1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 4, 2, 1, 1, 5, 3, 2, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 4, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 1, 2, 1, 1, 1, 2, 2, 2, 1, 2, 1, 3, 2, 1, 1.
Do you know what that sequence of numbers represents?
No, it’s not the transcript of an interview with The Count.
Nor is it the final thought of a dying Speak & Spell.
Nope.
Those are the sentence-per-paragraph counts from Marcus Hayes’ latest Daily News column.
Hayes, a leading columnist(?) for a big boy publication, wrote a ~1,000-word article that contained only three – 3! – paragraphs longer than three sentences in length. Unofficially, there were 29 one-sentence paragraphs.
That’s bad.
Laughable even.
I doubt it makes many teams sweat.
Any team, for that matter.
How can one sweat from reading such rudimentary prose?
Anyway, as you might have guessed, Hayes’ piece is another hit on Sam Hinkie, who has a philosophy, not a plan, according to Hayes.
It’s mostly drivel, so I won’t waste my time grammatically crinkling it up and tossing it into the digital wastebasket of the interwebs. But, let’s dumpster-dive for a few rare gems of opinionated blabble.
Dismissing Hinkie and his newfangled analytics:
But it is anything but a multifaceted “Plan” with mind-addling complexities suited only for analytics conventioneers.
The Philosophy is simple.
Hinkie and his front-office brain trust, of which Brown clearly is not a member, compile draft picks to acquire as many young, talented and cheap Assets as possible. They nurture them in their analytics-fueled playing style.
Contradictions on Embiid:
Embiid is a 7-footer with freakish athleticism. He is a once-a-decade talent. Embiid also spent his formative years playing volleyball. His practical experience includes two full seasons of high school basketball and 4 months as a part-time player at Kansas. He will need half-a-decade to realize his potential.
…
Embiid has shown competence at nothing except gaining weight and cleverly tweeting.
And on Noel (try not to get whiplash here):
The Sixers simply delayed their Point Guard Development Program to match the painfully slow metamorphosis of Nerlens Noel and Embiid.
…
Noel is an off-the-charts ballhound . . . who has shown almost no competence in a halfcourt offense, but that was expected.
On MCW:
MCW is a good player; surely, he cannot wait to display that tonight, when the Sixers visit him in Milwaukee. He has boundless potential. Anyone with his talent can improve; incredibly, his talent is being maliciously devalued. Carter-Williams is worth as much as any player the pick is likely to bring.
[Jim, mocking Hayes: Embiid sucks. Noel sucks. MCW IS SO TALENTED.]
And yet, he continually pointed out that it was a good trade:
It makes no sense for MCW, 1 year from NBA competence, to wait 5 years for the franchise player to develop. Most NBA careers don’t even last half a decade. After losing, say, 240 games in his first four seasons, Carter-Williams surely would be willing to do anything to escape Lottery Pick Purgatory.
Having him waste good years in Philadelphia would have been foolish. A reigning rookie of the year with excellent size, fine offensive instincts and the ability to finish at the rim, MCW never will have greater trade value than the protected pick the Sixers got from the Lakers.
…
Considering the Philosophy, this was a splendid trade.
Lost in this iambic pentameter of shit is some legitimate skepticism born from first-hand observation (it’s almost like Hayes is a real columnist!).
Hayes wonders whether Brown will become discouraged by watching the fruits of his labor be enjoyed elsewhere.
A real concern.
He thinks the Sixers, and the champions of their “philosophy,” were wrong to tout MCW’s physical gifts and then sit idly by as a whisper campaign smeared the young point guard’s skill set.
A fair point.
And he wonders if continually kicking the can down the road is a dangerous, high-risk strategy that could horrifically backfire.
Me too.
But all these points fall on blind eyes because his anti-analytics, anti-Hinkie, anti-progress bias is so grotesquely one-sided that it’s nearly impossible to separate the legitimate concerns from the lazy, space-filling poop that emits from his fat fingers. Plop, plop…
… fizz.
Horrific Daily News signage photos courtesy of (@phillygirl1985)
