Posts for jonathan

Jonathan Papelbon Thinks Home Plate Umpire D.J. Reyburn Sucks, Suggests He Be Fired or Demoted

Kyle Scott - June 5, 2012

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Mr. Ocho is not happy with you, Blue. You are, ostensibly, not his boy.

After being just one victim of D.J. Reyburn’s penis tip-sized strike zone last night, Jonathan Papelbon had a few suggestions for what Major League Baseball should do with the triple-A call-up umpire. He thinks Reyburn should be fired or demoted.

"I said you know you messed that call up. And then I guess he was motioning for Charlie. [I said] I just want to ask you a question. I just want to ask you a question. And then the other umpire came over, he said what are you doing or whatever. I said I want to ask him a question. He wouldn’t let me even ask him a question. I wanted to know if he could throw me out for what I was thinking. I thought he was terrible. All day. It was not just that pitch, all day. I wanted to know if he could throw me out for what I was thinking. And if he could… I thought he sucked. I mean, it’s that simple.

He’s a triple-A guy.

Doesn’t surprise me. Doesn’t surprise me. Probably needs to go back to triple-A. That’s not a knock on him, that’s not a knock on the umpires. You’re up in the Big Leagues for a reason– to do a good job. And when you don’t do a good job, you should be demoted or fired. It’s just like anybody’s job. It’s just like like ya’lls job, it’s just like my job. If I don’t do my job, I go down to triple-A. You know? There’s just no room for that up here. Like I said, it’s not a knock on the umpires. It’s the intergrity of the game. You know? You want to be able to go out there and play the game the way it should be played. That’s it."


Ocho Cinco, or Papelbon (whichever one was talking there), should expect a fine from an enraged Bud Selig shortly.  

Papelbon isn’t wrong, however. Reyburn’s strike zone was minuscule all night, something you could even tell from where I was seated in section 306.  

The part that stands out to me, though, isn’t the fired and demoted portion of Papelbon’s comments– it’s the mind-fuck he was supposedly working when he approached Reyburn. I wanted to know if he could throw me out for what I was thinking. That’s some progressive shit right there. It’s like a guy talking to a girl in a bar, pretending to listen, but really wondering if she knows that he’s playing a game of mental Pictionary trying to figure out the color of her panties. We’ve never seen that tactic employed with an umpire, and we applaud Papelbon for it.

Somewhere, Yoda nods in approval. Right, you are, Cinco.

UPDATE: As one person pointed out in the comments, the late Jim Valvano used a similar tactic to get T'd up when he was a coach. Quote #5.

Video of Papelbon's comments after the jump.

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Jonathan Papelbon’s $299 Toy Quadricopter

Kyle Scott - May 17, 2012


We all that know Jonathan Papelbon marches to the beat of a different drum. Which may not be a drum at all… just the sound of his own two feet stomping on the ground in rapid succession to an Irish jig.

Whatever the case, he’s weird.

In today’s Inquirer, Phillies beat writer Matt Gelb penned a rather lengthy profile on the reliever, which we highly recommend reading. Papelbon – rather, Cinco Ocho – is nuts, and there's plenty of evidence which demonstrates that. But we like this bit of tid:

It was raining outside on a recent weekday, so the Phillies pitchers played with their new toys. Roy Halladay, Cliff Lee and Chad Qualls flew tiny remote-controlled airplanes through the clubhouse. Jonathan Papelbon sat at his locker and quietly watched. Then he opened a massive box that contained something called the AR.Drone, a flying quadricopter that retails for $299.99. Everyone stopped looking at the smaller toys.

Papelbon, the man who stipulated his contract include an extra $58 in addition to the guaranteed $50 million, directed the copter with his iPhone as the joystick. He crashed it once and fumbled with a takeoff. Halladay tapped him on the shoulder and asked for the controls.

"This is hard," Papelbon said.

Halladay flew it through the room and buzzed it by unsuspecting players. Papelbon was antsy. He asked for the iPhone. Halladay surrendered it.

Papelbon sent the copter straight ahead. It nearly grazed the clubhouse ceiling. He gracefully lowered it for a soft landing in Laynce Nix's empty chair.

"Look at that!" Papelbon yelled.


