups and downs. It was highs and lows. But this is one of the best groups I've ever been a part of … the resiliency, the camaraderie that we had. It was awesome." 

Richards and Carter, the much-maligned friends from Philly, shared some words, though Carter wouldn't share them with reporters. "I can't tell you," he said. "You guys would have too much fun with them."

 

GAHHHHH!!! 

Here we find the Carts in a familiar scenario– with Richie, in the winner’s circle, this time hoisting sports’ greatest trophy, Lord Stanley’s Cup. And to be frank, we haven’t seen Jeff this happy since that time he and his cowboy hat proudly brought three cases of Miller Light into La Costa. Or when he and his buddies had that red fist. They loved that red fist.

Traded Shot last summer by an overreactive Paul Holmgren and Ed Snider, Carts was wounded, at times not leaving his Sea Isle house for days. He finally came around, not so willingly, when front office members from the Blue Jackets, his new team, flew to New Jersey to assuage his feelings.  

They were of no help.

Carts’ buddy and the alpha male in their relationship, Mike Richards, was in a better place. He had been shipped off to LA, where the sights were beautiful, the women scantily clad, and the hockey not so bad

It was tough times for both men, though. The separation took its toll and there was much commiserating, by phone, during those long summer nights.

But they had shared adversity before: There was the time they went to Chester to see Becks but Becks wasn’t there:

image from mobilwi.typepad.com

Where's Becks? 

I. Don't. Know, Michael.

And then there was the…

… actually, that was it. There was never any adversity. Just partying… and that one time David Beckham didn't show for the Union-Galaxy match.

Jeff wasn’t quite sure how to deal with his newfound struggle. He took a private jet to visit Richie in Canada. Later in the year, when the Blue Jackets came to Philadelphia, he was injured. So he rented a luxury box and had a sad:

image from mobilwi.typepad.com

But then things started looking up. The trade winds swirled and, eventually, Carts was shipped off to LA to join his former captain, his first mate, Mike Richards. 

Happy days were here (there, I suppose) again. Carts and Richie were together, and it felt like home. Flyers West, if you will. Simon Gagne and Justin Williams were there. John Stevens was behind the bench. And Ron Hextall, upstairs.

Now they're all Stanley Cup champions. The Cup, standing guard as Richie and Carts railroad struggling actresses from The Valley.

All their friends? Excited.

Joffrey Lupul:

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SoCal swagger DeSean Jackson, who reps the Stanley Cup Camps:

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Dan Carcillo:

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Actor Kevin Connolly

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Hunter Pence’s Sister

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Al Michaels and his flip phone

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Paul Holmgren? Not so much

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Pic via (@DomHadik) 

Join us now, if you will, in viewing a pictorial of Jeff Carter and Mike Richards winning the Stanley Cup.

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Your Morning Carts: I’m a King Now and I Scored a Hat Trick in Game 2 of the Western Conference Finals Last Night Edition!

Kyle Scott - May 16, 2012

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Somewhere, Paul Holmgren has started drinking again.

Today we find Carts in the most unlikely of places: the goal-scoring column of a playoff stat sheet.

Three times. He was there three times last night.

That’s right, Flyers fans and other assembled minions, Jeff Carter scored a hat trick in Game 2 of the Western Conference Finals, helping to give his team – the LA Kings, not the Philadelphia Flyers – a 2-0 series lead and tie the record for consecutive playoff road wins (7). 

Carter became the first King to score a playoff hat trick since Wayne Gretzky did it in 1993.

We’ll let that sit there for a minute. ^

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Carts was asked how this compared to the Flyers' run in 2010:

“It’s real similar. Same thing when we were in Philly there. We had to battle right down to the last game, shootout there to make it. And, like I said, when you’re in that kind of position, it just kind of rolls over into the playoffs. Whereas, you know, if we were locked in there with a little while to go in the season, you know, you might sit back a little bit, get a little complacent.”

 

So, you're telling me that, last year, the Flyers, who were "locked in there with a little while to go in the season," may have just gotten a little complacent… they weren't overrun with organization-killing players who needed to be traded away with, like, a decade left of their respective contracts?! GAH!

