Submitted for your approval.
What… what happened?
I wrote yesterday that, at some point, there was going to be a karma backwash. You can only spend so many days trashing Sidney Crosby and the Penguins on every medium possible – TV, blogs, radio and newspapers – and expect to get away unscathed by the bitch that is karma.
But there’s no reason to panic.
If before the series you would have said that the the Flyers would be heading back to Pittsburgh for Game 5 with a 3-1 series lead, any Flyers fan would be pleased. As Peter Laviolette told the Flyers after a loss to the Bruins (seen on 24/7): Let it go. Put it behind you. Move on.
Before we do, though, let’s take a look at some of the nonsense surrounding yesterday’s loss.
– Zac Rinaldo had a bad day. He took a dumb penalty and received a game misconduct after stupidly cross-checking and punching Zbynek Michalek.
He’ll likely be hearing from Brendan Shanahan’s arbitrary super-ego.
After taking a stick to the face yesterday, warrior (yeah, we’ll go with that) Zac Rinaldo tweeted today that he’s feeling better, but the lip is still swollen:
Jakub Voracek has a nickname for him:
Shrimp kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo, pan fried, deep fried, stir fried, pineapple shrimp and lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp.
God I love his deadpan delivery. Here's a loose transcription:
Good evening. I’m Brendan Shanahan, senior cock-swinger and guillotine operator of the National Hockey League, based in Toronto. Sunday night in Detroit, Michigan, USA, an incident occurred in the hockey game between the Philadelphia Flyers and the home Detroit Red Wings, for whom I used to play and am unabashedly biased towards. At 13:25:05:03:01:02 of the first period, Philadelphia Flyers forward and surprising 24/7 character Zack Rina…. I’m so sorry, this has never happened to me before– ZAC Rinaldo. Who spells it without a K? I mean, the fuck? Lord Bettman is going to shit on me for this. Let’s try again. At 13:25:05:03:01:02 of the first period, Philadelphia Flyers forward and surprising 24/7 character Zac Rinaldo launched himself to deliver a hit against Red Wings defenceman Jonathan Ericsson. Ericsson, spot-shadowed here even though he’s the only player in the zone at the moment, skated toward the corner to retrieve the puck, a rubber disk frozen before games to prevent bouncing. Meanwhile, Zac with a C skates on a direct line toward Ericsson with a flicker of anger in the lifeless holes that used to contain his menacing stare. It is at this point that Ericsson, whose children frequently have play dates with my own kids at Red Wings family and alumni functions, where they play atop the stains of the 1997 Stanley Cup celebration in the familys' quarters, reverses the puck to avoid the oncoming force of death that is ZaC Rinaldo. A true hero, Ericsson has the guts to perform this move even though it forces him to face the boards as Rinaldo approaches with a sharpened knife. Ericsson is absolutely eligible to be hit in this situation, but C-
That sound you hear is an HBO producer masturbating feverishly in a darkened editing room somewhere (at what you are about to read, not the above picture. we think).
Earlier today, when it was announced that Chris Pronger will undergo knee surgery, there was no doubt that the folks over at HBO made a sad, since said (triple-letter score on those Ss) announcement will mean much less Pronger during 24/7 taping, which begins in full on December 4.
Well, cheer up, you hipster Hollywood types, you– Brandon Dubinsky just landed jabs to the misshapen jaws of Jody Shelley and Zac Rinaldo.
“First of all, if I was him, I’d keep my mouth shut if I don’t play, especially since I never see him on the ice… He’s usually just yapping from the bench, and I guess now he’s yapping from behind the video camera. So that’s about all I have to say.
Jody Shelley — it won’t be long before he’s out of the league, because he’s a terrible hockey player.”
And on Rinaldo, who took a run at Sean Avery on Saturday…
“I think he’s an idiot… And I think that, I mean, he’s not really a good hockey player. So if that’s what he tries to do to get under our skin, I don’t think it works very well. He’s not very effective at it. I think they should just keep putting him on the ice, because he’s a liability against us.”
Gulp. Daddy just hit mommy, and it’s about to get real ugly in here.
To be fair, Brandon (btw– you look a lot like Pete Campbell from Mad Men), we must point out that Shelley is currently enrolled at the Jagr Hockey School, so he is trying. And while he may not be very good at the sport, both he and Rinaldo can fight like motherfuckers, so…
… yeah, you get it.
Now, we’ll let that HBO producer get back to his business.
Fap… Fap… Fap
Your full Mike Richards spitting in Paul Holmgren's eye recap coming shortly.