Millionaires and their toys… 

There’s more, much more, about Papelbon from Gelb, including some Phillies talking about their perceptions of him – which weren’t much different from mine– douchebag – before he came to Philadelphia.

Read the story here.

And Now, Jonathan Papelbon Playing Ball in the Park

Kyle Scott - May 8, 2012

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You may remember that, last year, one Clifton Lee, Papelbon’s Rittenhouse neighbor, was reported to be playing wiffle ball in the park with his kids. Today, it was Pap’s turn to enjoy the great Philadelphia outdoors.

Rumor has it took him 24 minutes to throw that ball to his daughter. Also, if you look carefully, you may be able to spot Jordany Valdespin doing backflips in the background.

Pic via stealthy reader Brian

Cliff Lee Photobombs Jonathan Papelbon on MLB Network

Kyle Scott - April 13, 2012

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Before last night’s game, Jonathan Papelbon was a guest on MLB Network’s Intentional Talk. He, as usual, was an outstanding interview and provided some great one-liners about his entrance music (might hear some P.O.D., too), his condo, and the time an opposing fan threw a prosthetic leg at him. But, without question, the highlight was Cliff Lee, Cole Hamels and Kyle Kendrick photobombing Paps as he was trying to do the not-so-serious interview.

Look at this:

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As you can see in the video, their location, in direct view of the camera, wasn’t by accident.

A few quotes from Papelbon:

What is your closer music going to be (asked before the game)?

“You know what, man, I’m tinkering I’m coming to come out to something different tonight. I got a little Marilyn Manon or some P.O.D. I don’t know, I just got to tap into Cinco Ocho. He kind of tells me what to do.” 

What has been the first thing you have purchased since the new big contract? 

A penthouse here in Philadelphia. “

Top floor? 

“No, actually I’m right below Cliff Lee. He’s making a little bit more money than me, so…”

Do you want to hit?

“If I get an opportunity to go up there and hit, I’m just going to swing ass to ass.”

What’s a tougher park to pitch in, Citizens Bank Park or Fenway?

“I’m going to go with Citizens Bank… the flower beds got me the other night, actually. Charlie come up to me after the game and said “welcome to the club.” 

Craziest thing that’s ever happened with opposing fans in bullpen? 

“I’m sitting in the bullpen one time, this guy takes off his prosthetic leg, and he wants me to sign his leg, he chucks it in the bullpen at me when i’m trying to get ready. I just kicked it to the side.”


Papelbon also talked about jumping in the shower with Hunter Pence. You can see it all in the video here.

H/T to CB contributor and friend Matt Hammond and his blog, Thoughts In Passing, for the find

Jonathan Papelbon Seemingly Chooses His Entrance Music…

Kyle Scott - April 9, 2012

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In case you didn’t stick around or stay tuned in until the ninth inning of today's game (and if you didn’t, who can blame you?), Jonathan Papelbon debuted what – we think – will be his new entrance music, even though he was entering the game with the Phillies trailing 5-2.

His choice……..

Alice In Chains, Man In The Box.

What, Black Hole Sun wasn’t available?

Look, no one likes the Dropkick Murphys, but at least their song, Shipping Up To Boston, which Papelbon used with the Red Sox, made sense. It was hip when he started using it, and obviously the lyrics are about… well, you get it.  

Papelbon spent half the spring answering questions about his new music, and genuinely seemed to be torn over what to select. So he came up with Alice In Chains (?). That’s a song befitting (AND RECORDED BEFORE) the 1993 Phillies. It’s not a good one, either. Though this lyric fits:

I'm the man in the box
Buried in my shit
Won't you come and save me, save me


If shit is a dysphemism for the Phillies' lineup, maybe Paps was onto something…

Perhaps he will use a different song for save situations, and didn’t want to ruin the surprise during a 5-2 home opening snoozefest. But I can’t imagine he gave the CBP audio folks such specific instructions. Or maybe he did. Who knows? We'll find out if the Phillies ever score more runs than their opponent.

Anyway, Scott Franzke and Larry Anderson were less than thrilled at Papelbon's choice of music. Their reaction, and the song in-full, after the jump.

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Jonathan Papelbon Softens Up, But Still Thinks You’re Smarter Than Red Sox Fans

Kyle Scott - March 26, 2012


Photo courtesy St. Pete Beach Photo

Jonathan Papelbon, who earlier this month told WIP that Phillies fans “know the game a little bit better [than Red Sox fans],” clarified his statements today as the Red Sox are in Clearwater to play the Phillies.