Poor Jeff, though– he missed out on the Flyers’ annual season-ending casino trip, when the team went to Revel last Friday night. Guess he’s still pretty broken up about the trade. I mean, the Stanley Cup Finals won’t get over until, like, mid-June. Who’s going to occupy his Sea Isle house until then?! 

Video of Carter’s hat trick after the jump.

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Your Mourning Carts: It Ends Tonight Edition

Kyle Scott - June 24, 2011

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The walls start breathing

My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

-It Ends Tonight, All-American Rejects

 

It is highly recommended you listen to this song while reading and open the links in a new tabs.

I chose this song because… well, I thought Jeff would like it. The Flyers blindsided One Seven yesterday: [ESPN]

Jeff Carter on Friday was still incredibly upset about being traded, a source told ESPN.com. When the Columbus rumors first began to fly earlier this month, he met with Flyers GM Paul Holmgren and was assured not to believe those rumors. Ouch.

 

As you probably have guessed (or Tweeted me about), Jeff Carter getting traded will have major ramifications on Morning Carts (I know, I know- respect). The number of posts, and their relevance (they were relevant before?), will be significantly decreased. But fear you shant! We fully expect our swinging-dick friend to remain a fixture in Sea Isle, at least for the remainder of this year's tail season. 

However, with the knowledge of his departure, it is with gleeful sadness that we bring you this look back on over a year's worth of the drunken, bro-icing, cowboy hat wearing, jet ski riding, red fisting, puck bunny chasing goodness that is… your Morning Carts.

In "Your Morning Carts: What if Chase Was Just Like Jeff Edition?" we ponder what the world would be like if Chase Utley's rehab was similar to that of Jeff Carter's… which includes pounding beers at CBP while rocking a giant red fist and a cast.

In "Your Morning Carts: Bros Icing Bros Edition" we source web users who spotted One Seven and friends bro-icing in Sea Isle. Warning: Game 6 Stanley Cup footage.

In "Jeff Carter: Get out of My Bed" we source a beachgoer who overheard a girl crying on the beach. She was Carter'd.

In "Your Morning Carts: Beautiful Soul Edition" we find our favorite blonde forward wearing Crocs… and posing with five coeds on the beach.

In "Your Morning Carts: There is an Entire Site Dedicated to Jeff Carter's Party, and It's NOT This one" we take a look at the stalker board that tracks Jeff's every move.

In "Your Morning Carts: I Took Six Panthers to the Club Edition" we detail Jeff's post-contract celebration in which he took six Panthers to the club.

In "Your Morning Carts: Frosty Tips Edition" we find Carts wearing a cowboy hat next to two stacked cases of Miller Lite, and Carts, Leino, and Carcillo in Atlantic City.

In "Your Morning Carts: Blondes and Porn Stars Edition" we chronicle Jeff's adventures checking out blondes and club-boxing with porn stars.

In "Your Morning Carts: Hat Trick Edition" we find a Movembered Carts scoring a hat trick.

In "Your Morning Carts: I Went to Chester to See Backs, But Becks Wasn't There Edition" we find Carter, Richards, and Co. dressed to the nines in an effort to impress the elusive David Beckham.

And finally, in "Your Mid Afternoon Carts: I took Two Girls to the Liquor Store and Bought Them Mike's Hard Edition" we find Carts at the liquor store buying Mike's Hard with two girls.

It is at this point we'd ask that you get down on one knee, raise your favorite malt beverage high in the air… and chug. We remember.

 

*For realsies for a sec: Please understand that 90% of this is satire based on some recent and some not so recent pics of Carts. Glorified captions, if you will. With the exception of a few instances of frustration, most of this was meant not to kill a guy for having fun, but, rather, to have some fun with a guy who was having fun. The ridiculous antics of a twenty something millionaire living and playing in our city. 

To be honest, I feel bad for him. He liked playing here and probably expected to continue doing so for the next decade. That all changed yesterday.

Because I know these posts usually find their way back to him, I offer up this: I don't hate Jeff. In fact, I actually like him as a player. I have never met him, but, by all accounts from readers and fans (and believe me, there are many many more that were not shared), Jeff was almost always very friendly to both guys and girls alike. There's something to be said (as funny as it is) for a guy who, let's face it, is above us, yet drinks in our bars, lives in our city, vacations in our spot, and who took less money to be here long-term. And, despite the general consensus, he's also a hell of a hockey player. One that will be missed by this blogger. We wish you the best, Jeff. And don't worry, we'll be watching.

