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It’s Been a Terrible 24 Hours for Washington Nationals Fans

Kevin Kinkead - April 3, 2019

Photo Credit: Brad Mills-USA TODAY Sports

Let’s check in on Washington Nationals supporters, those slimy creeps. Those political scumbags masquerading as baseball fans.

Here’s a “reminder” from an NBC News digital political reporter:

That’s a bit of an exaggeration, Jonathan Allen. What goes on in the Capitol (on both sides of the aisle) is an embarrassment to every hard-working, tax paying American citizen. Bryce Harper just plays baseball.

Here’s more wisdom from Allen:

I went over to NBC Sports Washington to see what those jabronies wrote last night and this morning. There was nothing truly defiant, just some pitiful paragraphs like this one, after the jump:

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The Phillies’ Inability to Create Distance With the Nationals Could Prove Fatal to Playoff Hopes

Bob Wankel - July 31, 2018

PHOTO CREDIT: BENNY SIEU-USA TODAY SPORTS

One overlooked issue that could have a long-term impact on the Phillies’ chances to reach the postseason is the timing of their recent four-game losing streak. With a big weekend in Cincinnati and a win in Boston last night, the Phillies would have almost definitively dealt a deathblow to the Nationals’ playoffs chances just ahead of today’s trade deadline. Instead, the team’s bats have gone radio silent by posting seven runs in four losses since Friday night, and in doing so, have given the Nationals new life.

Sure, there have been reports of turmoil existing in Washington’s clubhouse and a waning belief in manager Dave Martinez. It’s also true that the Nationals, despite clearly being the NL East’s most talented team and the overwhelming preseason favorite, have often appeared utterly apathetic about playing October baseball. Issues remain for a sub-.500 team that has been rumored in recent days to be willing to disassemble what has been a wildly underachieving roster, but that feels unwise. They have to look up and see the promising but imperfect Braves treading water, and the Phillies, the most defective first-place team in recent memory sputtering, and feel like they have ample opportunity in front of them to jump back into the division race.

If you’re looking for value, and you also happen to be a masochist, you might have interest in the current odds to win National League East provided by Bovada:

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Jayson Werth, Liar, Piles On

Jim Adair - September 17, 2015

Photo Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Jayson Werth and his Washington Nationals have had the Phillies’ number lately. Really, all teams have, but Werth never passes up an opportunity to shit-talk the team that propped him up enough to cash in way over his value. Of the state of the team lately, Werth said:

“It’s definitely different now, a lot more empty seats. I didn’t know the seats were blue. It’s kind of sad, really. I feel bad for Ryan [Howard] and [Carlos Ruiz].”

Okay, I’ll admit, it is a bit sad. And I do feel bad for Howard and Chooch, but you knew those seats were blue, dude. Maybe I’m being nit-picky here – I definitely am, and I know he was joking – but this is definitely a “kick them when they’re down” situation. He had at least one plate appearance, as a Phillie, at Citizens Bank Park, in 268 games. I looked it up. It would be fair to assume in that case that he took home batting practice (and warmed up) in a nearly-empty park 268 times, surrounded by obviously blue seats. Get the hell out of here, Jayson, you know what color those seats are.

Jesus Christ, the Phillies are so bad they got me mad at someone making a seat color joke. Make this season end.

On the Anniversary of Jonathan Papelbon’s Grabbed-Crotch Blown Save, He Blew a Save Against the Phillies

Jim Adair - September 15, 2015

Last night, Jonathan Papelbon allowed a game-tying home run to Freddy Galvis, marking his first blown save in a full year. To the day. And what was so special about that last blown save? He grabbed his dick afterwards.

popzo

It’s poetic. Before the game, Papelbon said that he was one of the few Phillies who wanted to win when he was here:

“I don’t know if I got a bad rap here or whatever, but I can promise you I was, by far, [from being] the bad guy on this team. I was one of the few that wanted to actually win, and I was one of the few that competed and posted up every day.”

He further clarified that the organzation didn’t want to win. They didn’t pull it out last night, either, after blowing Paps’ save opportunity and taking the game to extra innings. But still, I bet Papelbon heard it from the fans down there:

cbp first pitch

Football is back.

Report: Papelbon Traded to the Nationals for Minor League Pitcher Nick Pivetta

Jim Adair - July 28, 2015

rosenthal paps

Jim Bowden got so owned last deadline that he had to delete his account, so I held off on reporting any of this as actual fact until someone else confirmed – which took a while – but Jonathan Papelbon is seemingly on his way to the Nationals. The two clubs had to work out Papelbon’s role with his new team (closer) and the financials of next year (taking millions less, thought guaranteed, to leave the Phillies), but it looks like they hammered the deal out.

UPDATE: According to reports, the Phillies will acquire Nick Pivetta. Pivetta was described by the Washington Post as “a 6-foot-5 right-hander from Canada … [and] the No. 10 prospect in the system by Baseball America.” They continued, saying he isn’t “flashy” but “throws his fastball in the low-90s … commands it to both sides of the plate well, and his new curveball has improved.”

