Posts for philadelphia

Take a Cruise With the Philadelphia Eagles to Forget All Your Troubles

Coggin Toboggan - January 9, 2020

The Philadelphia Eagles season ended the only way it possibly could Sunday afternoon, with yet another injury to a franchise cornerstone the team just couldn’t overcome as they fell to the Seahawks in the Wildcard round of the NFC playoffs.

The team fought, it lost, and it put an end to a strange, strange season of professional football in Philadelphia. But just because the season is over doesn’t mean you have to put an end to creating new football memories. Create new, hazy, booze-soaked memories with the Philadelphia Eagles as the franchise sails you across the seven seas for its inaugural Philadelphia Eagles Fan Cruise from March 21 to 28 of 2021.

Finally, Eagles fans have the opportunity to take a break from their rigorous responsibilities of drinking in the Jetro lot every Sunday, instead having the opportunity to drink on a cruise ship for a week straight with their favorite Eagles legends and thousands of other drunken revelers. It will be a miracle if the ship’s captain can resist the temptation to plow the cruise liner into a sandbar after 48 consecutive hours of “Fly Eagles Fly” chants.

Ahoy! Let’s see what a minimum price tab of $1,700 (!) gets you after the jump, shall we?

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On-Brand Gender Reveals for the Discerning Philadelphia Athlete

Coggin Toboggan - December 12, 2019

Carson Wentz revealed the gender of his unborn child in a unique way this past week, as his wife Madison Oberg hucked powder-filled footballs into the air while Wentz and his buddies blasted away with shotguns in the most on-brand reveal of all time.

The happy couple will welcome a girl into the world who will only be able to be soothed asleep to the crack of a shotgun ringing through her ears, which in all honesty won’t be much of a problem considering how much of an outdoorsman Wentz seems to be.

Now, I could make all the obvious jokes about how Nick Foles would have done a better gender reveal, or would have shot the gun more accurately than Wentz, or actually has a Super Bowl ring to pass down to his children that was given to him for more than just standing around on the sidelines, but I won’t do that. It’s a momentous occasion for the Wentz family that doesn’t have to be cheapened by sub-par jokes about firing his shotgun high and outside, just like his swing passes.

It was a creative, unique gender reveal that suited the Wentz family well. They love to hunt, they love to shoot, they love football… it worked. So how could other Philadelphia athletes creatively reveal the genders of their future children? Be them planned, a happy surprise, or a haunting mistake like my mother has so constantly reminded me over the years, the reveals after the jump are perfectly crafted for the athletes in mind.

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Let’s All Be Thankful, Philadelphia

Coggin Toboggan - November 27, 2019

Happy Thanksgiving, Philadelphia! Whether you’re celebrating with your family tomorrow or jealously peering through the windows of your neighbor’s home as you eat an expired, freezer-burned turkey Hot Pocket, I’d like to wish you all a wonderful holiday from the bottom of my cold, dead heart.

This holiday is all about important traditions. The food, the family, your mom having to clean up the green bean casserole thrown against the wall by your dad during an argument with that one uncle you all hoped wouldn’t make it but showed up late reeking of cheap gin – these are all crucial elements to any successful Thanksgiving.

But, it’s easy to forget that Thanksgiving is the one time of year we should take stock of our lives and realize what we’re truly thankful for. I feel that we often forget to be thankful for the blessings that have been bestowed upon Philadelphia, our lives, and our sports teams.

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Let’s All Remember When Packers Fans Bought Valueless ‘Stock’ In The Team So the Real Owner Could Refurbish Lambeau

Coggin Toboggan - September 26, 2019

On the day that could very well determine the fate of the Eagles 2019 season, the pivotal matchup against the Green Bay Packers on Thursday Night Football, I’d like us all to take a deep breath, relax, and remember that no matter what happens tonight Eagles fans will never be conned into buying $64 million in fake team stock to foot the bill for a refurbishment of Lincoln Financial Field.

Yes, win or lose, we’ll never be dumb enough to buy worthless pieces of paper saying we “own” a portion of the Eagles for $250 a pop.

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Diner en Blanc is the Dumbest Social Event in Philadelphia

Coggin Toboggan - August 23, 2019

Missed out on Diner en Blanc last night? No worries, you can still get in on all the action and experience it for yourself. Take $55 out of your wallet, put on your finest white wardrobe, make sure to stand outside in the heat until you’re drenched in sweat, and set that $55 on fire and watch it burn right before your eyes.

Congratulations, you just held your very own private Diner en Blanc and had as much fun as the rubes who went to the real thing last night.

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The Phillies’ First Round Selections Since 2004 Have Been Awful Overall

Coggin Toboggan - June 6, 2019

Reading a list of the Phillies’ first round picks since 2004 is like reading the IMDB page of Ashton Kutcher…. incredibly depressing and just bomb after bomb after bomb after bomb.

With 40 total rounds, the MLB Draft is a complete crap shoot, yes, but in the first round of the draft, the round you’ve had years to prepare for, to scout for, to research for….you should be able to pick at least a few players who actually MAKE your big league roster at one point or another. I’m not even talking about starting, or being a role player off the bench…I’m talking about making the roster and appearing in a Phillies uniform for just ONE GAME after being drafted in the first round.

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For the First Time in Six Seasons, Meaningful Baseball was Played at Citizens Bank Park

Coggin Toboggan - April 1, 2019

I’ll do it. I’ll be the first to eat my words after spewing so much shit about the Phillies for the last five months. I’ll gobble up the vitriol and bile I vomited out of my gob this entire offseason with a soup ladle after this weekend and ask for more if it means an entire season of Bryce Harper bombs and Rhys Hoskins mother-fuckering opposing pitchers for DARING to accidentally hit him with a high and tight pitch.

I’ll let John Middleton shit in his toupee and wear it around as a beard for a week.

I don’t care.

For the first time in six seasons meaningful baseball was played at Citizens Bank Park, and it was electric. Sure, they played a few games here and there from 2013 to 2018, but they never actually MEANT anything. We never had any hope for those teams. Any meaningful series played in that span was always something like, “hey, if the Phillies sweep this series they’ll pull within six games of the second wild card spot!” and they’d promptly drop two of three.

This was absolute domination of the defending NL East champions. The Braves should be placed into the MLB’s concussion protocol after that absolute thumping. The ringing of the Liberty Bell after each home run was only drowned out by the ringing in their ears after each haymaker the Phillies landed to their skull.

We’re being ushered into another golden age of Phillies baseball after suffering through six years of dreck. We earned this upcoming summer and (hopefully) fall for our years of doling out hard-earned money to see Ryne Sandberg over-manage games and Domonic Brown disappoint literally EVERYONE he came in contact with.

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Jason Kelce Signs Extension With Eagles

Coggin Toboggan - March 2, 2019

The hits keep on coming. Two days after the Eagles inked Brandon Graham to a new deal, the team announced an extension for former All-Pro and Pro Bowl center Jason Kelce that will keep him in Philly through the 2021 season.

Kelce signed the extension despite rumors he was considering retirement this offseason.

Kelce had two years remaining on a seven-year contract he signed in 2014, according to the Eagles. He will remain under contract with the Eagles for the next three seasons.

The news comes as a relief for Eagles fans after a writer and radio host for ESPN 610 reported in January that a non-NFL source indicated Kelce would “likely retire” in 2019.