Posts for run

The Marlins’ Ridiculous Home Run Fountain is Alive

Kyle Scott - March 26, 2012

It’s alive! The Marlins' hideous Kristin Davis vagina (NSFW!!!)-like structure is alive!

We've covered in great detail the Los Marlinos' frightening home run fountain, which resides just beyond the centerfield fence at the team’s new Miami ballpark. Now we get to see it in action… and it’s ridiculous: flipping marlins, lights, animatronic flamingos, and what appears to be a whale’s blowhole— all present to punctuate the long ball. Still clueless as to who, how, or why this seemed like a good idea, to anyone, but it's real, folks.

Side note on Los Marlinos: Two weeks ago, we posted about a terrible anthem that was passed off as an “Official Marlins Theme Song.” The Marlins told Yahoo! that the song, in all its awfulness, had no affiliation with the team. Skeptical, I reached out to the person who made the song, (pseudo)professional signer Sarah Spiegel. Her father answered (…) and told me that his daughter, a Miami area native who now lives in LA, had recorded the song as a demo, with the intent to show it off to the team once it was finished. Last week, I received a follow-up call from her agent, who somewhat angrily filleted Marlins fans for their closed-mindedness, and said that the team had, in fact, been in talks with Spiegel about using her song. The demo was posted to YouTube so it could be shown off to some famous high school composer who was featured on 60 Minutes recently (I stopped listening at this point). He was to contribute to the song before putting the final masterpiece in front of the Marlins brass.

So yeah, the Marlins may have been entertaining the idea of using this ridiculous song. Just. In. Case. You. Care.

video via Deadspin, H/T to reader Matt

Yep, The Marlins’ Home Run Fountain is as Frightening as You Might Have Expected

Kyle Scott - February 2, 2012

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Marlins beat reporter Joe Capozzi was at the team's new home today to watch a jazzed up PR man describe with great wonderment the magical process of installing sod in a ballpark which exists solely because the team swindled taxpayers. As the little pitchman prattled on, Capozzi turned his iPhone toward center field, where the much-talked-about Marlins home run fountain will live. Previously, we had only seen it in animated .gif form… but now, we get to see it in the flesh.


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According to an artists’ rendering, the fountain will include dancing and spinning marlins flying above a neon light show that resembles the outside of a very cheap, perhaps illegal, Vegas marriage hall. I think it sort of looks like Kristin Davis' hideous vagina (NSFW!!!), but judging by some earlier comments, most of you disagree.

Video after the jump.

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The F$%#ing Insane Reading Phillies All-Star Hitting Challenge is Awesome

Kyle Scott - January 25, 2012


YES! This is it!
The all-star game skills competition we’ve all been waiting for. The perfect marketing event. The perfect cheer.

The folks in the Reading Phillies marketing department have hit another home run with their latest wacky idea. Two years ago it was the briefly controversial Ryan Howard Garden Gnome. Then, for this season, the Ryan Howard-Crazy Hot Dog Vendor Double Bobblehead. Now it’s the… um… most insane All-Star Home Run Derby easily ever.

On Tuesday, July 10, stars from the Eastern League will compete in the competition that is not so much a home run derby as it is the fantastic offspring of P.T. Barnum and a strip of acid. First Energy Stadium will play host to the absolutely ridiculous event which takes many cues from the batting mini-game in MVP Baseball 2005.*

*What, you think we wouldn’t notice that receiving bonus points for hitting a moving tractor wasn’t a direct homage to the greatest baseball video game ever created? Child please.

Based GM Scott Hunsicker’s description of the event – a video that must be viewed after the jump – here’s what a home run derby on drugs looks like:

500 fans can purchase VIP tickets to stand in the infield during the hitting contest. There will be a probably-safe 12-foot high net for protection. In addition, sponsors such as Pepsi, All-Star Distributing and others will be serving beer, soda, hot dogs, sausages, and raw oysters.

Grammy Award winning artist David Cullen will be playing live music while seated just feet in front of home plate. He will, of course, be mostly protected by a net.

There will be sponsor targets in the outfield that will earn batters money for their United Way agency. 

A MF-ing trampoline in left field with an intern (or someone…) bouncing up and down trying to catch line drives. 

An eight-foot large target on a dunk tank in center field.

A “golf ball picker-upper thing” that batters can, of course, hit for points and money.


Mascots running around the outfield. By catching balls they can earn negative points for batters.

And an intern suspended 30 feet above the field by a crane trying to catch line drives.


I want to go to there. 

No, really, I do. What would be better than having an intern shag flies dodge dangerous liners while bouncing recklessly on a trampoline? Having a Philly sports blogger do it and then chronicle his experience for thousands to see. I’m talking like strap iPhone camera to my chest and make game-saving catches sort of thing. Call me, Reading.

Must-watch video of the insanity is after the jump.

H/T to (@krobe35)

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Run Ryan Miller!

