Posts for marcus hayes

Marcus Hayes Says Chip Kelly is Like Donald Trump Because, You Know, Reasons

Jim Adair - August 11, 2015


It’s a cloudy, rainy Tuesday morning. All is pretty much quiet on the sports front. So is there any better way to start your day with the newest Marcus Haye pile of poo? This time, he’s talking the accusations of racism against Chip Kelly, and Chip’s need to respond to them. The headline, “Chip Kelly needs to address racism talk,” almost makes you think it’s something you’ll totally agree with. You won’t.

Over the past five months, an astounding amount of energy has been spent trying to disprove the observations of three Eagles who, at the risk of their own ruin, said they believe Chip Kelly has a problem with black men.

Well, I am not one to tell someone who has experienced racism when they are or aren’t experiencing it. But I will say this: LeSean McCoy did nothing “at the risk of his own ruin.” He completely lacks self-awareness and has shown that again and again. And I don’t know what astounding amount of energy Hayes is talking about. A majority of people who deny that Kelly has a problem with race simply push the allegations aside or say “Well, I don’t think he’s a racist.” Both require minimal effort.

Predictably, there was a massive rush to disprove it, and thereby make everyone’s life less prickly.

Are you guys ready? I’m gonna say something I’ve never said about something Marcus Hayes has written: This is a good point.

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Dallas Newspaper Rounds Up Local Writers’ Positive Reactions to Hamels Trade, and Marcus Hayes’ Take

Jim Adair - July 30, 2015


Even if you completely disregard what came back in return, the general consensus in this town was that it was Cole Hamels’ time to go. He’s in his prime, sure, but by the time the team is competitive again he’ll be on a down-swing, and right now he can bring back some good young talent to help benefit the Phillies in their rebuild. It’s hard saying goodbye, but sometimes it’s necessary.

The Dallas Morning News, recapping the deal that sends Hollywood down to Cowboy-country, grabbed the hot takes from some local writers. Most of them are on the same page. Bob Brookover said it was time for Hamels to go, Nick Kayal lamented the fact that we didn’t treat Hamels better when he was here, and David Murphy pointed out that Hamels’ value was at an all-time high. All reasonable and realistic takes on the issue. So, let’s look at Marcus Hayes’ take, which of course the Dallas Morning News quoted for its headline:

“HAMELS HAD TO GO, because Papelbon went . . . right?

One must determine the other, correct?

If the Phillies are serious about rebuilding, then they had to move Cole Hamels for surefire prospects . . . didn’t they?

Really Why?

Hamels is the rarest of birds; a franchise cornerstone in his absolute prime, capable of excellence and leadership and impeccable professionalism …

There was no concrete argument to be made for trading Hamels to the Rangers for some prospects.

He was under the Phillies control for the next four seasons, including a team option for 2019.”

Firstly, hey Marcus, always nice to hear from you. Second: No one in the entire world is making the argument that Hamels being traded is related in any way to the Papelbon deal. Thirdly: Yes, it’s nice that Hamels was a franchise centerpiece, but as this point his value to the franchise is in being dealt. Being the centerpiece of a 100-loss franchise doesn’t mean shit.

But Hayes continued, because no one told him to stop:

“He preferred to play the next few seasons with a team more likely than the Phillies to win a World Series, but, frankly, his finest hours came in 2007 and 2008, with Phillies teams that were unlikely to win a World Series.

He expressed no any real displeasure with his circumstance. He has been neither lax in his preparation nor distracted in his performances.”

WHAT? The only reason for dropping 2007 and 2008 here that I can possible imagine is to compare the 2015 Phillies to those teams. The 2015 Phillies are related to the 2008 Phillies in one way only: They play in the same park. The teams could not be more different when it comes to management, skill, or attitude. That argument makes no sense. And “he expressed no any real displeasure with his circumstance.” That doesn’t make any sense grammatically, and yes, he has. He hasn’t thrown a Papelbon-level hissy-fit about it, but over the past two years has said that he’d rather play for a team that he can help win. He got what he wanted, the Phillies got value in return. It’s how it all works. The next time the whole town agrees on something though, Marcus, I look forward to reading your contrarian nonsense.

