Posts for Jerry Jones

Investigators are Looking Into Possibly Illegal Aspects of the Chris Christie/Jerry Jones Relationship

Jim Adair - April 9, 2015

Here’s something you probably didn’t realize: New York prosecutors are still investigating Chris Christie’s administration’s role in those George Washington Bridge lane-closures. And in wrapping up the investigation and tying up loose ends, Christie’s best friend, Jerry Jones, came up.

Basically, investigators are looking to see if Christie and Jones’ friendship has given Jones unfair business advantages. The prosecutors have reportedly subpoenaed records that are related to the “contract to operate the World Trade Center observation deck — a lucrative deal awarded to a company partially owned by Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.” If that sounds familiar, it’s because that deal came to light when Chris Christie couldn’t stop hugging Jerry Jones in public. The issue is that Jones paid for flights and tickets for Christie and members of his family to attend Cowboys games. Christie said it wasn’t an issue because they’re personal friends, but Jones’ company’s contract was with the Port Authority, and Christie is responsible for the appointment of half the Port Authority’s board members and top staffers. Christie says he and Jones didn’t become personal friends until after the 2013 deal took place, you know, like “Hey you got me that contract and now we’re friends,” or something like that.

Dez Bryant Will Be Franchized by the Cowboys and There’s Still No Sign of a Video

Jim Adair - March 2, 2015

Photo Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Photo Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Dez Bryant, the Cowboys receiver who was famously seen on video in the imagination of Eagles fans everywhere doing something truly atrocious, will be franchise tagged by the Cowboys. Bryant’s recent video-themed troubles have, as of yet, led to no actual footage surfacing (and if it hasn’t now, I don’t think it ever will).

Bryant has said before that he would be “highly disappointed” is he was given the franchise tag, and my theory of Jerry Jones floating the fake video news to get his price down seems to also be unfounded (but still fun). According to ESPN, the tag guarantees Bryant around $13 million in 2015, but the team will “not use the exclusive franchise tag on Bryant … a team would have to give up two first-round picks if Dallas chooses not to match an offer sheet.” Jones said he hopes the tag would work as a placeholder deal until they can actually work out a long-term contract, but I wouldn’t be surprised if rumors of some other devious behavior come out right when those negotiations are kicking off. Also, Dez just scored another touchdown on Bradley Fletcher.

The NFL is Investigating if the Cowboys Broke the Injury Reporting Rules

Jim Adair - December 5, 2014

Photo Credit: Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

Photo Credit: Tim Heitman-USA TODAY Sports

Earlier today, it came out that Tony Romo, while dealing with a back injury, also has a broken rib. Romo himself said he’s had it for about two months, and it was never reported in the Cowboys’ injury report. The NFL does not like that. According to Pro Football Talk, “the NFL is exploring whether the Cowboys violated the rules regarding the reporting of injuries.” They looked into the same team and same player last year — then about a different back injury — and did nothing about it, so that’s probably what is going to happen this time. PFT lays out a few reasons why nothing will come out this, but the last one is the most telling:

If the public becomes aware of enough violations, the public will begin to realize that, while the rules are aimed at erasing the perception of the existence of inside information that would be available to gamblers, inside information indeed exists.

And the NFL really has to show that it at least tries to protect its biggest fan-base: The degenerate gamblers and fantasy football players who need all of the info all of the time.

Jerry Jones Says He’ll Kick His Wife out of First Class in Favor of Tony Romo on Flight to London

Jim Adair - November 3, 2014

These two assholes Photo Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

These two assholes
Photo Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

Jerry Jones’ creep-fest with Tony Romo is getting weirder.

Jones needs his quarterback to play (he shouldn’t), and for his quarterback to play, he needs to be healthy… ish. Romo has two transverse process fractures in his back, and he’s got a long flight to London ahead of him — because the NFL is dumb — and it would be nice if his back was comfortable on that ride. So what will Jerry Jones do about that? Kick his wife out of first class, of course.

According to The Dallas Morning News, Jones is totally cool with bumping his wife, Gene, back to coach (the seating class, not to actually coach the team, I think… but you never know), while Romo sits up in first class, presumably getting his back massaged while Jones barks orders at a flight attendant.

“Some of those seats really make out into a nice cot, bed-type configuration,” Jones said. “[Romo] will get one of those.”

“Gene will sit up in the bulkhead. Romo will lounge on the way over.”

Should Romo play this week? Probably not. Should he make this trip at all? Probably not. But he’ll sit in first class while the owner’s wife mans the emergency exit and the head coach presumably gets the seat next to the bathroom.

