Posts for job

In Other News: Joe Banner Named Browns President

Kyle Scott - October 16, 2012

In impeccably timed news, reports came out that former Eagles president Joe Banner will take over for Mike Holmgren as the Browns' president. This happened just before the Eagles announced that Juan Castillo was fired. Or, just after Juan Castillo was fired. It’s hard to tell.

Banner, who fled the sinking ship, NovaCare Complex, just in time, was expected to take over Holmgren’s position when it was announced that Banner was part of the team’s new ownership group.

Carry on.

Andy Reid’s Job Is On The Line This Year, But Is It Really?

Ryan Gillon - August 30, 2012


Andy Reid is signed on to be the Eagles coach through 2013, but if there is anything that came out of Jeff Lurie's State of the Team Address today, it's that Andy Reid isn't a lock to be the Head Coach of the Eagles in 2013.

Simply, Lurie implied that it all depends on how his 2012 shakes out.

When asked by reporters about Andy Reid's status, Lurie made it clear that nothing is guaranteed after this upcoming season, even in light of the tragic events in Reid's personal life.

"This is a business, and you're there to win and win big… so all the emphasis will be on Andy Reid the coach," Lurie said.

Everyone knew the question was coming, and Lurie needed a stern response in light of the comments Reid's agent Bob LaMonte made three weeks ago.

Via Jeff McLane of the Philadelphia Inquirer:

Lurie "has stated again and again, any time that I’ve been with him, that was as long as he’s the owner of the Philadelphia Eagles Andy Reid would be his coach," LaMonte said. "And I’d say the proof of the pie is in the pudding. He’s been here 14 years.”

“This man has earned the right to decide what he wants to do, and he may well decide he doesn’t want to coach and Jeffrey may decide he doesn’t want to hire him, but I can just tell you Jeffrey Lurie has told me on any occasion I’ve ever been with him, as long as he’s the owner of the Philadelphia Eagles, Andy will be his coach," LaMonte said once again. "Now, if you know something else, tell me, because I should probably know."



Lurie continued by saying that last year's 8-8 record was unacceptable and if the same result happened this season, Reid would be dismissed. Reporters continued to prod and Lurie admitted that there are always exceptions, but "you just have to make the best decisions you can after the season," but that "it'll be very clear."

Whether you believe Lurie or not is up to you. I think he's partially full of shit because I'm a firm believer that if Reid was going to get fired, it was going to be at the end of last season. Why? Because as Lurie said, there are always exceptions.

If Mike Vick goes down for a few weeks at any point in the season and Nick Foles is behind center? That's an exception. If there is any injury to a big name player at any point in the season, that's an exception. There are always exceptions.

Lurie had to say what he did, partially because of what Reid's agent foolishly said, but I do think he would have said something along those lines anyway. He had to follow up on his comments at the end of last season.

It comes down to this; Lurie will only fire Reid if he truly wants to, or if this season is a complete disaster. I don't think that Lurie wants to fire Andy Reid, and I don't think he will at the end of this season.

Hopefully, we won't have to find out.

It Took Less Than An Hour For The Claude Giroux-Twitter Oral Sex Offers

Kyle Scott - January 9, 2012

Screen Shot 2012-01-09 at 9.58.56 PM

We blocked the name and headshot, because the girl, whom we're calling "Gemma," will probably regret these Tweets. But in case you’re wondering, yes, one of the images in her gallery is of the top of her bikini line.

When Claude Giroux joined Twitter - at around 6 p.m. last night - we fully expected some grammatical panties to be tossed his way. After all, it’s rare that you get a direct-connect to Girouxsalem (© reader Frank). But we weren’t expecting a mass blow job offer… at least not this quickly. 

A few minutes after the above Tweets, Claude carefully chose a 10th person to follow. Gemma got the honor:

Screen Shot 2012-01-09 at 8.59.26 PM

Screen Shot 2012-01-09 at 9.58.21 PM

I’m following for research– lay off 

OMGemma was excited:

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Wanted: Seven-Foot Tall Moose (Here’s The Actual Sixers Mascot Job Posting)

Kyle Scott - December 14, 2011

image from

Do you want to be the next Sixers mascot? Sure ya do!

Hide your eyes, kids, we’re about to flip your world upside-down.

Thanks to reader Erik for passing along a link to his site, which found a job posting on for the new Philadelphia 76ers mascot (!!!).

One of the most storied franchises in NBA history, is currently seeking a highly motivated, energetic and talented individual to become the new mascot for the team. The ideal candidate would have experience performing as a mascot; possess excellent non-verbal communication skills, athletically and physically fit, and have a creative and humorous personality. 


Yeah, but are you qualified? The next Sixers mascot will need a high school diploma or GED, minimum two years of mascoting (verb?) experience, be “good with spontaneous crowd-interaction,” punctual, have the ability to dance and be good at dealing with people (Can't you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?).

I see you nodding your head, but are you ready to perform at all 41 home game (plus playoffs!), make 200-300 appearances a year, maintain your own costume and wardrobe (which could be a giant fucking moose), generate sales for mascot merchandise, attend weekly practice sessions and perform other duties

Yes? Well, here’s more: 

The physical demands and work environment characteristics described here are representative of those that must be met by an employee to successfully perform the essential functions of this job. Reasonable accommodations may be made to enable individuals with disabilities to perform the essential functions.  