Dumb Dumb Marcus Hayes Compares Rory McIlroy to Plaxico Burress

Kyle Scott - July 7, 2015

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Just so we’re clear here– Rory McIlroy hurt himself kicking around a soccer ball – playing soccer, if you’d prefer – while Burress shot himself in the leg carrying a handgun in a nightclub. Jason Pierre-Paul nearly blew his hand off with fireworks. One of these things isn’t like the other.

Hayes expounded on his silly opinion in a conversation with former and current Philly Voice-er Matt Mullin:

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Word. But if anyone’s unhappy, it’s McIlroy. If it’s someone else, it’s EA Sports:

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The game comes out next week (but get The Golf Club instead, it’ll most likely remain the superior game).

Marcus Hayes Wrote a Whole Column about Something Brett Brown Didn’t Say

Jim Adair - April 18, 2015


“Or else.”

It’s an implied thing that only Marcus Hayes heard – that Brett Brown was giving Sixers management an ultimatum – multiple times throughout Brown’s conversation with the media on Thursday night. As Hayes put it, “The two words Brett Brown never spoke resounded loudest in his final interviews of the season.” Nope:

“I hope that if we can have something that is stable and consistent that we are going to be able to talk a little bit easier at this time next year.”

. . . or else.


Nope. Never mind that after Brown made those comments, he said that consistency can’t trump the fact that they’re looking for talent. But what about the misguided idea that Sam Hinkie only drafts players who can’t play immediately in order to prolong the tank:

“If it happens again – I won’t lie, you’re going to bite your lip,” Brown said, chuckled a bit, and continued the joke: “I do admit, in my own contract negotiations, nobody explained to me fully that, for a few years, you might not have your draft picks.”

Translation: Hinkie better not select another long-range Euro star or a high-ceiling player with a year of rehab ahead of him.

. . . or else.

Nope. Brown, throughout the season, has expressed frustration, hope, pride, and any number of other emotions. He’s never come off as fed up, or indignant, or over it. That “or else” is coming straight from the cranky mind of Hayes, who, like Howard Eskin, thinks he’s speaking for the common fan. Is he? Continue Reading

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I’m Going to Defend Marcus Hayes, Even If He Is a Big, Fat Hypocrite

Kyle Scott - April 9, 2015

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Marcus Hayes, the sportswriter equivalent of a poop Emoji, yesterday wrote about how to fix the Flyers, at the request of his editors. His suggestion: trade Claude Giroux and Jakub Voracek:

It just seems foolish to waste two players’ prime years on a team destined for mediocrity. They will be relentlessly ground down the next two seasons, assuming Voracek stays, while the Flyers are hopelessly outclassed by at least five or six other clubs in the Eastern Conference and by at least as many in the West.

Two bad deals brought the Flyers costly, faded stars at forward. Bad luck cost them veteran defensemen.

That is the past.

Trading Giroux and Voracek frames the future.

For context: Hayes went on Anthony SanFilippo’s The Scoop Philly last night to talk about his point (1:08:00 mark). He made it clear that the how to fix the Flyers thing was an assignment from his editors and that he wasn’t taking shots at Voracek or Giroux (whom he called his favorite player to watch), but rather was simply suggesting one way to fix the team. “[Trade them for] younger players or draft picks or whatever,” Hayes told SanFilippo.

Fair enough. And it’s not a bad idea.  Continue Reading

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Marcus Hayes Wrote Some Drivel Today

Kyle Scott - February 25, 2015

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1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 4, 2, 1, 1, 5, 3, 2, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 4, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 2, 2, 2, 1, 2, 1, 3, 2, 1, 1.

Do you know what that sequence of numbers represents?

No, it’s not the transcript of an interview with The Count.

Nor is it the final thought of a dying Speak & Spell.


Those are the sentence-per-paragraph counts from Marcus Hayes’ latest Daily News column.

Hayes, a leading columnist(?) for a big boy publication, wrote a ~1,000-word article that contained only three – 3! – paragraphs longer than three sentences in length. Unofficially, there were 29 one-sentence paragraphs.

That’s bad.

Laughable even.

I doubt it makes many teams sweat.

Any team, for that matter.

