Posts for lochte

Today in “Ryan Lochte, Douchebag”: Douchebag Ryan Lochte Douchebag Douchebag Douchebag

Kyle Scott - March 26, 2013

Your move, North Korea. 

H/T to (@phillygirl1985)

Today in “Ryan Lochte, Douchebag”: Douchebag Ryan Lochte Seeks Douchebag Woman With Whom He Can Be a Douchebag

Kyle Scott - March 15, 2013

image from


He says, "I'm still single. I haven't found that right one. But I'm out there still looking for that one girl that takes my heart away … You'll see me going on dates." And the confident athlete admits he isn't at all apprehensive about a possible romance igniting on TV. He adds, "I'm not really shy about anything. I definitely want to find that one person I could spend the rest of my life with. Now, with the fame and everything that's happening in my life, it's hard for me to find that. There's definitely complications." "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" premieres Sunday, April 21, on E! 


It is difficult for chiseled, Olympic athletes to meet women. So I do feel bad for Douchebag, and will look forward to watching his show.

H/T to (@mandersfield) and (@Flip_adelphia)

Today in “Ryan Lochte, Douchebag”: Douchebag Ryan Lochte Gets Own Douchebag TV Show

Kyle Scott - January 8, 2013

image from

Quick, give me the douchiest name you can think of for a reality TV show starring Ryan Lochte.


Here’s one: What Would Ryan Lochte Do?

Yes, that title is a rhetorical question… otherwise the answer would be “making duck faces and wearing obnoxiously large sunglasses ftw– JEAH!”

But that’s what E!* has decided to name its new six-episode series starring the guy who is just simply isn’t as good as Michael Phelps, the greatest ever.

From FOX News:

Airing on E!, "What Would Ryan Lochte Do?" will follow the 28-year-old swimmer as he prepares for the 2016 Rio Olympics while developing his fashion line, making media appearances, dealing with his family and friends, and searching for a girlfriend.

"Ryan Lochte captured everyone's attention at the Summer Olympics with his athletic prowess and his utterly unique and unaffected approach to life," E! Entertainment President Suzanne Kolb said Monday.

"He is an incredibly endearing personality who is sexy, entertaining and fun. Watching this show, I believe people will fall into three categories: they want to be him, sleep with him or mother him."

The show will include Lochte's family — his mother, Ike, his older married sisters Kristen and Megan, his younger brother and roommate Devon, and his nephews. Viewers will get to see the swimmer's eclectic collection of shoes that top out at more than 150 and the blinged-out accessories he favors.

Lochte, whose signature catch phrase is the made-up word "Jeah!", will be seen hitting the clubs in Gainesville, Fla., where he lives, and training with coach Gregg Troy. 


Incredibly, that’s not satire. This is a real thing. Move over, Honey Boo Boo– there's a new trainwreck in town, and this one has six-pack abs.

*Not surprising it’s a network with an exclamation point in their name. I guess Yahoo! hasn’t ventured into web series yet.

H/T to the six people who sent this to me this morning

Today in “Ryan Lochte, Douchebag”: Douchebag Ryan Lochte Makes a Douchebag Pick on College GameDay

Kyle Scott - October 22, 2012

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There are few things in sports (life?) easier than picking the winner of a two-person or team contest. Your answer has 100% chance of making sense and the pick is 50-50. You literally can’t screw that up. Raise your hand if you wrote-in yes (or jeah!) on a true-false question on your SATs. No one? Good. Because it would take a real idiot to do something like that.

Or Ryan Lochte.

King douchebag, whose 15 minutes are entering their 20th hour, was a guest on ESPN’s College GameDay on Saturday and was asked to pick the winner of the LSU-Texas A&M game. Lochte’s choice? Auburn, baby!

Video after the jump.

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Today in “Ryan Lochte, Douchebag”: A Picture of Douchebag Ryan Lochte Being a Douchebag

Kyle Scott - September 13, 2012

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Somewhere, Evan Turner’s girlfriend is pisssssssed that he is making this face.

via E!

H/T to (@ENighti)

Today in “Ryan Lochte, Douchebag”

Kyle Scott - August 17, 2012

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The American flag grill is only the tip of the douche iceberg

I can’t do it anymore. Can’t do it. I tried. I tried really hard to ignore this on site, but I can no longer. 

Those of you who follow me on Twitter (and if you’re not, shame on you) have probably noticed our latest running series, Ryan Lochte, Douchebag, in which we chronicle the post-Olympics douchebaggery of Michael Phelps’ foil.

First, there was the whole thing about Lochte not having time for a girlfriend this go-around (he said he had one in Beijing– and yes, I’m totally assuming he paid $5 for her when he landed at the airport). Lochte’s mom, showing that her apple didn’t fall far from the tree, told reporters about all her son’s one-night stands. She later clarified those comments, saying that she meant Ryan doesn’t want to hurt girls because he’s so busy and yada yada yada.  

Here’s what Lochte had to say about wooing those willing victims:

"Some guys keep staring, but I'll give her a wink and come back later, because it keeps her thinking," he explained.

He also spoke about what confuses him most about the opposite sex: "It's impossible to know what they're thinking. If I could have one superpower, I'd be like Mel Gibson in What Women Want, where he reads women's minds," he said.


That’s actually a little bit creepy. Anyone who winks at a member at the opposite sex has a complex. If a guy does it, he’s a self-absorbed prick. If a chick does it, she’s undoubtedly a slore coming off a breakup who needs to get laid (AND GET LAID NOW, DAMMIT!) to legitimize her self-worth. There’s also a high likelihood that at some point in the evening she’s going to get so drunk that she farts on your lap and doesn’t even realize it (I’m speaking from experience here).   

Lochte's game (and those mysterious winks) were presumably on display at whatever London night club he stumbled out of last week…

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Pic via TMZ

… but surprise, surprise, now that the Olympics are over, he suddenly wants to settle down (and be the next Bachelor), which is something he told this Extra reporter on the set of 90210 yesterday: [Just re-read that last sentence and tell me you don’t want to punch yourself in the dick as hard as you can.] 

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