Kyle Scott - December 7, 2011

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Or at least get under his skin. Again.

Yes! It’s my favorite opposing player: Ryan Miller. And by favorite, I mean the guy I most enjoy watching the Flyers bukkake on. The one who will inevitably turn the post-game media scrum into a bitch-fest of epic proportions (see also: murders, mass comments from spring). 

It’s a bad time of the month for Miller, who, two weeks ago, was knocked out of a game by Milan Lucic (video here— as called by the insane Jack Edwards). Miller sustained a concussion on that play, and after the game, whined:

"Not gonna really get into that, I just stuck around because I wanted to say what a piece of shit I think Lucic is. 50 pounds on me and he runs me like that? It’s unbelieveable. Everyone in this city sees him for a big, tough, solid player… I respected him for how hard he played, that was gutless. Gutless."


Heh– to his comments, not the concussion. Concussions are bad.

On Saturday, in his first game back since being hit by Lucic, Miller was again run– this time by the Predators’ Jordin Tootoo, who went all choochoo (sorry, it’s early) on Miller. Here’s video, which includes NHL disciplinarian Brendan Shanahan reading complete sentences off cue cards as he describes Tootoo’s suspension:


As you might imagine, Miller was none to happy about that play: [Boston Herald]

"There’s a difference between getting bumped when a guy’s going for the puck and guys just taking a run through the crease," Miller told The News on Monday. "You’ve got to show an effort in stopping. If you’re going to come to the net, it can’t be through the goalie.

"You can be on top of the goalie. I have a lot of guys come up, and they stop on top. There’s contact all the time. That’s not what I’m complaining about or what this team is complaining about. I just don’t like to see the full-speed contact."


He’s vulernable right now, folks. And as (@GagneDouze) and (@JostJanet) speculate on Twitter, who do we think may be the first to test Miller? I’m with Janet, and my money is on wedding crasher Scott Hartnell.

Video of Miller’s whiny press conference and his nasally drone, after the jump. 

Flyers-Sabres tonight at 7:30 PM on Versus-NBC Sports-Comcast's whatever the fuck.

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Your Friday Afternoon Roundup: Squirrels, Stark, Mike Richards, Marlins Light Show

Kyle Scott - October 7, 2011

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My nervous energy has reached horrifying levels. I just took a 40-minute shower and for the first time in roughly eight years, I went out of order, washing my face before my hair. Then I put jeans and flip flops on – that’s it, just jeans and flip flops – and walked out of my room. It’s 64 degrees in here. So, yeah, writing anything interesting is out of the question. Here are a few afternoon who’s its and what’s its galore.

– That’s Johari Rollins taking a swing at FOX Philly’s squirrel.

– Another Jayson Stark must-read: []

For Halladay, this is a moment his entire career has been leading him toward. This was why he asked the Blue Jays to trade him — to this team. This was why the Phillies dared to make the trade that brought him to their town.

So this is his time. This is his night.

“That’s the reason he was brought up here,” said Phillies shortstop Jimmy Rollins, “to come out and be The Man — be Doc and perform a little surgery.”


– The NY Times on the squirrel. Pretty funny, actually: [NY Times]

Wednesday, a squirrel paid another visit. It was difficult to tell whether this was the same squirrel; unlike players, rodents don’t wear names on their backs. This time, Skip Schumaker stood at bat in the fifth with the Cardinals holding a 3-2 lead. The count was 1-1 when the squirrel bolted from the St. Louis dugout and crossed the plate shortly after Oswalt’s pitch.

“Not sure that’s covered in the rule book, varmints running on the field,” the commentator Bob Brenly said on TBS.

The pitch was called a ball by home plate umpire Angel Hernandez. Oswalt gestured as if he wanted a no-pitch. “I was wondering what size animal it needed to be” for a do-over, Oswalt explained. “I got distracted. I didn’t really know that would be a pitch. If it ran up the guy’s leg, would he have called the pitch for a strike? It’s hard to say.”


– Ridiculously, CBS cameras captured video of a squirrel entering CBP today:

– Mike Richards, in his first game with the Kings, scored the game-tying goal against the Rangers.

– There will be a giant screen outside of City Hall for the Occupy Philly folks for tonight’s game. Really.

Finally, you saw the Marlins’ new logo (I like it), but wait until you see their home run fountain. That’s right, a home run fountain. After the jump.

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We Thought Ben Fran Should Be Included in MLB’s Postseason Commercial

Kyle Scott - October 5, 2011

If TBS is going to jam this down our throats, we might as well keep it updated. Enjoy.

Ben Fran!

Kyle Scott - October 4, 2011

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Here's video of his home run.

Franzke's call (via @MarkM625) is after the jump.

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A YouTube Roundup of Ryan Howard Going Yard

Kyle Scott - October 2, 2011

WAR this. Many more after the jump.

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