Posts for orlando

Markelle Fultz and Orlando Will be a Perfect Match

Coggin Toboggan - February 15, 2019

An old Chinese riddle has puzzled philosophers and seekers of truth for decades.

“If the first overall pick of the NBA draft takes a parting shot at the city and the coach that supported him for two angst-filled years, does anyone care?”

All apologies to Danny Watkins, but the biggest draft bust in Philadelphia history just couldn’t help himself. Markelle Fultz couldn’t resist taking one last passive aggressive shot at the coaching staff, fans, and city that cheered every awkward attempted three pointer, every herky jerky free throw, and every head-scratching excuse for an ever-devolving jump shot the cherubic cheeked failure could throw at us.

At least this time he said it to reporters instead of posting it on social media like a 16-year-old girl who was just dumped by her boyfriend before the big Spring Fling Dance.

You really can’t trust NO ONE !! How could he have done this to me?!” We get it, Emma, enough already.

Talking to the assembled Orlando Magic media for the first time since being traded for a case of floor wax and Jonathon Simmons, Fultz decided it would be the perfect opportunity to toss a molotov cocktail at the franchise that went to exorbitant lengths to protect him and his delicate psyche at every turn.

During his introductory press conference, Fultz pontificated on what excited him about the change of scenery from Philadelphia and what would enable him to be a better player for Orlando:

“It just excites me to know that I have a coach that’s going to push you to be better and not just going to tell you what you want to hear,” Fultz said.

Oh, so that’s what Fultz needed….he just needed some tough love to reach the dizzying heights of a so far wasted professional career. He wasn’t held back by a mysterious pseudo-injury, or the yips, or a domineering mother, or his inability to ride a BMX bike…no no no, it was the yes men in Philadelphia that didn’t challenge him enough who held him back from truly being great.

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Orlando Cabrera Likely Out For Game Three, Possibly Remainder of Playoffs (Game 3)

Kyle - October 9, 2010


Cabrera at his best as batboy, for real.

According to a report from USA Today,  Reds manager Dusty Baker is seriously considering replacing injured shortstop Orlando Cabrera on the playoff roster, making him "ineligible for the NL Championship Series should they rally from their 2-games-to-none deficit in the NLDS." Laughs.

Cabrera was lifted from the game after the 4th inning with an injury that could only be described as, "pulled muscles in his left side."  Now, I'm no doctor, but judging from his comments made after the Game One no-hitter, we can assume it's menstrual cramps.

"He called my trainer and said he wasn't any better, and it's been bothering him for a while now," manager Dusty Baker said before the Reds' workout at Great American Ball Park Saturday. "He'll get better and then it bothers him again. I think it's going to be tough for him to play."

For now, it's just a waiting game for the Reds as they see if he is ready to go for tomrrow's 7:07 (or 8:07!) start.  They have put AAA infielder Chris Valaika on standby as they await an answer. 

The injury couldn't have happened to a better guy.

Orlando Cabrera is a Sore Losing Jerk

Kyle Scott - October 7, 2010

"He and the umpire pitched a no-hitter. He gave him every pitch. Basically, we had no chance."

via Hardball Talk

The umpire is not the reason why the entire Reds lineup flailed at devastating curveballs.  The umpire was not the reason the hardest hit ball was by their pitcher.  The umpire is also not the reason why a Google search result for "Orlando Cabrera" turns up a picture of Roy Halladay's smiling face.