H/T to reader Matt

Jerry Jones Went down to the Sideline to Tell Jason Garrett That Tony Romo Was Going Back in

Jim Adair - October 28, 2014

Screen Shot 2014-09-25 at 9.27.25 AM

In last night’s loss to the Redskins at Jerry Jones’ shrine to himself, Tony Romo took a knee to the back, right around the affected area from his season-ending back surgery last year. It was a scary (and likely extremely painful) moment. Romo was taken to the locker room, and as any NFL owner maniac would do, Jones followed him in.

Romo’s X-rays came back negative, but it’s still unclear if his injury is serious (he’s got a back contusion, but will be reevaluated). But Jones knew it wasn’t serious, because Jones is (not) a doctor. At one point, it looked like he was telling a very sad looking Jason Garrett that Romo was coming back in.

As it turns out, that’s exactly what happened.

Jones told the media :

“I was here during the tail end of the examination and knew he planned to come back out and play if he were needed. Of course he was needed. I felt good that he could come back out. When he saw the opportunity he did. I told Jason that he would be back in.”

Now in the case of your starting quarterback being ready to return from the locker room, there’s usually a few ways that can be communicated to the head coach:

1) A trainer can tell him.

2) A doctor can tell him.

3) The player can just walk out of the locker room.

Nowhere on that list is “the owner comes down from his box to sit in on the X-ray in the locker room, the owner says he’s okay, the owner walks out onto the sideline and delivers the news directly to the head coach that the quarterback is coming back in.” Why? Because that’s what psychopaths do. I understand the fear of Brandon Weeden (though he did lead the Cowboys on an 80-yard scoring drive), but was any of what Jones did necessary? No, it wasn’t. But it was Jerry Jones. Soon, Jones will be up in the box talking over the football game, with the same big loud opinion, but nobody will be listening as he’s washed up and ranting about the same old things. For now, though, at least Garrett is listening.

On the bright side, the game gave Browns fans something to have fun with in the McCoy/Weeden showdown. So that’s nice.

Women in Jerry Jones Pictures Are Trying to Get Images “Scrubbed from the Internet,” Will Not Be Successful

Jim Adair - August 8, 2014

Voila_Capture 2014-08-05_01-20-42_PM

A few days ago, thanks to the son our one Lord and Savior, Frank Hoover, we were treated to some images of Jerry Jones and some young ladies in various states of undress and various degrees of closeness to Jerry Jones’ crotch. According to the New York Post, “the pair said they couldn’t remember much about their wild rendezvous with Jones that took place around five years ago, adding that ‘there was a lot of alcohol involved.'” It makes sense, because Jerry Jones has some Grade A drunk-face going on up top there, and as TMZ said, “although they appear to be posing … both women claim they and Jerry had no idea the pics were being taken — and say Jones’ bodyguard would have confiscated the camera if they had a clue.”

“They say they never wanted the photos to go public,” TMZ continues, “so, they’ve retained an attorney to find out how they can have them scrubbed from the Internet.”

Oh, cool. I can help with the whole scrubbing them from the internet thing. Here’s the thing: You can’t. And even if you could have somehow scrubbed them from the internet, a million dudes just saved these to their desktop just to re-upload them whenever they feel like messing with Jerry Jones.

GIF: Jerry Jones Reacts to Loss, Kid Pulls Off Shirt in Disgust

Kyle Scott - December 30, 2013


Jerry Jones Accused the Giants of Faking Injuries

Kyle Scott - September 9, 2013

Screen Shot 2013-09-09 at 11.15.09 AM
Jerry Jones accused the Giants of faking injuries to slow down the Cowboys’ devastating* offensive attack:

“I thought us experts on football were the only ones who could see that [they were faking injuries],” Jones said with a laugh, via Todd Archer of “No, it was so obvious it was funny. It wasn’t humorous because we really wanted the advantage and knew we could get it if we could get the ball snapped.”

The NFL sent out a memo warning teams about the practice last week, and Cowboys coach Jason Garrett was talking with officials during the break as the “injured players” were being attended to.

“I thought we got them moving a lot and got them pretty tired during that stretch,” Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo said. “They obviously had a bunch of injuries in that stretch. Tough break, I know. Seemed to come back pretty good after that though.”

Tony Romo with the zinger!

You know how this ends: Jones will eat those words on October 20, when Jason Garrett and his fifth grade haircut are forced to pull out every trick they have in order to slow down Chip Kelly’s up-tempo offense. The Eagles didn’t give us nearly enough time to make our substitutions! AND WHY DOES MY COACH LOOK LIKE HE’S STILL WORKING ON THAT WHOLE PUBERTY THING!?

*I don’t actually mean that.