How can one sweat from reading such rudimentary prose?

Anyway, as you might have guessed, Hayes’ piece is another hit on Sam Hinkie, who has a philosophy, not a plan, according to Hayes.

It’s mostly drivel, so I won’t waste my time grammatically crinkling it up and tossing it into the digital wastebasket of the interwebs. But, let’s dumpster-dive for a few rare gems of opinionated blabble.

Dismissing Hinkie and his newfangled analytics:

But it is anything but a multifaceted “Plan” with mind-addling complexities suited only for analytics conventioneers.

The Philosophy is simple.

Hinkie and his front-office brain trust, of which Brown clearly is not a member, compile draft picks to acquire as many young, talented and cheap Assets as possible. They nurture them in their analytics-fueled playing style.


Contradictions on Embiid:

Embiid is a 7-footer with freakish athleticism. He is a once-a-decade talent. Embiid also spent his formative years playing volleyball. His practical experience includes two full seasons of high school basketball and 4 months as a part-time player at Kansas. He will need half-a-decade to realize his potential.

Embiid has shown competence at nothing except gaining weight and cleverly tweeting.


And on Noel (try not to get whiplash here):

The Sixers simply delayed their Point Guard Development Program to match the painfully slow metamorphosis of Nerlens Noel and Embiid.

Noel is an off-the-charts ballhound . . . who has shown almost no competence in a halfcourt offense, but that was expected.



MCW is a good player; surely, he cannot wait to display that tonight, when the Sixers visit him in Milwaukee. He has boundless potential. Anyone with his talent can improve; incredibly, his talent is being maliciously devalued. Carter-Williams is worth as much as any player the pick is likely to bring.

[Jim, mocking Hayes:  Embiid sucks. Noel sucks. MCW IS SO TALENTED.]


And yet, he continually pointed out that it was a good trade:

It makes no sense for MCW, 1 year from NBA competence, to wait 5 years for the franchise player to develop. Most NBA careers don’t even last half a decade. After losing, say, 240 games in his first four seasons, Carter-Williams surely would be willing to do anything to escape Lottery Pick Purgatory.

Having him waste good years in Philadelphia would have been foolish. A reigning rookie of the year with excellent size, fine offensive instincts and the ability to finish at the rim, MCW never will have greater trade value than the protected pick the Sixers got from the Lakers.

Considering the Philosophy, this was a splendid trade.

Lost in this iambic pentameter of shit is some legitimate skepticism born from first-hand observation (it’s almost like Hayes is a real columnist!).

Hayes wonders whether Brown will become discouraged by watching the fruits of his labor be enjoyed elsewhere.

A real concern.

He thinks the Sixers, and the champions of their “philosophy,” were wrong to tout MCW’s physical gifts and then sit idly by as a whisper campaign smeared the young point guard’s skill set.

A fair point.

And he wonders if continually kicking the can down the road is a dangerous, high-risk strategy that could horrifically backfire.

Me too.

But all these points fall on blind eyes because his anti-analytics, anti-Hinkie, anti-progress bias is so grotesquely one-sided that it’s nearly impossible to separate the legitimate concerns from the lazy, space-filling poop that emits from his fat fingers. Plop, plop…

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… fizz.

Horrific Daily News signage photos courtesy of (@phillygirl1985)

Marcus Hayes May Be the Dumbest Sports Columnist in the History of Philadelphia

Kyle Scott - February 10, 2015


I say that without hyperbole. This is possibly the worst, most rambling, inane, completely illogical sports column I’ve ever read. Honest to God, Marcus Hayes should at the very least be suspended, and perhaps even fired, for writing it.

Hayes, who is not on board with the Sixers’ plan, has once again come out in full opposition of said plan… because… the Sixers… didn’t sign… a veteran… point guard.


Here’s why “The Plan” is “fraudulent,” according to Hayes:

The Plan, in essence, is the blueprint concocted by young analytics whiz Sam Hinkie, the Sixers’ second-year general manager who has staffed his front office with numbers men of his ilk. He figured to stockpile draft picks; acquire cheap, young talent with specific characteristics; and let the team develop organically.

The Plan has merit, and it has logic.

What it lacks is leadership.

