What a clusterfuck. While most of the other mainstream media folks and bloggers will wax poetic about today's event, we'll tell you how fucking ridiculous it was.
Let’s set the scene: Ben Franklin Parkway on a Monday afternoon. Around 1,000 people line the street to watch our five foot eight shortstop attempt to break a record held by the fattest, slobbiest, power hitter of all-time, Babe Ruth.
Our protagonist's tools? A hollowed out aluminum bat and some jacked up baseballs that would make Acme jealous.
The cause? A boatload of cash from his sponsor, Red Bull. Oh yeah, history, too.
Presumably J-Roll's™ transportation to the event
I didn’t have a credential for this one, so I set myself up along the waist-level fence, just a few feet behind the other media folk in attendance. Luckily for me, J-Roll™ decided that trying to hit 600 feet to straight-away center – or, in this case, the 75-foot wide Parkway – would be a difficult task. The Red Bull folks adjusted the plate so it was pointed at a 45 degree angle… or, as I’d like to mention, directly at my face.
That’s right, why not line up 1,000 people around what would normally be second base to watch a Major Leaguer use an aluminum bat to smoke jacked up baseballs with all his might? Sounds safe.
About five minutes before Mick Billmeyer began serving up meatballs to J-Roll™, a Red Bull employee bum-rushed me to get to the railing I was leaning on. In his hand, a cardboard sign informing spectators that they accept all risk of injury by standing in such close proximity to a batting practice on steroids.