Posts for park

Two Yinzers Ripped a PNC Park Security Guard’s Finger Off This Weekend

Kyle Scott - May 17, 2012

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I should tell you that this post is being written live from a Panera Bread, where a man, who I don’t know, decided that roughly 18 open tables didn’t suit his needs and he would plug his computer in and sit at my table, across from me. 

So I bring you this story while sharing a desk with a man I’ve never met. If my words suddenly come to halt, either John Quinones showed up… or I’m dead.

Yinzers ripped a PNC Park security guard’s finger off this weekend.


A Pittsburgh Post-Gazette story tells us about Rachel George, 21, and her father, Christopher, 50, who attacked a security guard and police officer while Rachel was being escorted out of the stadium after she was caught smoking in her seat. Things got out of hand rather quickly: 

As Pirates security supervisor Joseph Risher was escorting her out of the right field gate, Ms. George's unidentified boyfriend assaulted him and ran off. Ms. George jumped on the guard's back and started to pull him backward, the complaint says.

Her father joined in the attack, pushing him up against a fence.

"While defending himself, Mr. Risher got his left hand caught on the fence, and when he was pulled by both (defendants) his left middle finger was ripped off at the second knuckle and was hanging by a piece of skin," Detective Rende wrote in the complaint.


A police officer also injured his shoulder while placing Rachel in a stadium holding cell (yep, other cities have them too). 

Mr. Risher’s finger was later reattached during surgery. 

Classic Shittsburgh right there, folks. I mean, from their look to the act. Smoke-stained, greasy dirty blonde hair? Check. Rustic handlebar mustache accompanied by hollow, lonely eyes? Yep. Getting kicked out of a stadium for puffing on a cigg then assaulting a security guard and ripping off his fucking finger? Oh you bet. A three rivers trifecta right there.

Sadly, this won’t live on in sports infamy, but if it happened in Philly it surely would.

H/T to readers Adam, Steve, Dave, and the guy sitting acr

And Now, A Comprehensive Citizens Bank Park Beer List

Kyle Scott - May 16, 2012

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Photo: Philadelphia Beer Enthusiast

Don’t ask how or why, but the folks over at – which sounds like a website to share your prom night experiences – were sweet enough to put together a comprehensive spreadsheet of all the beers at Citizens Bank Park. It’s quite impressive… and delicious sounding. We can't embed it because it's in fucking Google Docs, but give it a look.

H/T to Zoo With Roy

And Now, Blogger Wins Media Hitting Contest at Citizens Bank Park

Kyle Scott - April 28, 2012

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Question: How does your friendly neighborhood blogger redeem himself after an embarrassing throwing and shooting performance on Good Day Philadelphia? 

By HITTING BOMBS and winning the Richie Ashburn Memorial Home Runs For Heart media day at Citizens Bank Park. That's how.

OK– not bombs. No one hit a home run. But your favorite snarky, self-aggrandizing blogger hit a few just about to (in the general vicinity of?) the warning track, which was good enough for the day’s distance lead, print media trophy, and a handshake from Scott Palmer, who emceed the event.

After watching many media members and FORMER MAJOR LEAGUER Ben Davis struggle to make solid contact off the pitching machine, I feared that, having not swung a bat in two years, I might not be able to reach second base.  

I misunderestimateitedated myself.

I took the first pitch, just to see what the machine had. Low and inside… alright, that’ll play. My hands choked up on the 34-31 aluminum bat that had a barrel thicker than the average waistline of Phillies offseason signees.

Swing and a miss. Shit.

I eased up my grip. Be a spray hitter, Kyle… the power will come.

Contact. I lined one past a diving J-Roll™ at short. 

Suddenly, the bat felt lighter. I slid my hands down and wrapped them seductively around the tip (…).

The next pitch took about 20 minutes to reach the plate and appeared to be a beach ball so large that even Marc-Andre Fleury could have stopped it.

I swung.


Everything got fuzzy from there on out. All I remember thinking – for a brief moment – was, holy shit, that ball has a chance to go over the fence at Citizens Bank Park. The crowd rose to its feet. I think the light tower exploded. Angels may have been signing. I don’t know, really. But the Knights had won.