Here’s what he told Scott Lauber of the Boston Herald:

“I was just calling a spade a spade. I’ve been in the bullpen down there many a times in Boston to know this (fan) don’t have a clue what he’s talking about. It happens in Philadelphia, too. I’ve been in Philadelphia’s bullpen. I was just simply saying that, because the American League is different than the National League, there’s a little more thought process that goes along with that.”

“I knew it was going to be read that way. I knew. But that’s the thing. I didn’t really care. The fans that know me in Boston, it’s kind of irrelevant. I’m not going to throw shots at Boston fans. No way. They were there for me for so many years. I was just making a statement.”


His statement remains: National League fans know the game better than American League fans. Henceforth, Phillies fans are smarter than Red Sox fans. Done and done. Thanks for sticking to your guns, Cinco Ocho.

Jonathan Papelbon Smacks Boston Fans, a Bit

Kyle Scott - March 8, 2012

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We were – rightfully – skeptical about the Phillies signing Cinco Ocho, partly because he calls his other self that, but mostly because he will make $50,000,058 as a closer… and because he asked for that extra $58 in his contract.

Anyway, Paps can win us over.

His making fun of Terry Francona the other day was a start. Winning a World Series will be a finish. Somewhere in the middle falls his appearance on the WIP Morning Show today.

Paps (ew, but I think that’s what we’re going with) first told Angelo Cataldi – who has been hosting a morning show for, like, 30 years – that he “didn’t seem like a morning person.” Angelo said he was just excited to have the closer on, a line which was met with this response from 58: “I don’t like grown men saying they get excited when they see me.”

Awkward. Fun. But this was better:

Angelo: Can you tell us a little bit about what [playing in Boston] was like?

5 8: It’s a religion, it’s a way of life. They come to the field and they expect certain things out of their players, and not that they don’t expect anything more than I expect out of myself, but it’s an environment where you put up or shut up. And I think, for me, that was an environment I succeeded in and I enjoyed that, and that’s what got my motor running every day. But, the difference between Boston and Philadelphia is that I think that the Boston fans are a little bit more hysterical when it comes to the game of baseball. I’d say the Philly fans, I think they tend to know the game a little bit better… being in the National League, the way the game is played. The Boston fans, I’ve had a guy take off his prosthetic leg and throw it in the bullpen, he wanted me to sign it.

Angelo: I don’t think that would happen here.


Well, it did happen here. Sort of: [taken from our post back in the summer of 2010]

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Yep, that’s our former closer Brad Lidge signing a wooden leg

But whatevs– Paps just landed a solid blow to the chin of Bostonians everywhaaaaaaa. We like that. 

Audio of his interview after the jump.

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Dropkick Murphys Lead Singer Says Papelbon Can’t Use “Shipping Up to Boston”

Kyle Scott - March 6, 2012


OK, thanks, Dropkick Murphys.

Jonathan Papelbon has some bits of Beantown douchedom to shred before taking the mound at Citizens Bank Park, not the least of which is his affinity for the Boston-based Dropkick Murphys, makers of such fine songs as Tessie, Shipping Up to Boston and…. 

Tessie and Shipping Up to Boston.

Anyway, in a meeting to take place in Clearwater between Cinco Ocho (we’ll embrace the closer’s moniker for the sake of unity) and DM’s lead singer Ken Casey, the band’s front man plans to talk to Papelbon about using Shipping Up to Boston, his entrance music at Fenway, in Philadelphia. Hint– he can’t: []

"He can't use 'Shipping Up To Boston,'" Casey said. "That's a Boston song. One of the Philadelphia radio guys suggested 'Johnny I Hardly Knew Ya.'”

"And I have to get with the new Sox closer [Andrew Bailey] to let him know he can use 'Shipping Up To Boston,'" Casey adds. "That's not Pap's song. That's the closer's song."


Glad that’s clear. We don’t think Papelbon was planning on using it, anyway. 

Reals: Casey is also planning to speak with Papelbon about his role with the Philadelphia branch of The Claddagh Fund, a charity created to support community-based non-profits, according to ESPN. So we won't make fun of Casey too much.

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