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Your Morning Carts: I Went to Chester to See Becks, But Becks Wasn’t There Edition!

Kyle Scott - May 13, 2011

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Ah yes, summer must be near. The flowers are in bloom, the sun cradles itself above the horizon just a moment longer each night, and the Flyers continue their run to the Eastern Conference Finals are out on the town at an MLS game in Chester. It’s a beautiful thing, the turn of the seasons.

Here we find Carts and Co. taking in the Union-Galaxy match at PPL Park on Wednesday. Surely the gang was disappointed that David Beckham didn’t journey east for the tilt. I mean, look at that attire – Ed Hardy is reporting supply chain problems with 50/50 blended-cotton – that wasn’t for the fine folks of Chester. I see the planning going down Ocean’s Eleven style in an abandoned warehouse somewhere:

Carts: Did you see Becks at the Royal Wedding? We gotta look our best. Whaddya got?

Leino: Jason Mraz hat. 

Carts: Oh that’s so Timberlake of you. Richie?

Richie: I just had surgery this morning, I’ll be wearing a sling. They’ll never suspect a thing. Poet!

Carts: Excellent, one-armed bandit routine. You lead.

Leino: Should I bring my sniper rifle?

Carts: What? No. Who brought this guy? We’re there to impress Becks.

Richie: … Oh… I thought we were killing Panaccio.

Carts: Fuckin… What about you, Claude?

Giroux: If you think I’m wearing anything other than a backwards New Era cap, you’re out of your fucking mind.

Car Bomb: I’ll just look lost.

Carts: Perfect. I have my trusty white slim-fit. My friend here has Ray-Bans and a metro sweater. 

Random Friend: Seriously, I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone.

 

Either that, or Carts had been sexting with the female usher in section 106. Yeah, probably that. Onward. 

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Here we see the gang sauntering into PPL Park. The kid in the Cliff Lee jersey has just been struck with the wafting scent of Carter’s newly-purchased True Religion jeans. The locals are suspicious. Soon after, Carter Team Six finds itself being funneled through with the masses. The mission has officially hit its first snag.

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Flyers Beat the Predators in Front of All Their Dads

Kyle Scott - February 3, 2011

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Womp womp.

CRL (Carts, Richie, Leino – Costa Rica Line when up front on the power play- credit Stevie Why) dominated the ice tonight, as Carts notched an early goal before Leino added two third period goals to seal the deal.

Stevie Why has the story and the highlights are after the jump. But before we get there, Jim Jackson really wanted Keith Jones to use the telestrator:

I really need to get out of my basement more.

Hop it.

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Your Morning Carts: I Took Six Panthers to the Club Edition

Kyle Scott - November 24, 2010

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Oh yeah, I have a pseudo trench-coat and a porn stache.  Fightin' crime and gettin' digits.

Here we have a Movembered Carts, spotted in his natural habitat- Canada.  Just where in the world would he wear clothes from Harry Rosen, Canadia's self-proclaimed leading quality menswear retailer?  How about the Recess Lonunge in Old City (yeah that place next to the Ritz parking garage). From the fantastic HughE Dillion and his site PhillyChitChat.com:

Last Saturday night at Recess a few Flyers partied inside including Jeff Carter, who came with a few Florida Panthers who the Flyers had just beaten a few hours earlier, 5-2. My source didn't know know the names but said [there were about six of them].

Yep, that was the night Carts signed a $58 million contract.  There is no doubt he was making it rain and icing bros next to the "waterfall by the bar, plush couches and velvet ropes" of Recess.  You stay classy, Carter.

Why post now?  Really we were just looking for an excuse to use more of these amazing photos from 25Stanley.com.  I don't know who took them, but the dude should win a Pulitzer.  And maybe we should change this post to "Your Morning Harts," because here we have a lip-furred Scott Hartnell, spitting next to a frightened autograph seeker.

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More awesome after the jump.  And details on our Scott Hartnell, 70's crime fighter Photoshop t-shirt giveaway contest.  Deep breath.

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