Jayson Werth is Apparently Signing Autographs in Jail

Jim Adair - February 3, 2015

And trading them for ... things.

And trading them for… things.

One user over at r/Nationals was serving some time in jail. For what? No idea. But on the last day of his stay, he claimed he saw Jayson Werth and told the bearded one he was at Game 4 of the NLDS in 2012. As photographic proof, he showed what he claimed to be an autograph from Werth on his inmate handbook. Busted Coverage compared the signature to a known Werth autograph… and it looks similar.

Also, as additional evidence, signing autographs in jail is about the Jayson Werth-iest thing you can do.

A Harrisburg Radio Station Will Broadcast Nationals Games Now Because the Phillies Stink

Jim Adair - February 3, 2015

Photo Credit: Brad Mills-USA TODAY Sports

Photo Credit: Brad Mills-USA TODAY Sports

The Phillies’ recent (and upcoming) struggles have already knocked them out of many fans’ nighttime plans, as attendance will continue to decline this year. They’ll undoubtedly draw fewer TV viewers as well, as people would rather spend three-hours watching something that matters or BBC series on Netflix. And they’re about to lose the ever-important Harrisburg market (…) because the Phillies’ affiliate out there is gonna broadcast Nationals games instead.

According to PennLive, Sports Radio 96.5 FM will carry the Nationals instead of the Phillies as part of a one-year deal. Ron Giovanniello, regional VP of Cumulus Media Pennsylvania, told PennLive:

“Our agreement was up and we made the decision last week to part ways with the Phillies and flip to the Nationals. Nothing against the Phillies, but clearly the Nationals are a team on the rise. They won the NL East last year and are picked to win it again this year.

Obviously [a winning team] helps in all ways, and they certainly will be a postseason contender that makes a deeper run in the playoffs this year. Unfortunately, I don’t see that in the Phillies’ immediate future.”

Switching from Phillies to Nats makes sense. Kind of. For one, Harrisburg is home to the Nationals’ Double-A affiliate, the Harrisburg Senators. Secondly, the difference in distance to Philadelphia compared to D.C. is about a dozen miles. It’s totally negligible. But there is one thing:

Screen Shot 2015-02-03 at 9.31.29 AM

At least according to that Facebook fan map from a while back, Harrisburg is straight-up Phillies territory. In all of the zip codes surrounding the capital, the Phillies are the number one team, followed up by some combination of Red Sox/Yankees/Pirates. But those teams are all way lower on the fandom totem pole. And knowing how difficult it is to listen to Phillies games online, this sucks for Harrisburg-area Phillies fans. It’s great for bandwagon jumpers, though.

Please Add Nats Beat Writer Mark Zuckerman to Your Shit Lists

Jim Adair - July 24, 2014

Photo Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

Photo Credit: Bill Streicher-USA TODAY Sports

We’re lucky here in Philadelphia. Our baseball team may be disappointing, depressing, and rage-inducing, but the game is still nice to look at due to — in my biased opinion — one of the best ballparks in the league. That is not the case, however, according to Nationals beat writer Mark Zuckerman, who placed CBP at #15 on his list of the best ballparks in the majors:

15. CITIZENS BANK PARK, Philadelphia
Opened: 2004
Capacity: 43,651
Comment: We’re now entering the indistinguishable middle of the pack. All of these ballparks have some similarities, none of them especially exciting. Call them the modern-day cookie cutters. Philadelphia has probably the best of this group, notable for the dark red brick and two-tiered bullpen behind the center-field fence. But there’s not a whole lot else that defines Citizens Bank Park. Aside from the Phanatic (who is great) and the local fan base (which is not).

Oh, yeah, Phils fans have nothing on those legendary, loyal Nationals fans. Zuckerman’s top 10 was pretty standard, with the top three spots going to the universally loved PNC Park, AT&T Park, and Camden Yards. The top ten are rounded out by the home fields of the Cubs, Padres, Mariners, Twins, Dodgers, Royals, and Red Sox.

Zuckerman doesn’t exactly love where his home team pays either, putting Nationals Park one spot behind CBP. Here’s what he says:

16. NATIONALS PARK, Washington
Opened: 2008
Capacity: 41,418
Comment: Look, you may not like or agree with this. Nationals Park, to its credit, is a very fan-friendly ballpark, with wide concourses and good field views from just about any seat. But it simply has no defining characteristic, no distinct charm. Think about it this way: What’s the first thing you think of when you think of Nationals Park? It’s tough to come up with something. The big video board? The Red Porch area? The cherry blossoms that bloom for only a week or so in early-April? The distant view of the Capitol dome from a handful of sections in the upper deck? I just wish there was something that stood about this place. A quirk in the outfield fence. A view of the Anacostia River. A view of more of the city. A unique bullpen. Something. Anything. Instead, we’re left with a very nice — but wholly indistinguishable — ballpark in the nation’s capital.

You can check out the rest of his list here, but it’s nice to know even a rival can admit CBP is at least the best park in the NL East. Additionally, only the O.co Coliseum (truly one of the worst buildings of any kind in all of America) ranks worst than that hellhole down in Tampa. And I don’t even know if I’d go that far.

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