Several more of those followed. I can't describe them, though. Like Will Ferrell in Old School, I had blacked out.

The only downside to the afternoon was that Ruben Amaro, who had been on hand for most of the event, bailed before yours truly stepped to the plate… which sucks, because I’m pretty sure I displayed more power than Placido Polanco.

All obnoxious gloating aside, the event was pretty much the highlight of my sporting existence (tallest midget in that circus) and for a great cause. I was joined by our "fashion editor" (as dubbed by one Phillies employee), Dan Fuller, whose long muscles I was expecting more from. Congrats to fellow winners 6 ABC’s Jeff Skversky, who took home the TV trophy… Crockett, who took home the radio trophy… and CBS 3‘s Kate Bilo, who took home the women’s trophy.

Home Runs For Heart is a two-day baseball home run hitting contest at Citizens Bank Park that will give fans an opportunity to take their whacks at putting one over the fence. On May 1 and 2, you too can have the chance to play on the Phillies field. Simply call 215-575-5218 or visit and click Home Runs For Heart to register. All proceeds from the event go to supporting the American Heart Association’s lifesaving work in research, education and community programs. It’s a must-do for baseball fans. And yes, the outfield grass feels like a sponge… or warm apple pie.

Nationals are Calling in Reinforcements for “Take Back The Park”

Kyle Scott - April 25, 2012

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Amateur hour here.

The Washington Nationals are offering fans who can't use their tickets the opportunity to hand them over to military members.

First, I’ll start with a compliment (for real): The Nats are going out of their way to give free tickets away to troops. That’s cool. No arm-twisting, just a hey, if you can’t use your tickets, let us know and we’ll give them to a solider. Cool.

But, of course, there’s a rub.

The Nationals don’t always do this. No, the policy isn’t always in place to hook up the folks who fight for our freedom. Nope. It’s in place May 4-6, for their Take Back The Park handy jam, because COO Andrew Feffer can’t have his stadium overrun with Phils fans during, like, his biggest weekend ever.

Here’s the email sent out this morning by Mr. Ffffer, forwarded along to me by readers Stephen and Jason:

Dear Season Ticket Holder:

What a start to the season! Our team is playing exciting baseball with unbelievable pitching performances and amazing late inning comebacks. The energy at Nationals Park is inspiring the team like never before and we want to make sure you are part of it. Help us raise the energy level even higher the first weekend in May as we take back “Our Park.”

If you are unable to make it to the ballpark for this critical series, we would like to offer you the opportunity to donate your tickets to members of our Armed Services. Simply transfer your tickets from your My Nationals Tickets account to or call 202.675.6287 (option 1) to speak with a Nationals ticket representative and we will ensure your tickets go to a local military member. In addition, we will add 200 points to your Red Carpet Rewards account to thank you for your generous donation. Our military and their loved ones are an integral part of our Nationals family and we are dedicated to honoring their service by providing opportunities for them to enjoy a game at Nationals Park.

It’s our town, our team, our park and now it’s our time. See you at the ballpark May 4 – 6. With Natitude,

With Natitude,

Andrew Feffer


Washington Nationals


With Natitude. Are we even supposed to capitalize that?

What the hell, bro. Do you really expect people to take your franchise seriously when you send emails like that? 

Make no mistake, this isn’t a coincidentally-timed military outreach thing. That comes two nights earlier, on May 2, when the Nats are holding Military Appreciation Night. That’s the night armed services members get free tickets. The arrangement detailed in this email has a much different angle.

Feffer’s little we need butts in seats so let’s hide behind this tickets-for-troops thing because no one will have the balls to criticize us for something like that thing is so transparent. And it’s also telling. Yesterday, the Nats ran an ad offering up to eight free tickets for a future game if you buy a minimum of two tickets to any of the Phillies games in May. Now comes the plea for fans not to waste their unused tickets for the series. The cause has a desirable effect, but the motive is beyond transparent: it’s clear that our friends from the nation’s capital are having a bit of trouble taking back their park. So they called in the troops.

The Nationals are Taking Back Their Park… By Giving Away Free Tickets!

