Posts for john

Donovan McNabb Got Shredded by John Cena at Raw in Philly Last Night

Kyle Scott - March 26, 2013

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Poor Five.

Last night, John Cena, while addressing The Rock and Mick Foley in the squared circle as part of a debate of sorts (I don’t care, nor do I feel like looking up the context), used Donovan McNabb’s name – and just his name – as an instant punchline. 

Talking about those who couldn’t win the big one, Cena…

“Donovan McNabb. [boos] Don…ovan McNabb. [boos] Statistically, Donovan McNabb is the greatest quarterback to ever put on an Eagles uniform. [boos] But Mick, listen to how the people in the own city that he played for remember him. [boos] Why? Because Donovan McNabb could not win the big one. Philadelphia cares about its teams, Philadelphia’s fans have passion, and with that type of passion, they deserve  someone who can win the big one. [cheers]”


Well played, WWE writers.

Video after the jump.

via 97.5 The Fanatic

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John Harbaugh was Scared of Philly Media

Kyle Scott - January 30, 2013

John Harbaugh, coaching the Ravens in the Super Bowl against his brother’s 49ers, in case you haven’t heard, spoke with reporters in New Orleans today and made this crack about his time as Eagles special teams coach:

Not sure if that’s because of the ferociousness with which they cover the team… or because of this series of hostage videos from Rob Charry on YouTube.

John Tortorella Says the Rangers are “Playing with Some Jam”

Kyle Scott - January 24, 2013

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Photo: SB Nation

John Tortorella and his big yapper spoke to Pierre McGuire during the Rangers-Bruins game last night about what makes the Rangers successful. This, apparently: “Just grinding it out and playing with some jam.”

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Now, I have no idea if this is a phrase that is said in locker rooms across the league. But I had never heard it before Peter Laviolette's tirade last season. Played hockey for eight years, too– never heard it then, either. So was Torts just saying what was on his mind? Was this a Freudian slip because, somewhere deep down inside, he wishes that he, too, could spit grammaticals of fire? Was Torts intentionally prodding Lavs before tonight’s game? We don’t know. But what we do know is that it is not Torts' phrase, and that it would be best to step off it, good sir.

Video after the jump.

H/T to Bleeding Brotherly Love

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Yesterday, Howard Eskin was Extraordinarily Wrong About the Lockout

Kyle Scott - January 6, 2013

Howard Eskin, whose sources are generally well-placed and reliable (especially with hockey news and Flyers injury updates— for realsies), was grotesquely wrong with his lockout update last night:

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At the time, he was quickly corrected by unofficial CB weatherman John Bolaris:

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You're, but whatevs. Earlier in the day, J-Bo (or the Tweets he was reading) was actually spot on with his lockout update: 

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Score one for the weatherman in this ongoing dick-measuring contest between mostly out-of-work former Philly media stalwarts.

John Bolaris Got Engaged on the Howard Stern Show This Morning, During His Hurricane Coverage

Kyle Scott - October 29, 2012

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Photo: Howard Stern Show

Our unofficial weatherman for your certain death, John Bolaris, is serving as Howard Stern’s official correspondent for Frankenstorm. So, where better than Stern’s show for Bolaris to get engaged… unplanned… live… during a hurricane.

Only J-Bo.

I wasn’t listening this morning, but’s Dan Gross was and he provides some details: []

After questioning Smitheman about her relationship with Bolaris, including how long it took her to sleep with him after they met (Her reply: "Three hours"), Stern asked if Bolaris wanted to marry Smitheman.

When the former Fox 29 and NBC10 meteorologist said yes, Stern suggested he propose on-air. He did so, and Smitheman immediately said yes.

There was no ring as Bolaris clearly was not planning to propose, however he did tell Smitheman how much he loved her and that he planned to propose sooner than later anyway.


Romantic, John.

I’m not sure what’s a more J-Bo move– proposing to his girlfriend on the Howard Stern Show during a hurricane… or it only taking him three hours to shlup his future wife. I’ll go with the proposal thing, if only because three hours seems like a relatively long time for sex machine Bolaris, especially if alcohol was involved in the courting process.

Bolaris never responded to my repeated requests (spamming) for him to serve as our Frankenstorm correspondant, though he did thank me for featuring his forecasts and said to "feel free" to continue using his Tweets. I don't think he was being sarcastic. And his first post-engagement update today? All bizzinass:

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Programming note: we have amended the rules of our Frankenstorm Drinking Game to include “John Bolaris gets engaged on Howard Stern Show– do shot.” 

Frankenstorm May Kill Us All This Halloween, and John Bolaris is Here to Cover it for You

Kyle Scott - October 25, 2012

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You know that little storm, the perfectly named Hurricane Sandy, from the Caribbean? Yeah, well she’s about to screw you. 

At virtually the same moment today, a flurry of weather folks tweeted a link to the latest model, which predicts Sandy will take a westward track… right into your kitchen, on or around Tuesday morning. I'm calling its projected path the Cone of Death, but that's a working title.

