Les Bowen, per a league source, is reporting that Eagles
first second third(?) option, Dopey Doug Pederson, will be named head coach. An Eagles spokesperson told Ian Rapppppppppoport: “We have concluded our search for a head coach. No further interviews are scheduled.” That’s because the Chiefs are still playing and it can’t officially be announced.
Earlier in the day, Ken Flajole (a fine dish at Chili’s), was mysteriously hired by the Eagles. He was quality control coach in Green Bay when Pederson was there. They’re getting the staff together.
UPDATE: Multiple national reporters now confirming the report.
UPDATE 2: Congratulations to Howie Roseman, who gets his yes-man. My (our) thoughts on Pederson can be found in this post about Pederson being just thrilled to be interviewed by golly, this one about his dumb hair, this one about Andy Reid being in Jeffrey Lurie’s ear to hire his offensive coordinator who was recently granted permission to call some plays, or in this thought exercise from a post wondering how we got here:
Consider that two of the Eagles’ top three candidates are linked to no other head coaching jobs. Doug Pederson and his dumb goddamn hair haven’t been even so much as breathed (v.) about for other vancancies around the league. Shurmur is a candidate… for the Bears’ offensive coordinator gig. And Tom Coughlin has drawn interest from only the Eagles and 49ers, but perhaps will learn of other openings when he makes his way out to the mailbox once those damn kids GET OFF HIS LAWN.
Coughlin is 702 (he aged two years since I started this), and would almost certianly not be around long enough to see the fruits of his labor. And it’s remarkable – REMARKABLE – to me that we’re still trying to pry Jeffrey Lurie away from Andy Reid. The Fat Man has been bending his ex-boss’ ear about Pederson and, holy shit, Doug Pederson is going to be the next coach. I just know it. Lurie will go back to his Reid-ian roots and hire Dopey Doug Fucking Funny Pederson to give Howie Roseman handjobs every morning at 6 and 10 in a sort of ritualistic sticky death worship to WIP’s old home on the radio dial. 6 and 10, Doug. Howie goes from 6 to midnight at 6 and 10. That’s your new Eagles, folks– Doug Pederson jerking off Howie Roseman while Jeffrey Lurie watches and we hold up our splash guards.
UPDATE 3: I feel like somehow we lost here:
UPDATE 4: The Eagles are reportedly interested in Jim Schwartz as defensive coordinator.
UPDATE 5: Anyone else worried that Doug Pederson doesn’t actually know how to do this? Wait, I get employees? Like a secretary and all? Awww shoot this is just the greatest!
For the record: I made the same jokes about Charlie Manuel as a punk college kid… and obviously I nailed that one. So you should totally value my opinion.
UPDATE 6: Idle thought– the Eagles were so impressed by Pederson during his interview… that they scheduled a second meeting with Tom Coughlin.
UPDATE 7: Jimmy Kempski:
Over the last three years, the Chiefs’ numbers are very consistent. They are a running team with overall unimpressive numbers, but they do a tremendous job limiting turnovers and allowing the strength of the team, the defense, to win games.
That style of play could mesh well in Philadelphia. The Eagles clearly have more talent on the defensive side of the ball, but they have been put in an impossible situation over the last three years by Chip Kelly’s unrelenting fast-paced offense.
The Chiefs’ ability to limit turnovers can be at least partially attributed by quarterback Alex Smith, who has a conservative approach to the position. However, if Pederson could bring the ability to hang onto the football with him to Philly, that would improve what has arguably been the Eagles’ biggest downfall over the last two seasons.
Yes, just what you always wanted: An offensive coordinator whose biggest strength is eating up the clock so the defense can rest and helping his players not turn the ball over. Better get started on that statue.