Kyle Scott - April 24, 2012

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Natitude! Can you feel it?!

The (first place…) Nationals are, ostensibly, going to TAKE BACK THEIR PARK May 4-6. They’re very confident that they will do so. So confident, in fact, that they… are giving away free tickets (!!!) (?).


Thanks go out to Adrienne (@adebartle), who saw this ad in this morning’s Washington Post. It sends you to this webpage, which offers you up to 8 free tickets for a future game, if you purchase tickets (minimum of 2) to any of the Phillies games in early May.

Look, I tested it:

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Just for shitstains and laughs (phrasing?), I put in for 4 lower level tickets for the game on Saturday, May 5,  and was given these great (!) seats behind home, plus 4 free tickets to a Mets game in July. Awesome.

So, this tells us two things: 1) They are nowhere near taking back their park and 2) our #takeover trip on May 6 will meet even less resistance than initially thought (and we weren’t thinking it would be much…).

Speaking of that trip, tickets are still available. $120 gets you bus, lower-level game ticket, food, beer and a t-shirt. Details and tickets here.

Were The Nationals Filming a #Natitude Commercial in Philadelphia Yesterday?

Kyle Scott - April 24, 2012

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Someone (or some team) is getting rather large for their britches, three weeks into the season.

We’re honestly not sure what this Nationals truck, emblazoned with Ryan Zimmerman, was doing in Philadelphia yesterday, but something was being filmed in front of Citizens Bank Park.

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The pictures come from Daniel Izzo (@dizzo10), who hypothesized that maybe the Nats were just depicting Phillies fans jumping off a bandwagon. It’s hard to tell, really. As you can see, Natitude (Nationals' 2012 slogan) pulled up beside CBP, and there was a camera present.

Normally we would make fun of this, but the Phillies are currently 5.5 games back of the Nationals in the NL East. It was so much more fun when the Phillies were, you know, good. So, to that end, we’ll say: Hey! Don’t kick us while we’re down.

Video: The Must-Watch Phillies Q&A Session With Fans

Kyle Scott - April 4, 2012

During this week’s On Deck Series, the Greater Philadelphia Chamber of Commerce and KPMG sponsored a Q&A session with Cliff Lee, Ryan Howard, Jim Thome and Jonathan Papelbon. And it was outstanding.

The highlight? Papelbon, Cinco Ocho, and their deadpan delivery. They’re… winning me over? 

Describing his alter ego:

“Well, he came about in '07. And, you know, he’s kind of always itching at my skin to come out. This alter ego, he likes to take all the notoriety. He’s kind of a pain in the rear end to deal with, but, you know, I’ve got to live with him.”

There was more, though. The questions (and answers) ran the gamut from watching game film to Papelbon’s gambling habits. Some details:

Papelbon and Thome won a lot of money with their NCAA brackets. 

Howard said his rehab is going well. “I repeat, the tendon is fine.” 

Why they came to Philadelphia? Papelbon came to “add to his ring collection.” And for the food. His favorite restaurant is Davios Northern Italian Steakhouse.

Lee: “Before I got here, I heard nothing but bad things about Philly, to be honest with you. And then when I got here, I realized… I didn’t believe it. I was shocked.”

Both Howard, Lee and Thome talked about the city’s history. Not Papelbon: “I’m not big on history.”

Are you going to watch a lot of film on NL hitters? Papelbon: “I don’t watch film. I don’t look at film. I could really care less about film. I just go out there and a pitch. I go from pitch to pitch. I really don’t care about film.”

What gave you the interest to play? Papelbon: “When I was about first grade, I saw Jim Thome play…”

Thome: “And I’m still playing.”

Can you tell us a secret about Charlie Manuel? Lee: “He’s got a lot of silver coins. He’s big into commodities.”

Thome really likes Papelbon.


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What is it like playing with Jim Thome again? Howard: “In 2002, the fan in me was like aw man, the Phillies just signed Jim Thome. The baseball player in me was like, damn, they just signed Jim Thome.”

Thome: “I virtually left because of him… and I don’t mean that as a bad thing… It gave me an opportunity at the time to go to Chicago, which was near my home. We had lost mom to cancer during that time.”