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The bad weather will start on Sunday and perhaps continue into Wednesday – Halloween – as Sandy expands into Frankenstorm. We’ll let a smart guy from the AP explain: [6 ABC]

The storm is a combination of Hurricane Sandy, now in the Caribbean, an early winter storm in the West, and a blast of arctic air from the North. They're predicted to collide and park over the country's most populous coastal corridor and reach as far inland as Ohio.


Yeah, it’s the Perfect Storm 2. 

And since it’s a somewhat slow sports time right now, we’re going to cover it. But shit, I don’t know anything about weather. You know who does, though? John Bolaris.

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I’ve been spam tweeting the out-of-work weatherman a quite-serious offer to bring his alarming rants and weather forecasts to Crossing Broad. He won’t answer. So, I've decided to cut out the middle man – basically me – and name J-Bo our weatherman for Frankenstorm, by bringing you his Tweets. Aggregated, of course.

Over to you, John: [lightly edited]

Hurricane Sandy winds 105 mph is moving through the central Bahamas North 16mph. The next 48hrs confident with track stay off Florida coast. However, by late Saturday night Sandy will start to head NE away from the coast. BUT huge blocking to North & vigorous trough to west will cont. At first slow down Sandy, also at this time 2 things will begin to unfold: Sandy will begin her transformation into a extratropical storm, meaning she loses her tropical traits, BUT continues to grow in size. Windfield expands, intensity remains same or even becoming more intense. As storm now will feed on baroclinic transformation, becoming a hybrid of great intensity (possibility of historical strength). Also, as she Interacts with trough (becomes negative), she now will start to bend back towards the east coast (nao is the most negative then it has been), helping to block a Northeast exit (still small window to exit east, but that window is closing quickly). BIG question is where exactly does this Perfect Storm 2 begin it's bend and how sharp, majority clustering is now starting to come around for a possible strike anywhere. From the Delaware Bay as far north as Eastern LI, with the overall center of the guidance putting it near Ocean county NJ by Halloween am. Talk about a Halloween nightmare. This storm has a bunch of rare atmospheric conditions coming together at once, hence the name Perfect Storm: #1 late season Hurricane, #2 Extremely high pressures across Greenland. #3 Extreme trough closing up turning negative & it's base getting cutoff. #4 Astronomical high tide takes place on Sunday. All this leads to deep concerns for the East coast from Norfolk to Philly, Nyc, capes.

Right now what we could experience along the shore would be Major tidal flooding (poss severe depending on track), beach erosion, hurricane force winds or gusts. Pounding rains & winds of long duration widespread power outages. Now keep in mind this isn't just a shore hit, across all major east coast cities could experience tropical storm force winds gusts 60 plus, not out of the question hurr gusts. Pounding rain & wind of over 24 hrs, flash flooding is likely & widespread, power outages, trees down, lines snap. With all this being said, still have another 48hrs to refine and say with much more certainty with what is going to happen or not. Standby.


Standing by, John. 

Stay tuned to CB for all your Frankenstorm updates. Now over to Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa, who has a look at the dangers of plagiarism. Tricia?

Be sure to follow our own John Bolaris (@JohnBolaris)

And Now, Claude Giroux with John Bolaris’ Busty Girlfriend

Kyle Scott - May 21, 2012

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Claude Giroux continued on his post-surgery party circuit when he went to the WMMR concert yesterday. Here he is photographed with John Bolaris’ girlfriend, whose boobs, I’m guessing, are not real. 

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You might think we’re getting on Giroux by posting pictures of him at a bar, playing Baggo, and attending concerts with former local weather men, but really we’re just looking for an excuse to tell you to vote for him for the NHL 13 cover.

Of course, if we keep posting pictures of G drinking, there's a chance that Paul Holmgren might trade him to next year's Stanley Cup winner. So perhaps we'll stop.

Second pic via 10-time all-star CB reader (@DXFlyers)

John Kerry Asked Tony Blair to Broker Peace Between The Flyers and Penguins

Kyle Scott - April 18, 2012

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I’m sorry, what?

Today from the nonsensical and out-of-left field department, Tony Blair talks Flyers-Penguins. 

Yep, that’s right, the former British Prime Minister was in Philadelphia last night to receive an award for something or other and told the assembled audience (which I imagine consisted of media and a few hundred insufferable douches) that Senator John Kerry asked him to “bring peace to the Flyers and Penguins.” 

A bit more detail from our friend HughE Dillon at Philly Mag:

He said that he wishes he could help broker peace between the Philadelphia Flyers and the Pittsburgh Penguins after hearing about the discourse of the two teams in a discussion with Senator John Kerry earlier in the day in Washington D.C. 


Well, good luck with that, sir. But just for fun, let’s picture Sidney Crosby as the whining dictator – a female dictator – and the Flyers as a bunker-busting missile, cutting through the rhetoric and directly into the hearts (and minds?) of the Pittsburgh Penguins, who will go home tonight after being swept four-games to zero. 

No truth to the rumor that when Peter Laviolette was asked about brokering peace, he told Blair to go fuck himself.