While performing duties of job, the employee will be constantly in costume. Move about the arena and during events to interact and entertain clients/fans. Work in excessive heat or cold under stressful conditions 

The duties of this position are performed indoors and outdoors. The noise level in the work environment is usually moderate to loud to during events and minimal during non-events. 

Audition Dates 

Invitation Only! Individual must be available to participate in audition to be held tentatively on Dec 19th or 20th date in Philadelphia so please hold those dates now! Applicable travel expenses will be reimbursed for the auditions. The final candidates will be required to submit to a background check through an independent resource. 


And here I thought B. Franklin Dogg was supposed to be some 300-year-old pup who roamed the streets of Philadelphia with a basketball like forlorn Bruce Springsteen. I make a sad. 

[Storied NBA franchise seeks full-time mascot]

[Sixers mascot position now online]

Video: Girl Gives Female Red Sox Friend Handy With Giant Red Fist

Kyle Scott - June 29, 2011

And if it comes, it comes.

I'm telling you, there really needs to be a screening process for the folks sitting behind home plate in direct sight of oft-used cameras. During the 19 inning affair, we had air-cunilingus and boob grabbing. Last night? She-jobs.

I… I make a sad. Jeff Carter used to love this stuff:


Lenny Dykstra Likes to be Fellated on Saturdays, Allegedly

Kyle Scott - January 11, 2011


Note: This is post is best read while listening to this song


This makes two consecutive days of fellatio posts.  There's either A) a rash of BJ starved ex-athletes, or B) a lack of hard Philly sports news this week.

Lenny Dykstra just can't keep himself out of trouble.  Last week, we detailed his latest issue, a failure to pay $1,000 to an escort in exchange for having drinks with him, and now we learn that his housekeeper accused him of forcing her to fellate (v. to perform fellatio) him… on Saturdays.  

She says she put up with his requests because she needed the money, and only went to police after Dykstra failed to pay her $2,000 that he owed her.  [LA Times]

According to the rejection memo by Los Angeles County prosecutors, a female housekeeper alleged Dykstra would force her to give him oral sex on Saturdays. However, the 41-year-old woman’s case seemed to flounder because of an apparent lack of evidence that the activity was forced.

In an interview with the Los Angeles Times, Dykstra denied the allegations, saying the woman was trying to extort him to buy drugs.

“If she was assaulted on Saturdays, then I’m a … ballerina dancer on Sundays,” Dykstra said. “This is a maid. That’s not even worth commenting on, are you kidding me?”


Heh.  That's an amazing quote right there, folks.

So let me get this straight: Lenny Dykstra only had drinks with a porn-star escort, but demanded blowies from his maid?  Is it me, or is there something backwards about that?

Craig Calcaterra points out that while police dropped criminal charges- citing a lack of evidence- it's foolish to expect to receive any payment from Lenny in a civil case:  [Hardball Talk]

Note to accuser: unlike Johan Santana, Lenny Dykstra is in no position to pay you a settlement on a civil case, so you should probably not bother with the filing fee if that’s what you had in mind.


Ah yes, the Santana Corollary.  Only accuse an athlete of forcing salacious and ridiculous sex if he has enough money to pay you.  Sage advice.

Freddie Mitchell Would Like to be Felated on a Date, Please

Kyle Scott - January 10, 2011

Oh yeah, that's nice.

Freddie Mitchell is all over the place this week.  He will be on Millionaire Matchmaker tomorrow night at 9 P.M. on Bravo.  Of course, this begs the question: Freddie Mitchell is still a millionaire? has a short preview of the show, in which FredEX would like to know if it is OK to get a BJ on a date.

MM: You never give a woman cash and a credit card.  You can buy them jewley, that's how you get BJs.  

Frederal Express:  Am I allowed to get a BJ on, like, the date?


The People's Champ doesn't do pleasantries.

Oh yeah, and he's coachable.

Video after the jump.

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Sean McDermott’s Job is Not on the Line, Yet

Kyle Scott - October 28, 2010


There has been a ton of speculation about whether or not Sean McDermott is on the hot seat after the Eagles' secondary got torched in the second half of Sunday’s game.

Andy Reid defended McDermott, at least publicly.  [Philly Sports Daily]

“I’ll tell you what, I thought Sean had a heck of a game plan, man. Doggone, that’s a good football team right there.  For three quarters, we had it right there.  I thought he put together a good game plan. I thought the guys executed, they were fired up and flying around.”

Doggone, they may have been flying around, but they couldn’t have covered a bandwagon Phillies fan with an Ill shirt on Sunday (HEYYO!)

Tim McManus compares McDermott’s pass defense to his predecessor’s.  Everyone assumed that McDermott would be a genius because he studied under Jim Johnson.  That’s turning out to not be the case, folks.

Passing Touchdowns allowed

2010 (through seven games) 13

2009           27
2008           19
2007           16
2006           17
2005           24
2004           16
2003           17
2002           18
2001           13

More solid breakdown over at PSD.