Are you changing your entrance music? Papelbon: “I’m changing it. I still to this day have no clue what I’m going to come out to.”

Tell us something we don’t know about you? Lee: “I’m a Virgo. I’m from Arkansas. I like hunting and fishing. I got two kids, a boy and a girl. That’s about it.

Howard: "I’m a Scorpio. I have an 11-year-old son.”

Thome: “I’m a Virgo. I like hunting and fishing. I got two kids, a boy and a girl.”

Papelbon: “I don’t know what I am, because I’m not into that, really. I’m not into the moon and the stars. Wait, what was the question? I have a near-genius IQ.”

Here Are Your New 2012 Phillies Menu Items at Citizens Bank Park

Kyle Scott - March 29, 2012


Food, gimmicks, trinkets! The Phillies have new who’s its and what’s its galore for you to spend your hard-earned cash on.

Let’s delve.

In a press release yesterday, the Phillies announced some of the new items on-sale this year at Citizens Bank Park. You can view the entire list after the jump. But, as far as merchandise goes, there are just more everyday items with a Phillies “P” blasted on them. Yoga mats? Check.

You can also buy champagne corks from previous clinching celebrations. 

I felt that last one deserved its own paragraph… just like this one.

But what we’re really interested in are the new food items. Last year the team added some healthy options (panini, wraps, etc). This year– FATTY CORPUSCLES! And I like it!

Dessert Alley: Satisfy those sweet-tooth cravings at Dessert Alley behind Section 140!  Choose from an incredible selection of goodies including homemade cinnamon sugar donuts, Gina’s homemade cupcakes, hand-spun milkshakes, ice cream bar with hand-dipped ice cream and candy toppings, fresh funnel cake and hand-scooped water ice.


Oh wow. Dana, my little 95 lb grazer*, suddenly wants to go to more games . 

*I called her at work to make sure it was OK to make a fat joke (ALWAYS DO THIS, GENTLEMEN), and her response as I read the offerings was: “Mmmmmm, oh my… mmm.” 

Nachos and Tacos: Fans craving cuisine from south of the border can head over to Section 122 and enjoy Ancho Pepper Braised Pork Nachos (ancho pepper braised pork, nacho cheese, fresh-cut tomato salsa, fresh jalapenos and sour cream), BBQ Chicken Nachos (slow-roasted chicken braised in barbecue sauce with nacho cheese, black beans, fresh-cut tomato salsa and sour cream), Pork Tacos (cilantro-lime pork, fresh-cut pico, crispy cabbage and shredded cheddar cheese) and Chicken Tacos (chipotle-garlic chicken, fresh-cut pico, crispy cabbage and shredded cheddar cheese).


See, this is dangerous. This can go horribly, horribly wrong at a ballpark when it’s 95 degrees out. The chicken tacos are probably simple enough. And while the other options sound tasty, we’re going to need an independent auditor on this… which will be me next week.

New Paninis and Black Bean Burgers: These fan favorites are back but with a twist. New additions include the Chicken Pesto Panini (chicken breast, spinach, ricotta, provolone, red pepper, pesto) and Italian Market Panini (cappicola, Genoa salami, pepperoni, provolone, red onion, pepperoncini, tomato, Italian vinaigrette) – all located behind Sections 125, 204 and 321. Fans can also enjoy Southwestern Black Bean Burgers, complete with guacamole and salsa, behind Sections 128, 140, 206 and 323.


Those sound horrible, actually. 

Bullpen Brews: (behind the bullpens on Ashburn Alley) This new addition features domestic, import, regional and micro brews.


I’m pretty sure there was already a Beers of the World here, so……… 

ONE FINAL THING, IN CASE ANYONE FROM THE PHILLIES IS PAYING ATTENTION: One of last year's new items, Yogen Fruz, was delicious. But, FIGURE OUT A WAY TO SHORTEN THE LINES!!!!! There were two stands, open for what seemed like two innings, operated by cousins of Opie from Family Guy. The treat was – by far – the best dessert item in the ballpark, and it was barely accessible. Please fix, thanks.

Video and a full list of new items is after the jump. Caution, the novelty items might insult your intelligence

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