Specifically, it lacks a veteran point guard. It is a criminal omission.

That was amplified the last three games, when two Developmental League players ran the team: Frazier, in his third NBA game and his second start; and JaKarr Sampson, a 6-8 small forward.

Last night, Frazier finished with seven assists . . . and seven turnovers, the most among an avalanche of 27 turnovers that cost the Sixers a chance at a huge upset against the Warriors. Sampson had three turnovers. That means a combined 10 giveaways at the point guard spot, manned by two D-Leaguers, against the league’s best team.

If I’m following that logic correctly, Hayes just argued that Hinkie’s plan – to tank for draft picks and develop young talent – which almost by definition requires the team to lose, something the improving Sixers have actually had trouble doing lately, is flawed because the team lacks a veteran point guard to spell young star and reigning NBA Rookie of the Year Michael Carter-Williams, even though the presence of said veteran point guard would be in almost direct conflict with the unstated goal of losing to acquire more young talent. Amazing. Continue Reading

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Marcus Hayes Offers PIPING HOT TAKE and Feigns Outrage over Antics at Media Day, Gets an Entire Column out of It

Kyle Scott - January 28, 2015

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Does my head make me look fat?

The Daily News sent fun-hating, race-baiting gasbag Marcus Hayes to Phoenix to cover Media Day and, presumably, the Super Bowl. And Hayes, who not surprisingly had nothing better to write about today, wrote an entire column about how awful the antics at media day are… thus justifying the existence of said antics.

Let’s delve into Mr. Hayes’ nonsense:

Marshawn Lynch literally grabbed his crotch to express contempt for the assembled throng of 200 media members as he made his way to his podium at the start of Media Day.

For the next 5 minutes or so, Lynch figuratively grabbed his crotch to express contempt for the NFL and its commissioner, Roger Goodell.

I get it– Lynch’s press conference was like the verbal equivalent of his actions. That’s deep, yo.

Lynch, who timed himself on his smartphone, saw the 5-minute mark pass, arose and said, “Time.”

He left the Skittles bag on the stage and bolted.

With more than 57 minutes left in Media Day, Beast Mode entered Airplane Mode and ended all transmissions.

Was that… an iPhone joke?*

*Topical today, by the way, as Apple announced yesterday that they sold 77 million iPhones last quarter and had the most profitable quarter – over $18 BILLION with a B in profit – IN THE HISTORY OF BUSINESS! Today is a good day to own Apple stock. PARTY OVER HERE, BABBBBBBY!!! WOOT, WOOT!! I should’ve held up a crumpled sticky note in my hand and yelled at my computer screen in euphoric fashion as the markets opened, just to get the full visceral and aural experience of riding a HOT ONE to a (as I write this) more than seven-point gain! But please, tell me more about how much better your giant Samsung Galaxy is.

Back to Marcus:

Media Day at the Super Bowl, an hourlong availability of essentially everyone of merit in both organizations held every Tuesday of Super Bowl week, seldom elicits any real information about players or their teams; but then, most interviews with NFL types elicit little information. Top players and the head coach are available 3 or 4 days during Super Bowl week, but the intent of Media Day is to afford access to all players, coaches and executives to all members of the press on one day, in one place.

The NFL has credentialed entertainment reporters and fostered a circus atmosphere, a circus the NFL now charges fans $28.50 to witness.


Meme: Reporter sent across the country to cover admittedly meaningless day of press conferences complains that meaningless day of press conferences is meaningless. How do I make that into an image? Perhaps a GIF?

The availability has devolved to include guys who wear barrels over their bare torsos; Olympic skaters Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski asking fashion questions for NBC; and beautiful women in short skirts who salsa dance with Kam Chancellor.

OK, we can keep that last one.

No surprise. We’ve known for a while now that Hayes is an ass man. But I thought for a second that he was going to make a borderline homophobic remark about (the outstanding) Johnny Weir and his bae Tara Lipinski. Phew.

Spritely divas Lipinski and Weir, former Olympic skaters working the fashion angle for NBC, showed up in fabulous outfits. He had on a scarlet jacket over a silk shirt with a gemstone necklace, crammed his feet into 4-inch wedge booties and wore more makeup than she did.

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